Some days I can deal with Mr. AD, but, lately I've been on a really short fuse. Mr AD follows me everywhere. He's waiting for me outside the bathroom, standing behind me in the kitchen when I'm trying to make supper, standing in the doorway right now as I type. I can't even get up early to sneak in some private time, because he is such a light sleeper, and gets out of bed as soon as I make a move. Please leave me alone!
Does anyone else have a spouse that is so clingy? It is just constant. When he goes to the Day program (1 day/week) I have to go get him early because he is so disruptive looking for me and wanting to go outside to find me. The PSW's are having a difficult time keeping him in - I have to go to the basement to have a nap when they are here, so he can't find me.
I am so tired and cranky lately, I just want to run away so I can have some quiet time alone!
Oh cvh I can really relate. My husband died in March but for a long period as his disease progressed he was exactly as you describe. I thought I was going to go stark raving mad.
Like a chid or puppy. I couldn't even get up during the night to go to the bathroom without finding him right there. Followed me from room to room, etc. As I say, just like you are outlining. I think they are trying to make sense of their world and can't so cling to us knowing somewhere deep in their brains we are looking out for them and somehow will help them stay safe. Pure speculation on my part. Even it this is true, complete short fuse time for sure!!
Is there any way you can build in some respite for you? Somehow for you to get away even for a few days? I believe it is human to desperately need alone time. If you don't get some, your health might suffer.
My husband has now been in a facility for about a month, but I can relate to what you've said. I guess this might be what is called shadowing (not sure) & Dan had begun to do it more & more. In between his bouts of pacing from one window/door to another, I'd turn around & almost bump into him. I'm "hearing deficient", don't always wear my hearing aids at home, so I didn't hear him. I began to refer to him as the creeper! He would stand close by & watch everything I did in the kitchen, drove me crazy. Sometimes he would come up behind me & oh so lightly tap my shoulder - it was creepy! They can behave very strangely. He never followed me into the bathroom, but every time I went in there, within 2-3 minutes he would holler "are you coming out soon - I have to go". I don't know if it sparked the thought that he actually needed to use the bathroom, or if it was just imagination. Other times he would just wet himself & not even know it. And yes, I became very cranky at times, even downright mean occasionally. It kind of is part of the "game" I think.
Cvs wow this is my life. If I leave the room for longer than a minute I can hear him coming. I long for quiet. He does sleep in after I get up in am so that is my time. I have started taking a walk so I can enjoy the air and the sounds of nature. Actually hate it when I have to get him moving early for appointments cause I know I will have no peace that day.
Katherinecs, I tried to put him into weekend respite (we have one here for weekends only), but, he behaved so badly the first and only time I got him into respite, that they said they didn't want him back. He was banging on the windows trying to get out to find me. They said they would take him for the day only, and I had to be available by phone to come and get him if he acted up again.
I have asked the Dr. for something for his agitation, pacing, sundowning, shadowing, crying and full blown anxiety attacks. His Dr. prescribed him 25 mg of Trazodone, which is close to useless. Has anyone else been prescribed anything for this? He needs something else.
I can't remember who it was. But a member here had a husband who watched her with binoculars. Just feet away from her, in the house. I can't tell you how many times DH almost ended up on top of me when I stopped or turned around, he was following me so closely.
cvh, A boatload of different drugs have been prescribed for the spouses of people on this site. My own husband took Ativan as needed for anxiety and agitation when he was living at home. (He still does, now that he is in LTC.) It works well for him and takes effect quickly. It sounds like your husband needs something other than (or in addition to) the Trazodone.
P.S. I just brought a previous thread about "shadowing" to the top so you can get a sense of how common this is.
Thank you for bringing that post to the top for me. I did know it (shadowing) happened to some, I didn't know it was so common a condition. I will go back to the Dr. and ask for more potent meds. His anxiety is so bad that he has had full blown panic attacks. I feel like I am constantly in the Dr. office with him, it's one thing after another.
Cvh The same exact thing going on at my house. Mim hit the nail on the head w creeper. So quiet I can't hear him and he is lurking and eavesdropping. He is also a light sleeper and if he hears me he's a step behind me. He was getting very paranoid and angry. Dr. prescribed seroquel he worked his way up and now is on 50 mg 3 times a day. He is still one step behind me but not angry. No nap during the day but sleeps nights. I think he might be bored but maybe that's because I'm so bored. He is dx lbd w Parkinsonism.
Larry did this, too. His meds were Ativan and Seroquel. I could go on and on about how it drove me crazy--but I knew that he was just insecure and anxious--as his sister commented, "He relies on you totally."
cvh are you linked up with community supports? A nurse or social worker or doctors who can help you strategize as well as offer some respite you might not know about?
I live in Canada where each province has community nursing and team support funded by our medical plans. Not sure where you are but hopefully there is something you can access for support and guidance.
I learned very early on it takes a team of people including professionals to navigate this disease.
Katherinecs, I live in Ontario. Yes I have accessed CCAC, CPHC, CHS, Alzheimer's Society, Etc. I take him to the Memory Disorder Clinic in Ottawa. All the doctors seem to just pass the buck to the next one. It was the Dr at the Memory Disorder clinic that prescribed the Trazodone, his GP doesn't want to step on her toes and prescribe something else. I do have home care come in and he goes to a day program one day a week(I have to go get him early). He is so afraid that I may leave him it is very difficult on everyone. That's why respite doesn't want to take him.
It's just crazy that when you need Respite because of the stress of caring for your LO, the Respite won't take him or her because of their behavior--the very thing you need respite from. Hello! What's wrong with this picture. They can't handle the person when they have a facility and full staff--but you're supposed to do it alone at home on a 24/7 basis.
Ask the doc at the Memory Disorder clinic if Ativan as needed would be appropriate for him. If not, ask what else might be recommended. Elizabeth is right - you shouldn't have to deal with an Alzheimer's patient who is so anxious and agitated that even professionals cannot care for him. And your husband should not have to suffer from panic attacks that are probably preventable.
If you have CPHC you must live close to the seaway and I had the same group careing for my hubby. You must live pretty close to me. We had a great Dr. At that time in Brockville at the mental health clinic at the psychiatric hospital. They were the geriatric psyc team and I sure miss him. The residence were My DH is has a secure respite room an they are great with them. I wish I could give you the names but not on here. You sound so desperate and I sure know that feeling.