I placed my spouse 5 months ago? He is doing great, but iM apparently not. I have had 3 accidents. I haven't been hurt but my car is taking a beating, I almost burned my house down a couple days ago when I left chicken cooking , and left the house. I am still very stressed! Worried about nursing home and whatever else I can find to worry about. My daughters problems with Down syndrome son is at top of list. Have any of you gone thru more stress after you placed your spouse? Am I cookoo or what?
I think there is some kind of assumption that once our spouse is placed, life for us gets easier. The only things that got easier for me - eventually - able to sleep and not be afraid in my own house. Placement brings with it a whole new set of issues. Big issues.
My stress level also skyrocketed after my husband went into care. Mary said it so well.
Please take good care of you Ky caregiver. As my counsellor regularly says to me, "Remember to breath and go gently."
Ky caregiver, I agree with Mary that your daughter and grandson are not your responsibility at the moment. You are worried and distracted...can't think straight for stress, I imagine...my husband wasn't placed, but I know the feeling of the mind turning to mush, can't concentrate, can't remember things, banging up the car (yes, I did it, too.) With your husband placed, you need to try letting go a little bit...let the staff do their jobs, even if they can't do it as well as you can. Save your own life. Get away, whether you actually take a trip somewhere or whether you just vegetate with DVDs, books, a craft like knitting...maybe just browsing the public library or perhaps (this is getting to be the good time of year) going to a nearby park or public gardens...botanical gardens...something like that.Relax, breathe, don't put too many demands on yourself. Being an Alzheimers spouse is a full-time job and then some. Don't try to tackle too much of anything else, and find ways to refresh and restore yourself as much as possible. It isn't being selfish or narcissistic--it is absolutely necessary if you are going to survive this.
Thank you so much for validating that I'm not the only one this hash appened too. It really is frightening to have all these crazy things happening to me. I am seeing a counselor, finally I caught on things not going well with me I've never been nervous type, but o think I am changed, of course this role does change people. I actually have been on a vacation lately, problem was I had to return to real life. My dtr is aware I'm going thru something and is lsupportive. I have been a large part of Adams life since birth. As was my husband. They were each other's favorites, Adam and My David. Adam just doesn't understand what is happening with papa.. It's so sad, so I've tried not to waiver in my care of hm. But I will have to bow out a little. Elizabeth , you got it, I can't think daughter for stress!
I agree with everyone else here. You are majorly distracted. It is so difficult once they are placed. Just try to slow down a bit and stay focused on each task as it comes. As they say...one step at a time. I know, easy to say...harder to do! God bless you on your love for your grandson...they are so precious!
Ky caregiver, We all seem to get kind of crazy after our spouses are placed. In my case, it just felt so unnatural and bizarre. It's been two years for us and it still seems awkward. Plus, there's the sense that it's temporary - maybe like having a kid away at college - so I am just treading water. I find it to be a very strange kind of stress. I don't understand why there seems to be no psychological literature about this stage in our lives.
I think I must be the odd man out with this...my blood pressure has returned to normal since Dan was placed, I feel much less stress. Of course, my own health issues might be taking precedence right now. I am enjoying the solitude, although it really does seem strange to me. All I know is that at the present time, I could not handle any pressure or stress with him at home, physically or mentally.
I guess that sounds rather cold & heartless - I do miss him, I don't miss the anxiety. I miss him, but not the cleaning up. I miss him, but not the constant pacing and/or shadowing.
Mim, From reading this page, I think we can all agree that people's responses to events can be very different. What is so wonderful about this page is that you find others who know exactly how you feel and how you are responding to events. They both reassure you that you are not alone even as you reassure them.
For example, I remember reading about Joan's anger and rage at what was happening to her and her husband. My response to what was happening to my partner and me was different, a deep wailing despondence and sadness. Readers here responded with empathy to the both of us. I think we both received and gave support to others even though our responses to similar events are very different.
You need the solitude and the freedom from stress right now. And your response to your husband's placement may indeed help speed the healing that you need. Claim them and don't worry. Sounds like your husband is doing well.