Hello all. The last six weeks have been particularly horrific with one complication after the other. Duncan died an agonizing death despite everyone's best efforts. The Drs and nurses were great but I have never seen anyone suffer as much as Duncan did, both throughout the progression of his disease and days leading to his death.
Today, we bury him. It all seems surreal. I need to turn to you please. No one gets it but us. All I do is cry.
I will get through today knowing I can come back here to continue the journey with all of you. A big heartfelt thank you.
I am so sorry that it was such a difficult ending with his dreadful disease. I pray for you today as you say a final goodbye. Please try to remember that we are all with you in spirit and are sending you the warmest and tightest hugs we have!
I am so sorry that your husband suffered such agony. Although his pain has ended, I know you must still be suffering because of what he went through. We are all thinking of you.
I am so sorry for your loss. Remembering you with prayers and wishes for comfort and peace now and in the future. We will be here for you. We care, and we understand.
Katherine, please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. I'm sorry that the last few weeks were such difficult and painful ones for you and your DH. Although it doesn't make it easier, you know he is now at peace. You are right that everybody here understands. I will be thinking of you today and as you move forward.
Katherine - I share your sorrow. My DH passed away this morning after just a week in hospice care. Although he had AZ, the actual cause of death was kidney failure, related to another condition. Thankfully his death was peaceful thanks to the wonderful care at the hospice facility. My best to you.
katlady, I am so sorry. You must be in shock - it was just last week when you decided to put your husband into hospice. I am glad that he had a peaceful death but I know you must be grieving deeply.
I am so sorry for your loss and your husband's suffering. Right now you are in shock - I didn't realize that was the reason I couldn't complete a sentence, concentrate, and walked in circles for a month after Sid died. My grief counselor explained it to me. So take care of you by resting as much as possible, and crying as much as you need to.
Katlady,
Please accept my deepest condolences. MaryinPA* is so right. Knowing it is coming does not make it easier. We all understand.
Joan is right that you both need to rest a lot. Just reel with it...don't put any expectations on yourselves or try to be too functional...just try to survive. No big changes, no big decisions...just be gentle and good to yourselves. We are all here to listen and to grieve with you, and to try to offer as much support as possible. Arms around. (((((( )))))) (((((( ))))))
Katherine, It was very sad to read of the suffering of your husband, I am sorry that you and he had to endure that ending. May he now rest in peace. I send you my most sincere sympathy. Cassie.
Katherine and katlady-dear valiant ladies-Yes, we are here for you. We understand the agony. You can say whatever you wish without being judged. No one will say that your dear husbands are in a better place because we know that a better place would be with you, whole again. Love, Nora May I offer part of an anthem written by Leonard Cohen: ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything-that is how the light gets in.
I knew posting here would give me the strength I needed to face that last couple of days. I started getting responses immediately and came here often reading them over and over. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. As we have said endlessly no one but people here "get it."
Now my husband is buried and I am going to stay home for several days. I live in a small community and need to shield myself from comments such as I heard yesterday, "Well you knew this was coming right" or "You'll get over it." Geeish!
Joan, you gave us all such a gift starting this site. I shudder to think what I would have done or become the last several years without this fabulous resource and all of you.
Now I will start reading the thread for widows and widowers. I feel as if everything is surreal and am in a fog. What the heck am I now without my major title of "care-giver?" Well I guess I will find out over the next months. I know there are many others here having experienced the death of their spouse who will guide me. Again thank you.
Katherinecs-- the journey of grief is different for each but after reading the posts here some of the things are pretty much the same and I can say from my experience, the first 3 months I was pretty numb, the second 3 months were a tad better but not much. I started having some "good" days at about 8 months or at least I noticed that I was having some good days. That for me would be defined as not feeling the gray grief cloud over me quite so much. the task of finding a new identify other than care giver is taking me a lot longer and is very slow. I have made a few "new" friends that I did not have before his death. One girl I met at a bereavement group at my church who lost her mother to the disease. Not the same as a spouse but she "gets it." I find that I have having difficulty with holidays. Got through Christmas but was not up to doing my usual Easter brunch for the family and feel very lost. Just focus on taking one day at a time and try to rest now. It is over and you must take the time to rest physically as well as emotionally. I am very sorry for the loss of your husband.
Katherine, I am approaching the one-year mark in May (on almost the same time line as CO2). I know that for you right now that must seem like an eternity away and the grieving/healing process is so individual, much like the AD itself. It has only been in the past few weeks that I can honestly say I feel myself coming out of the fog and funk. I went up to the cemetery this afternoon to leave some flowers and I think this is the first visit where I haven't sobbed all the way home.
This site has been a lifeline for me with so much insight and helpful advice and I have done a lot of other reading on my own as I try to move forward. It is difficult to redefine yourself as a single and so hard to meet new friends and sometimes I still feel stuck as to just how to go about this. I am fortunate to have family and grandchildren and a few close friends who have stayed with me. I know it is a cliche but I do feel I can truly say that being alone is not the same as being lonely. I think one of the big lessons for me is not to fight the sad emotional times when they come but to just feel the pain, cry if I need to, keep breathing and come out on the other side. I wish you rest and peace in the coming days.
Very sorry to hear of your husbands passing and that it was not the peaceful passing we all hope for our spouses...That you had to listen to very insensitive comments from others at such an emotional time, or any time for that matter, is truly unacceptable...wouldn't it be nice if they put their brains in gear before putting mouth in motion? Hope you are able to get some rest now and just BE...hoping for peaceful, restful days ahead for you
Katherine and katlady, my deepest sympathy for your losses. Katherine, it must have been so horrible to watch Duncan suffer so the last few months, but now he is resting peacefully and no longer in pain.
Katlady, I am glad your husband had a peaceful passing. Prayers for both of you and your families.
Katherine, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband hasn't passed yet but I feel like a widow. Im going through a stage of grief now at the way he is and miss him terribly. I don't see how it can be any worse but of course it is, as you well know. Seeing your spouse suffer so much is horrific. Once again, please accept my sympathy.
katherinecs, I am so very sorry that your husband's journey ended in such pain. This nightmare disease is so cruel and you tried so hard to keep him comfortable. I hope you are finding some peace in the care and love you gave him throughout. God bless.
katherinecs, I'm so sorry for your loss and what your husband went through at the end. Although we all wish for a peaceful end after our loved ones go through this dreadful, horrendous disease, it doesn't always happen that way for reasons we may never know. My prayers and wish for you is that, with time, you will heal and find ways to cope, regain hope for yourself and find comfort in your memories.