Sometimes I feel like I'm in pergatory. My husband as I knew him is gone. He is safe and not unhappy where he now resides. I feel like I'm going through the motions of living. I'm no longer miserable-but except when I'm with my family I'm not happy either.
Happiness is...Loving so deeply that you decide to stick it out "til death do us part"...in spite of Alzheimer's, BUT in encouragement of "I love you" 100+ times a day...in encouragement of "I'm sorry you..." knowing he meant "sorry you have to deal with this"...Happiness is...remembering ALL our special moments (1982 & beyond) before this Alzheimer's walk began...
Dede, yeah. I've had that. It was a real shock because they had gone though it with a parent and really did understand. They were also the people who got me some help within our community that I hadn't had the guts to ask for myself.
Happiness is having your wonderful 18 year old grandson move in and become the daytime caregiver for your husband so that you can still work and afford everything including the insurance needed for him!
Aren't those 'near-adult' grandsons just the greatest invention? What a joy they are and we are so blessed. What fun. Our one gson plays cribbage with DH and when DH makes a grievous error, he says "You can't do that Grandpa!" DH says "Why not?" Gson replies: "Because it's cheating!" DH says "Oh, I'm sorry. Let me fix that." Then they have a good laugh.
Just a silly little vignette but what a bright spot in the day.
Oh natsmom...that comment about "sorry" meaning sorry you have to go through this was really meaningful to me. My hubby says "I'm sorry" about a zillion times a day, but goes right on doing all the things that are making life difficult. I have always thought.. ".no you're not sorry..if you were you would stop doing what you're doing"..but now I will try to look at it as if he's feeling sad that I have to cope with all this. These posts are really comforting...doesn't solve anything, but comforting nevertheless. Glad I found this site.
Happiness TODAY after dealing with the hurricane last week, is having electricity/water/food/and the comforts of home, at the same time feeling so overwhelmed and sorry for the poor souls here in TX who are struggling and who lost everything to Ike..Divvi
Happiness is knowing I did the best I could and was there for him until the end. Happiness is believing he still loved me, even when he no longer knew who I was.
Happiness is..... Going through pictures and seeing your children as babies and you loved one remembers who they are for the moment.. the sadness ... He doesn't know them now.. but he is very good at hiding this he looks at them and gives them a kiss but doesn't say anything until yhey leave then askwho was that....
Happiness is reading comments that make me feel like I'm not so alone in what happens in this AD world. In this particular case I'm referring to DIVVI's comment on Sept 8, 2008 about happiness being "having a meltdown and the day after when your system is all cried out til next time and the toxins and depression have all been temporarily purged." I'm having more of these times now that the final stages of this evil AD are here. Sometimes a statement made on this board can be so what is needed to just feel like "ok, there are many others in this same boat and the same things are happening". What a comfort this is. Sometimes on a trying day when I can't shake the depression and hopelessness and the crying and the coping, I am so tired the next day but do have a renewed will and strength to carry on. DIVVI thanks for putting it into perspective........it's all purged.
Dear Anitalynn, yes purging is a needed powerful force:) there is one more thing i like to think of when my coping mechanisms are weakened.
**think of a ferris wheel and your emotions are each locked into the baskets turning on the big wheel of life-invision that the basket with stress just passed, then the fear just passed, then the anger one passes, then the hope basket comes round followed by the joy and then the happiness, ...with each turn of the wheel the next one brings something better- so dont despair it never stays the same." Divvi-
i guess this is my philosophy in life-try to be an optimist within all the pessism-
Happiness is knowing that this is not the way our lives will be forever. It is knowing that a loving God is waiting in heaven for us to come home to be with Him, without sickness and pain!
Happiness is watching DH playing with our little black kitten and talking to him. Kitty just seems to know it's his job to let DH stroke him and he purrs and sleeps on DH's lap. They both take a nap together. Very sweet. DH wories if he can't find the kitten (who, btw, loves to hide from us and jump out from behind furniture, etc. That always makes DH laugh out loud. He has a good laugh. It's good to hear it.
Mawsy, I know exactly howyou feel with the little things that cause them to feel happy even for a short while. my heart glows with a good belly laugh too:) divvi
My husband spent the entire morning with our youngest, Max, and DaBird, this feather thing on the end of a "fishing pole." They had a ball. Finally Max retreated to nap. Husband did not. But it made me so happy to see both of them enjoying something sustained!
Happiness is being able to enjoy the moments when they come along where he not only interacts with me, tells me he loves me but also hugs me on how own. Happiness is being able to listen to him ramble on and on and even if none of it makes sense I can still respond appropriately to him so he is happy with our "conversation".