Can't believe it is July already! June was not as hot as last year. Last year the last 3 weeks of June was 100+ every day. This June we had about 5 days I think. We have cooled down to the 80s which is nice - means door and windows open instead of A/C running - until it hits 90 inside. Currently is 86. Hb is comfortable, I am as long as my little fan blowing on me. Had numerous fires around the area from fireworks last night - expect the firemen to be busier tonight. We will do like last year - sit out back watching the fireworks off in the distance that Pasco and Kennewick have plus those set off by private citizens. Can't hear the loud booms and pops but that is fine. Don't have to deal with the smoke from the fireworks either.
My knee is about the same, no worse. I guess something is better since my foot is not swelling up like it was. (knee fell on back in March). I go Wednesday for a check up on it and find out how long this will take to get rid of the blood in the bursa. I saw the same ortho on Friday about my shoulder. Definitely rotator cuff but she is not sure if it is torn or just frozen. So before we do more therapy she has ordered an MRI to be sure. Now I wait for Medicaid to approve it and then get an appointment. I have to say, since my surgery 2 years ago and loss of estrogen, my left side has been falling apart!!!
My frig is still not working right. It (freezer) gets down below 20 at night and will go a little above during the day. I did have it almost empty but filled it up and the temp inside the freezer went up to near 30. A couple days and it came back down. He was scheduled last Wednesday to come pull it and check some more things on it but since it was doing better and it was hot out with people needing their a/c's fixed and were upset cause he couldn't get to them, I told him it can wait. I can deal with it staying at 20 - a lot better than 32 although the ice cream was not real hard but not melting either!
Hb is telling people in the park he only goes to day care (I call it senior center) to make me happy. He tells them he doesn't like it. I tell them (and him) that is not what they say there. They say he enjoys himself, walks around chatting and keeps people laughing. I notice the days he doesn't go he is bored, sits around trying to figure out what to do. He rarely does his word search anymore - another phase gone. When he does walk which I don't let him do it during the day since it has been in the upper 90s, he says no one is out so he comes back. I do notice instead of doing the whole park he only does half of it.
Have a happy 4th of July. Hopefully quiet with no major events with your spouse.
Not only threatening rain, it Did rain. Bandit and I got soaked in the park, but luckily is wasn't cold...kind of fun, really. We looked like two drowned rats. Mim, be sure to let me know about what we emailed about. It's an open-ended offer.
Yikes, Charlotte, 86 sounds hot. I have to keep my air con set at 76. When I tried 78, Bandit seemed hot. I didn't plan to use it at all except on the very hottest and most humid days, but with Bandit in the house I found I have to keep it a little more temperate in here. (Had to keep the house a little warmer in the winter, too.) Fortunately the new heating/cooling system seems very efficient. The bills have been smaller than with the old dinosaur system, so that's good I guess. Well, they do say that a dog is a lifestyle. It's true, too.
Charlotte, I can't remember a handful of 90 degree days up here in my lifetime. It hits low 80's regularly in the summer but I've never used that expression "cooled down to the 80's" ever. The unusually big El Niño last year was projected to raise temperatures in the north west. Maybe that had an effect. What I remember as late as 1957 was the horse drawn ice wagon. They would deliver massive blocks of ice held by huge tongs into the 'ice box' where draining the tray at the bottom was one of the maintenance jobs of it's day. I also remember the first tiny B&W TV with the rabbit ears my father would walk around the room and stick on top of the drapes trying to find a way of getting less 'snow' in the picture. Those were the days when Arthur Godfrey moved from radio to TV selling refrigerators which obviously we couldn't afford yet.
I hope it's a good day and a quiet day as Charlotte said, for all of you. I've had the summer basketball league games on from Orlando all day and now the Tour de France is on. I like looking around. Apparently our new prime minister Justin Trudeau does too. He became the first prime minister to join in the Toronto Gay Pride parade which was recently reinstated along with our veer from right wing to left wing. The thing about the gay pride parade (bless them) is that it's not for the faint of heart. Whatever you're thinking - quadruple that. More butts hanging out than a lineup of dangling participles in costumes that give Caribana a run for it's money. Robin Hood and his 'merry' men on one float and gay boys in bondage on the next with florence nightingale and her nurses on another.
It makes me think of the forefathers in their stern prose about the rights of the common man where 'we the people' meant white males who held property and what their faces would look like when the LGBT parade marched by with a joyous chorus of agreement about 'we the people'. "It's not a big deal." our prime minister said. Change and it's unintended consequence 240 years later. We the people - right Hillary? Happy Fourth of July to our neighbours to the south. Our other neighbours being the north pole populated of course by Santa Clause and his little elves. Or wait, maybe that was a float in the parade.
I did have to turn the a/c on - it was 94 in the front of the RV even though it was only 84. When the sun hits that big front window, even though we still have the insulation on the window and curtains closed, it gets hot in here. That happens usually some time after 4. Once it got down to 86 the a/c went off - door and windows opened up! The next week is forecast mid 80s even upper 70s the next week so hopefully no more a/c. I love sitting with the door and windows open. The winds late afternoon through the evening were 10-20 with some the biggest gust I think around 27mph. It was coming from the NWN which meant it blew through the door. Normally it will come from the S or SW so it hit the front and doesn't blow through.
HB went to bed before the fireworks. I went out to watch them in my 180 degree view. Because it was so windy they dispersed real fast.
Following the BREXIT poll, this directive from the European Union, has now been cancelled:
The British Penny
EUROPEAN UNION DIRECTIVE - NO. 456179/1 IN ORDER TO BRING ABOUT FURTHER INTEGRATION WITH THE SINGLE EUROPEAN CURRENCY, THE EURO; ALL CITIZENS OF THE UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN AND NORTHERN IRELAND MUST BE MADE AWARE THAT THE PHRASE "SPENDING A PENNY" IS NOT TO BE USED AFTER 30th JUNE 2016.
FROM 1st JULY 2016, THE CORRECT TERM WILL BE "EURONATING".
IT WAS HOPED THAT THIS WOULD BEEN A GREAT RELIEF TO EVERYONE.
My husband has always been hard on glasses and now it is even worse. Yesterday I noticed he was continually cleaning his glasses. Turns out they were the transition ones he had that he scratched up. We had them replaced last summer. Asked where his other glasses were and had no idea. Finally found them - he had broken the curved part off of the bow so switched them out with the transition one. I thought I could switch the bow from the transition to the newer glasses since they are the same style. No luck - the screw holes won't line up. So now he has none to wear. All his older ones he broke the bows on them too. So now tomorrow no day care but a trip to Walla Walla VA (70 miles) to see if they can fix them. He is not eligible for another pair until September when his eye exam is due. Then it take 3 months to get the glasses. So if they can't fix it I will have to spend the money to go to someplace like Walmart. His cost more cause they are transitions tri-focals. And I had just bought new clip-on shades cause he broke the other ones that he had had only 3 months. I am afraid my frustration regarding his treatment of his glasses (which he has always been hard on even pre-AD) has not been the nicest.
Friday was out walking Jas. She likes to walk on the curb not the road or grass. She was walked looking around and slipped off which is nothing new. Walked to the end of the road, turned around, she did her duties then walking back stopped and was holding her right front paw up. Looked down and it was dripping blood. This is the third time she has injured the declaw but first time blood. I will need to decide whether to take her to the vet and see about having it removed since she keeps injuring it. More expenses. :-(
I need to stop procrastinating and call Aging and Long Term care to find out how much it will cost me for his day care if I take my SS. I have a feeling once I add up the additional cost for taking it, half (if not more) will go for medical insurance, co-pays, etc. so how much I would gain who knows. I do know from talking to others the chances are whatever medical insurance I can afford (since I would look medicaid) will have such high deductible I won't be able to afford going to the doctor. I am thinking it might be only a year since next fall I turn 65 and will have to go on medicare, so if I take SS the end of summer that will make just a year of no insurance. I am waiting for them to see if medicaid will approve an MRI for my shoulder to make sure it is not a torn rotator cuff. Once that is settled, then I will have to make some decision on SS.
Today is a cool day - only forecast in upper 70s and cloudy - how depressing. Thank goodness this summer has not been as hot as last summer. We had a few hundred days but the rest were 80s and 90s. Today is an exception cause we go back to the 80s and 90s which is fine with me.
Update on Jas: took the wrappings off and it is the claw itself that is broken. So maybe it won't cost so much to have it cut off so it can heal.
A thought, Charlotte: Does your husband still read much? Because if he doesn't, perhaps he wouldn't need expensive trifocals. It is worth speaking to the optometrist about his condition and what lenses he would really need at this stage. Obviously you want him to be able to see the TV, but if he isn't driving or reading, maybe he doesn't need those other corrections anymore.
Charlotte, I would review your health insurance situation with the Office for Aging, too. Maybe their insurance counselors or specialists (whatever they are called) can help you pull it all together in the most advantageous way.
Charlotte, I don't fully understand your question about the day care but my guess is that the day care would still be covered even if you took social security, although an increase in your income might require you to pay a co-pay for the day care. My understanding is that if someone is eligible for VA medical benefits, the VA will pay for day care even if the person has other medical insurance. My husband was eligible for VA medical benefits but the only medical benefit he used was the day care because he had other medical insurance.
This is all so complicated. It's really hard on you to have to deal with the stress of these financial decisions while taking care of him.
For Elizabeth: daughters. As a fellow writer, you know how we search for patterns. I want to tell you about a dream I had recently. For years I have been puzzled about my daughter and wondered what I had done, or was continuing to do, that we had problems. I had gone to bed feeling very tired and with muscles aching after taking care of a sick family member. Stretched out and beginning to feel more relaxed, I thought, “Oh, what a relief to finally stop.” This is where I fell asleep. I dreamed that there was a loud, incessant knocking at the front door. Then in my dream, I heard my daughter shouting loudly from the front door, LET ME IN! LET ME IN! RIGHT NOW! I called to her from my bed, “Use the key to the back door.” (She knows where a spare is kept.) More banging and shouting. “No!" she said. "I want you to let me through the front door. I’ve been out at a party until three this morning.” And I said, “Well, that’s what you chose to do.” When I woke up, I I finally got it. No matter what I (or anyone) does for her, it’s not enough. She wants the very best and gives the least.
Wise words, Mary. My sister has a daughter just like that and I am going to pass on your post (if I have your permission?) The words are just resonating in my head, they are so very, very true.
Thanks, Mary. You just summed up DD perfectly. I have not posted this, as I think it's getting way off topic, but the newest development here is that DD is taking a job transfer and moving out of town with the kids--an hour away from here to the west...which takes them pretty much out of orbit for me and former s-i-l. As usual, she is just doing what suits herself with no thought to the bigger picture or what this will do to the kids' family life with their father, much less to me. I am working hard with "It's Never Too Late to Begin Again" to incorporate this new reality into the future that I'm putting together for myself, but I do feel like I've been kicked in the stomach.
I'm sorry to hear that Elizabeth. After helping her financially so much to honor your husbands wishes and spending so much time taking care of her children to make it easier for her, I followed the story of how nothing was enough for her because she thinks like that by nature. I believe that was Mary's point in posting her dream.
Elizabeth, I'm so sorry to hear that. When I read your post 2 days ago on the "Journeys Somewhere Else" thread, I was struck by the middle paragraph, "Leaving my home, job, and everything I loved ..., then coming here to this place where I never expected to live...nor would have wanted to..." Your reliance on your daughter's good will has cost you dearly, and I'm not talking about money. As Wolf says, this kind of behavior is just in her nature. It's understandable that you did not realize it earlier but now you know. I'm reminded of Aesop's fable of "The Frog and the Scorpion."
You may have come to Ohio to connect to real family after your husband passed in the New York area. But that is what everyone wants and in that idea the person who got by far the most benefit was your daughter followed directly by her children - your grandchildren. You mustn't disparage what should have been an actual example of zen in life where everyone gets more.
The clarity that she can't understand doesn't change the cruelty of what has happened to you. I feel certain it's without motivation, but that is irrelevant to what your raw feelings have had to go through and have to go through now.
You are not alone in this. You have your very odd 'family' right here.
A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."
The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"
Elizabeth, I admire your objectivity in seeing that your ex-SIL is a good man. I assume you will stay in touch with him as the grandchildren's father. The day may come when you two will have an important joint role to play in the children's lives.
My dear, dear husband, in his good-naturedness and kindness, was the frog too many times. He seemed to accept it as fate for trying to help others. It still leaves me baffled and sad and angry. Few of the many he helped offered a hand when he stumbled in life with this terrible disease.
My cosmic question is What purpose are the scorpions?
Thanks for putting into words my feelings: baffled, sad and angry. As to your question.... I wish I knew. Maybe someone will be along to help with the answer. For the moment, the best I can come up with is: this is a moral universe, and light will overcome darkness. Meanwhile, the frog and scorpion die. Of course, we all do, eventually. Maybe your husband had the best answer, "fate for trying to help others". I think it was Dr. Laura who said, "No good deed goes unpunished." Or maybe it was Judge Judy. Help! Someone else!
I certainly don't have the answer to that one, but Elizabeth, my two cents worth. After the move, will she be calling you to drive the one hour to her place to attend to the ‘last minute emergencies’ that always come with children? The kids are most important, so what do you do?
My own feeling is that she will find a way to keep in touch, because she wants to make sure she gets what is in her opinion ‘her share’. She just doesn't get, or doesn't care what this is doing to you.
Many, many times I have struggled with such problems … we always seem to be there to deal with the fallout.
Earlier this year you spoke about your trip back to where you moved from. Are you considering moving back there? You sounded like you were so happy there
Hugs
Jazzy P.S. I have a son that could be twin, re attitude, to your daughter. All about me!!
Thanks for all the kind words and common sense, my wonderful forum family.
I am still moving forward in a good direction, I think, and putting together a life that feels so authentic, peaceful, and just...good. Lots of sleep, lots of exercise outside in nature, satisfying amounts of mostly "whole" foods, lots of reflection and deep thought...and of course, endless games of tug, fetch, and chase with the puppy. Dogs really know how to live, in my opinion. Eat, sleep, poop, play--what could be better?
Anyway, wherever I choose to live, I am looking forward to the future. I know how I want to live, and I know what I want to do. And I can probably do it either in the Heartland or in NY, so I'm thinking about whether or not to move...and when. No rush. It is genuinely nice here, as Mim could also tell you. Larry is gone, but I most likely have some significant number of years left...and if my life proves to be short, I for sure want to make the most of it. And I know that he would want the best for me--as he always did in the past. It would have haunted me forever if I had not made the effort to create a happy, mutually cooperative family life with DD, s-i-l, and the grands. But that has not worked out, and while I love DD dearly and wouldn't harm a hair on her head...between you, me, and the lamp post...she is pretty much in my rear view mirror along with Al Z. Heimer. With Larry in my heart and Bandit on my lap (ha,ha), I am sooooooooo moving on.
I made it clear to DD right away that I will not be driving an hour to help with last minute sick kids, etc. She will have to take off work. And she is aware that a move back to NY is a definite possibility at any point and time that I decide to go.
You have got it together, Elizabeth, and I'm so happy that you know what you want and are at peace with the way your life is evolving. The best part is that you made every effort to bind the family together, and to be there for them. Maybe God has other plans for you, but you can be at peace knowing you did your best. You are going to do very well with the rest of your life.
If I was younger I would think of getting a little Bandit myself, but it's a bit late now.
Charlotte, be sure to see E 8's progress as posted today. Infection is healed and guarding and protecting food (fish). He/she'll be back in the wild blue sky soon. Looks magnificent.
Yes, been getting the post whenever there is an update. It is so exciting. Wish they would get permission to take him/her so if anything happens in the future we would know.
Today I made the world's best caesar salad. I would have entered it into the Guinness Book of Records, but I ate it.
This is the story of The Caesar Salad following it's struggle from a challenging beginning, through hardships and roadblocks, into the victory lap of champions only the world's great experience. Read about the ancient lettuce sacrificial rituals and the ointments of garlic, parmesan, mustard, and soothing oils applied according to ancient secrets handed down generation to generation. Follow the ancient spice roads with salts and peppers and the masters of worchestershire, purveyors to the queen of selected concoctions.
Years in the making, this salad started from humble beginnings. Taken from an ancient treasure map in tatters and barely legible, a team of experts was brought in to decipher the pencil glyphs remaining because all those with the knowledge have mysteriously disappeared. Finally, with dogged determination and a willingness to make things up, the team broke the code and were faced with the monumental task of whether it ever would be built or indeed could be built.
Today. in the kitchen, I recreated that golden, lumpy, cheesy, garlicky, lemony, balm and when I tasted it, a sunbeam shone through the window lighting the golden blend in a blinding light that made me glad I took the precaution of wearing welders goggles. The leather helmet proved unnecessary but artists don't cut corners. The Romaine winglets were centrifuged dry in an ancient device I found in a secret compartment and they were tossed lovingly in the golden blend until all the lettuce leaves were weighed down by ungodly amounts of goodness.
There was a time when your humble narrator was renowned for his Caesar sludge. With twenty women contributing, I was still asked to bring a large jar of my famous fromage. I never measure anything except rice. After an unbelievable journey of pain, I got well enough to have things like my old caesar salad cross my mind. And finally I gave it a try. Tonight was my third attempt where the other two were ok and fine, but this one tonight was out of the park. I ate what was easily a salad for four and licked the bowl clean with my finger.
I'm having a really hard time which I notice everyone else who's had their life eviscerated and blow dried is too. There's a certain comfort one supposes in noticing that you're not unusual so much as a flavor. Or at least that's the cover story. The real story is I'm saving a fortune in analysis. "No thanks!", I yell over my shoulder dodging them, "I'll just have a salad!"
I don't measure anything but the egg yolks where I use large eggs. If I don't have mustard powder I use yellow mustard and squirt that right into the bowl. Some people like more or less garlic - no problem. If you don't have a press, crush the garlic clove and then slice it until you have as close to a puree as possible.
If the taste is too sharp add a bit more vegetable oil. Use half or so of the cheese at first so that you can taste the mustard/lemon balance better. The wooster, vinegar, and pepper should be in the background.
Mix all that well with a tablespoon and add parmeson cheese until you get creamy batter comparable but a little thicker than pancake batter. It doesn't pour out of the bowl if I tip it. It leisurely starts moving.
When I taste it the parmesan taste slightly dominates everything else. If anyone wants croutons or bacon bits they can add that when the salad is mixed and you can sprinkle some parmesan on the top is you like.
....
While I'm typing this I'm listening to a Neil DeGrasse Tyson lecture as I was going to say everyone has different tastes. If you're not a mustard fan, cut the mustard to 1/2 teaspoon. If you love garlic use two cloves. If you want Olive Oil that's fine. Try not to use powdered garlic because fresh garlic stinks but is quite healthy but if you do you can add more at the end to get that garlic edge Caesar salad traditionally has.
Tinkering at the end is when I learn the balance of power of the tastes and how to find that sweet spot that makes my body applaud and say "Yes, more of this".
Neil at that moment was explaining that Spearmint and Caraway are identical molecules except one is left handed and one is right handed. I paused it and they're both on my screen and I can see that's as true as it is fascinating. Both Spearmint and Caraway are exactly the same molecule except one chains left and one chains right and as a result the taste buds experience them as two completely different tastes [and they appear as two completely different plants].
For me none of this is about salad. It's one single example and moment in the life of Wolf Krause - widowered person still largely missing in action; but now with an expanded menu that has special meaning to me. It's an example of the little things we might find on the road back to becoming a human being again. The salad is unimportant. What it means to me is very important.
Had my MRI on my shoulder Wednesday. I went expecting it to be terrifying because of how every one told me it is claustrophobic and noisy. He put the headphones on, turned the soft music on, closed my eyes then I went in. Before I knew it I hear - all day, will be moving you out. I remember starting to pray for people, then I think I zoned out, maybe even fell asleep. I find out Monday if it is a torn rotator cuff or strained - something therapy can take care of.
My knew I hurt in March is doing better. The bursa has gotten small so maybe in time will be hidden like it should be. The spot I hit and traumatized is still 'hard' and if I do too much walking it will hurt that night and/or wake me up during the night. As one lady in the park told me 'you have an angry knee/leg and will take time to get over its anger".
I contacted the Geriactric Evaluation and Management people at the VA. So far I was approved for 30 days of respite a year - first 21 free then a small copay for the last 9. I meet with the lady next Thursday for them to do an evaluation. I probably won't need it until maybe this fall. They use the same day services and said they could possibly add two more days but I think I will stick with the 3 for now. I am already tired of getting up early 3 days a week to get him up.
Charlotte, yesterday we hit 91 degrees and I realize that I've spent my life thinking about the summer weather only on weekends. So when I said earlier that it never "comes down to 90" around here, in the same month I said that, it has. This summer doesn't feel much different from any other summer but the thermometer says that on average it's hotter around here. It's been in the high 80's most of the last two weeks. Good luck with the rotator cuff.
Just signing on to vent. On Thursday, my husband’s facility called me to say that he was raising holy hell. (I had told them to call me if they were thinking of taking him to the ER for behavior issues, since I would rather go to the facility than to sit in the ER all night.) Nine years after diagnosis and 2 years after being admitted to LTC, he has finally become incontinent and he is not taking it well. While the aides were changing him, he started to fight with them and they could not calm him down. When I got here, he was still agitated and was sitting with a security guard. His outburst are unpredictable. In the 26 months he has been in care, he has had four episodes - the first two times he was taken to the ER and the last two times (including this latest episode), I went over there.
I am so sad and discouraged. It isn’t just this episode. This whole summer I have been trying to avoid hiding in the house and to force myself to go out. In June, I organized a mini-reunion with three old school friends and twice this month, I went out for dinner with different friends. I’ve also been attending Monday-night garden tours given by an informal group. But the truth is that I am just going through the motions, pretending that I am a normal person with a normal life. In reality, I am an odd person with a bizarre life, trying to pretend that I get a little joy from the small things of daily life when in actuality, I don’t care any more. After almost a decade of living with this disease, I am all beat up.
Now I have to put in the disclaimer - I know I have it a lot easier than most people in my situation - I have family and friends locally, an excellent care facility nearby, and my husband’s outbursts have been few and far between. But that does not make me feel any better. I just hate this.
Myrtle you have been through a lot more than me but like you everything fell off the rails for me today. It is day 4 for Lisa in care last couple of nights she has been wondering. Last night apparently up all night going into people's rooms taking things this morning very agitated wouldn't calm tried to climb over the fence refused to take any medication. I got there with the dog she screamed At me I am a bad husband I don't need you go away I only need my dog. She grabbed the leash and headed away. Very upsetting I was not really prepared for this. Lisa left with the nurse and jake while I waited to see what we were going to do
It is a Saturday but the nurse phoned the doctor and left a message. The director of care came in to help she took Lisa and our dog (jake) out for a walk. Then in for a coffee and muffin and managed to slip an adavan in the muffin and gave her a glass of wine (she likes her wine and dr had given permission for her to have a glass a day at dinner). Rather unorthodox but Whatever works. She calmed and was just sitting with jake. So the dr got back to us we talked on speaker phone and he has changed medication to try and get her to settle. My fear is if she does not she will end up in the lockdown area or in the hospital so hopefully they can get the meds in her and she calms. They also suggested I leave but leave our dog as that seems to be her security blanket right now. So I am at home and jake is with Lisa. I will not be seeing her until she settles I guess but will take jake it when needed to help. Again a little unorthodox but I am impressed that they are thinking outside the box and using whatever works. Also dr just checking to make sure it is not a medical issue, ie urinary tract infection, that could be causing the behaviour. I don't think so but glad they are checking.
My feeling lately she has been saying I know I don't have much time left and your going to put me somewhere aren't you? She feels she is fine but somewhere in there I feel she knows that things are getting worse. Yesterday she said to me this is a very nice place and nice people I wouldn't mind staying here for awhile but today I think she understands that she is in a home. One day at a time. What a roller coast of emotions.
Myrtle, you are not pretending to have a normal life. You're trying to have some life and that's extremely difficult in these circumstances even without your husband's reaction to becoming incontinent. Listen to the truth of the situation but not the drumbeat. Know that you are under siege as a human being and Myrtle we need you to be able to find some safe places.
There may come a time or two when you talk to the nursing station and if they have a social worker type and let them know how much strain you are under with the purpose of asking here or there for no feedback for a week or two because you absolutely need to catch up with yourself a bit. I don't mean in this one situation, I mean as a way to manage some respite for yourself here and there. I did that a few times and they were very supportive. If there's an emergency call right away, otherwise I'll come and visit in two weeks so that I can get a brief respite. Would anything like that help?
I have heard the stress meter on you go up in the last couple of months. I urge you to keep talking about what's going on inside.
Rona, that's four days now and it's still working. Try and eat and sleep and keep getting through this adjustment period. Let's hope all of them including Robert's wife all settle down into this.
Rona, Well, I guess the first few days were too good to be true. Like you, I'm impressed that the facility is thinking outside the box and is showing a commitment to helping Lisa to fit in. In one way, it's good she is angry at you because that means she is not clingy (at least not now). Among all the other wise words Charlotte has said, one thing struck me, which is, "Let her have her anger." After all, as Alz spouses, we feel entitled to our anger, so why should the afflicted person not get to have some anger, too? Although you can sympathize with her, you have nothing to apologize for, since you are doing the right thing. It's a tough position for you to be in. I hope she adjusts fairly soon.
Wolf, You are right about the stress meter going up. I think it may be that I see my husband has fully entered a new stage. He s no longer the energizer bunny, but walks slowly so he can look at the floor. He has few words and communicates with others by making little noises (tikatikatika) and tries to be funny by making trilling or clucking sounds with his tongue. Last week another man was talking to him and he responded by wiggling his eyebrows so the bill of his baseball cap went up and down. (It really was quite funny.) All this tells me that we are further down the road and it scares me. I'll think about the respite you suggested. It's a good idea.
Myrtle, You have always been so very supportive of others, and I feel for you. As Rene progressed downwards from stage to stage, I went with him.
As I read all the entries I am so glad that he is beyond all of this, and at last at peace. This is not meant as a negative - just an understanding of how difficult it must be for you. My heart is with you.
Thanks so much, marg. That's a good way to put it - as he progressed downward from stage to stage, I went with him. I guess I'm trying to do the opposite, i.e., to get stronger as he gets weaker. Thank goodness we all have each other on this site to give us a little of that needed strength.
Just read the MRI results. Partial rotator cuff tear, mild degeneration, mild bursitis. I keep seeing reports of mild degeneration or osteoarthritis - reminds me I am 63 not young. This thing with my shoulder started about 5 years ago and got worse the last year. Now Monday to see how she wants to proceed. Hopefully therapy of some kind will fix it without surgery. I think it may have started with me always grabbing the handle to pull myself up the stairs coming into the MH. They are 9 inches - high for short legs!!
Myrtle--I've been trying to think of practical advice that would be helpful, as I look back at Larry's AD years, which of course encompassed the inevitable slow downward decline and plenty of misery, fatigue, and depression for me. From the vantage point of 22 months out, I think that, while AD buries you and ruins your life, you have to somehow--even though it's hard, and you don't feel like it anymore--to cling by your fingernails to whatever vestiges of health and happiness for yourself that you can. Not caring about that is probably part of the depression we all face/faced, but you have to struggle with that, too. Try to create and savor some good, nurturing, happy moments for yourself. You won't have time for hours...it will have to be moments. lol Whatever it is that can bring you peace, rest, and comfort, albeit in tiny snippets--try to do. A delicious cup of coffee, a few moments looking at a green plant, or some flowers, the scent of a calming essential oil like lavender, the ISS going over, the majesty of the planet Mars in the southern sky...doesn't sound like much, but it adds up and helps get you through the hellaciousness.
The rotator cuff according to the doctor is 'hanging by a thread'. She has referred me to the surgeon. Now to decide whether to have surgery this fall while hb is still able to carry and lift things for me, or wait until he is placed then I would be totally on my own. I am heavily leaning now - this fall after it cools off some. I will make the final decision after talking with the surgeon.
Hot today - 100 but I won't complain. It has been a milder summer than last year and we are not sweltering like much of the rest of the country. Humidity was 70% last night but 10% right now so 100 is not so bad.
Charlotte, If you have this done now, think about what benefits the VA might be able to give Art while you are recuperating. When my husband was wearing me out by taking off here and there, the VA approved an aide to serve as a companion for 30 hours per year so I could get a rest from chasing him down the street. Thirty hours is not a lot but while you are recuperating, it might help to have someone take him out for lunch on the days he's at home (they could bring back some lunch for you, too!). Or maybe you could get some extra days of daycare or even some respite care so you don't have to worry about him.
I am approved for the 30 days per year. I have a meeting with the lady from the VA on Thursday. Once I speak with her, then I will have to wait until I speak with the surgeon. The VA will pay for day care but the same 3 days a week that Aging and Long Term Care pay for. Just playing the waiting game now until I get more info to decide.
Seeing bluedaze’s mention of Gracie on another thread prompted me to post this report about my cat, Lucy. Took her to the vet today for her annual checkup. The vet kindly combed two mats out of her long silky orange hair. He gave her a C- in the area of personal hygiene. (How embarrassing!) He prescribed a “lion cut” for her next May. I said I thought it would humiliate her but he said that even though I take her to a groomer regularly, a summer shave is essential, since she is not good at grooming herself and won't let me get near her with a comb.
Charlotte, I just saw your post about already being approved for 30 days of aides' help. If you go ahead with the surgery, that might come in handy for the days on which your husband does not go to day care. He and the aide could go around doing errands for you. BTW, when my husband had that benefit, the VA allowed the aide to work for a lot of hours on the assigned day but did not allow them to split up the same number of hours into different days. For example, I could have an aide work for 5 hours on 1 day but if he or she worked for 2 hours on 2 days it would still count as two days against the total number of 30. Also, if you go through an agency, make sure the agency allows the aides to do what you need. For example, here, most agencies allow a aide to drive the patient around in the aide's car. But one agency I was going to use did not have insurance for that so the aide had to use the patient's family car. Since I often needed to use my car, that was not convenient for me.