"February brings the rain, Thaws the frozen lake again." [From a poem/nursery rhyme by Sara Coleridge (1803-1852)].
At this time of year, it should be below freezing here but as in the poem, it has been raining and our frozen lakes are thawing. Ice fishing was declared over last week, when the temperature approached 50, and in the hills they have already started tapping maple trees. If that means a short winter and an early spring, I have no complaints.
I have never understood why the traffic gets so heavy when it is raining.
IF you want to believe the groundhog, spring will come early.
Yesterday was sunny and beautiful. Today was sunny in the morning but cloudy then showers this afternoon and tonight. Oh well. As I was walking this morning with the dog, I was wondering if because we have had so much rain (for us) this winter if the wild flowers will be more abundant than last year, which was pretty.
Bandit and I went outside last night to see the space station. It was chilly of course, but there was no snow on the ground and the dark, cool evening felt good.
Temperature right now is 46 degrees and this is Feb. and this is Maine. There is almost no snow on ground (heavy rain last night). Quite a change from last winter.
My sister came out of her bedroom at 10:30am. It is 9 pm now. Art and her have been exchanging "jabs/wise cracks" all day. It has been exhausting for me. They both should sleep well. This is a woman I was told never comes out of her room.
I forgot how damp and mossy it is here! Otherwise it is going OK but I don't know if I could live in this weather again.
Saw the space station last night again--made DD and the kids and the dog come outside to view it, then showed kids a photo of it on the computer. They probably were more interested in Spongebob Squarepants and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but hey, I can only try.
The forum is quiet today. Hope everyone is having a nice Sunday. The stars were beautiful last night--I was out at 5am with the dog--a cold but gorgeous night.
At 1:58 on July 8, 2015 Rene will have passed 7 months ago. In respect for his memory I will try to put my life back to some semblance of normal. There is still much to do with paperwork, but I think it has to be put in perspective.
I joined Weight Watchers on line (harder for us older folk, not having grown up with all this technology), but hoping it will work. Also, trying to begin walking and some light exercise to begin with. I know Rene would definitely approve of this - health was so important to him. Now that I have announced this, I had better stick to it! My friend said that if I stick to the program I should lose about 2 lbs. per week. I have joined a bereavement group, and hope that will help to ease the loss, and lessen the anxiety.
Hoping that, in time, I will see beyond the problems.
I also hope, sincerely, that the folks on the board are coping. My heart grieves for those still in the trenches.
Tomorrow I hope to begin again ... my happiness is my responsibility.
Was it 1:58 AM or PM, Margaret? Seven months is not very long at all--be kind to yourself, and just do what you can do. I think sadness and depression is like a big swamp that we are stuck in and can't get out of for a while...and it makes any kind of forward movement difficult. It just takes the time it takes, and you can't push it too much.
I found that being able to get out and walk made a huge difference. It seemed to loosen up my back, hips, and legs, and made me feel better; also made any other kind of exercise I tried seem easier. Walking got the kinks out.
I will at least try to move on, Elizabeth. In one way it seems like a thousand years ago, and in another way it feels like yesterday. There is a huge hole in my life, and I know, in my heart, that he would want me to be healthy. He meant everything to me, and, to tell you the truth, his happiness was my happiness. Not trying to be melodramatic, but I loved him and everything he stood for. Ok, enough!, but I will always love him, and like you, I HATE what Alzheimers did to our spouses.
I (and I believe I am not alone) have followed, very closely, your posts all during the misery that you and Larry went through, when you felt you were talking too much, and you felt that people were not listening or caring, but we were with you during those days. I may fail, and misstep, but I try, and hope for the best. If I get bogged down, I will remember your words.
Thanks for encouragement. Wish me luck as I try ...
I also saw that all was quiet on the forum, but I could only think of sad or negative things to say, so I stayed silent all day. In fact, I have been paralyzed by depression for weeks now, which seems to happen frequently. Anything will set it off. I was sick with a sinus infection for a few weeks, then got sick from the antibiotic that was prescribed for it. Last night was the first good night's sleep I had in weeks and I woke up well-rested. The day was beautiful and sunny but I was paralyzed into inaction. I finally dragged myself out to see my husband and felt so much better just being with him.
I am one of those who fell apart at the time of diagnosis (8½ years ago for us) and never fully recovered. After reading the posts about life-after-Alzheimer's, I see that I'll probably have a year or two of debilitating grief after my husband dies, which I don't think will be anytime soon. I just can't see how I can survive this for years to and years to come.
Dear Myrtle, who is always one of the first to give great, practical advice and help to others …
I hope that my email did not depress you. I understand fully what you are going through, and my heart is with you. I remember those days well. It is, most probably, much harder for you than for your husband.
In spite of what I said, there comes a time when you at least know that his struggle is over, and that is such a weight off your shoulders. Suddenly you don’t have to worry about him. I think you will feel relieved by knowing that, and can carry on, knowing you did everything possible for him. I believe that Rene is again healthy in mind and body now, and I think always that he is safe with his mother and a beloved uncle. I will always remember the look of peace on his face. This is what I hold onto.
Myrtle, I have read all your emails, and know how much you loved and cared for your husband. In spite of your very practical mind, that has to be such a consolation to you, knowing you looked out for him always. He is so fortunate to have you.
My feeling is that we need others in our lives just to change the focus, even for a little while. I’ve been mostly solitary, too, in spite of the fact that my daughter lives downstairs, but her health is almost as much of a concern as Rene’s was. She’s suffering from depression because of many health problems, and she likes her privacy and solitude, and I do, too. I don’t intrude. We do get together, and she calls or visits a few times a day. She knows I’m here when she needs something or she needs me. But it is a never-ending worry.
Hold on to the fact that he loved you, and you are there for him.
I don’t know if this is at all helpful, but know that we care, and understand. (((((()))))))
Myrtle, the way you will survive the years to come--and You Will--is to just take it one day at a time. For just one day, try to get a little exercise and fresh air, try to do at least one thing that you enjoy, try to get enough rest. Grab a nap in a comfortable chair even if it's just for 15 minutes, if you are tired from not sleeping well at night. It is the little moments of decent quality of life that will get you through. To think about months and years is just too intimidating, and is not really concrete. You need to think of concrete things to do to give yourself better quality of life, and that will help to ease the depression. I do think that that paralyzing depression that we all go through is just part of the process. It is just so hard to get in gear sometimes. And if any people on God's green earth have the right to be depressed, it is we Alzheimer spouses. It is literally one of the worst things to go through in terms of what someone's spouse's final illness may be. Myrtle, you have helped all of us so much with your common sense, practicality, and down to earth kindness. I am throwing you the rope tonight....it already has a knot at the end...just grab that thing and hang on tight and know that the rest of us are holding onto the other end. Hugs. (((((())))))
I was so hoping you would come along to speak with Myrtle and give her some practical help and advice. Myrtle, you will make it! If we made it, you can too, one day at a time. Hang on to the rope, and, as Elizabeth said, 'know that the rest of us are holding onto the other end'. We all care very much ... God bless, and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
I was thinking about this overnight, and I think that maybe we need the "paralysis" of depression as a means to hoard our strength to enable us to survive. I had many days after Larry's death--particularly the weekends, when I had nothing else to do, and could get away with it--when I would just not even be able to shower in the mornings, and just put on leggings, Uggs, and some kind of casual fleecy tunic on top, and just read, watched DVDs, or stayed on line for far too much time all day long. If I brushed my teeth it was a good day. I am not saying that kind of thing is what we want to do for a lifetime, but maybe there was a certain necessity to it--as a step in the healing path.
Myrtle, even though your DH is still with you, although placed, I am wondering if along with trying some of the positives I mentioned in my post last night...it may not be a totally bad thing to be "paralyzed" with depression at times. I'm not saying it should be all the time, but I'm thinking and wondering if a certain amount of that non-functional "paralysis" may be filling a need--giving us a big time-out to allow us to recoup our strength and subconsciously be building new coping mechanisms toward new life.
I'm not sure if my point is valid or not--I know that depression tends to be viewed as all bad, all the time. But for an Alzheimers spouse, I think situational depression is to be expected--it's a given, I would say. But whether or not there are some kernels of new life and new hope inside of it...I think maybe there are, but I'm not sure about this. Maybe others will chime in.
Myrtle, we live only an hour apart, and if you'd like to have lunch on occasion, I'm open. I believe in sharing, that's why I'm here on this website, but I also believe in jibber jabber - we need to escape sometimes. Let me know if you are interested in meeting. Lindylou
Well, I feel a lot better after unloading all this angst on you. I just hope that it was not contagious. Today I forced myself to go out early and do all my errands and visit my husband because I wanted to get it all done before the snow started.
Elizabeth, What you describe in your first paragraph is exactly the way I get. Now that I think about it, this kind of "paralysis" may be a kind of psychological defense mechanism, in the same way that the much-maligned "denial" serves as a way of coping with something we cannot bear. Another wife who husband is at the vet's residence just told me that she had been feeling ill for weeks and her doctor thought it was psychological and told her to stop visiting her husband so often. She has the same problem with that as I would - I really miss my husband and want to be with him every day.
Marg78*, You didn't depress me at all. (Except I could have done without the reference to Weight Watchers - If anyone should join that it should be me!)
Lindylou, I would love to get together sometime. I have put my email address on my account profile and will leave it there for a little while. (You have to be signed it to see it.) Please email me to let me know you've recorded it.
Myrtle, it is great to hear that your day was better. That has certainly picked up my evening... I think I wasn't the only one thinking about you. So happy, also, that you and Lindylou can get together. Hope you sleep well tonight.
Lindylou, if you'll just go back three messages in this thread and click on "myrtle" in blue at the beginning of her post, you'll be taken to her profile/
You're right, marg, and I truly appreciate it. And it's a lot of fun when a post on this site results in something unexpected like this. Like when Joan met Coco and jackiem29 in D.C. and when elizabeth met Mim in Ohio, and when people get together in FL, etc.
Myrtle - the VA home my FIL was at in Bedford,MA the wives would meet everyday in the rec room where their husband's were. Most husbands were not able to communicate, just sat there at the table but the wives would sit around the outside of the room and chat, some were knitting, crocheting or even reading. They said they were not alone, so that was good for them. They said it was nice to be with others that understood and often met outside the home.
I just read CO2's comment on the "Widows and Widowers" thread and realized that her description of being "paralyzed and basically unable to function" is exactly the condition I was talking about (although since I am not widowed my reasons may be different from hers). I am also wondering whether what I am experiencing may actually be anxiety rather than depression, although I guess they go hand-in-hand. I'll have to ask the doctor, although to tell you the truth, I have more confidence in the advice of the people on this site.
I think the anxiety and depression go together like peanut butter and jelly. And sometimes I think it's hard to know where one stops and the other kicks in.
I haven't been here for a while simply because of the above. Just can't get my mind to go there. I have no wisdom or encouragement to offer at the moment, so it's better to just be quiet, I guess. There is an in home care nurse coming next week for an interview & more paperwork...I'm so uptight at the prospect & Dan's reaction to it, especially after she leaves. I just want someone to see to his personal hygiene at this point & it is definitely NOT going to go over well. And mailing in the final paper for daycare to see if we qualify for no charge or co-pay (which isn't very much, I guess - fifteen dollars a day for all day). Also filling out last paper for Aid & Attendance, to see if we qualify for a monthly stipend for caregivers & possibly a veteran's pension. I'm not sure about that, but it can't hurt to try.
I'll be back when something breaks (just so it isn't me!).
Mim, you said, "I just want someone to see to his personal hygiene at this point & it is definitely NOT going to go over well."
That negativism reminds me of the time when a kid came to our door collecting coat hangers. When I opened the door she shook her head side to side and said, "Mister, you don't have any old coat hangers, do you?
Better you should have said "I just want someone to see to his personal hygiene at this point AND FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION". And then do whatever is necessary to make that stick. Was it Norman Vincent Peale who used to preach "the power of positive thinking"?
Yeah, Gourdchipper has a point. I truly understand your trepidation about Dan's reaction to the nurse but at some point you have to stop thinking of everything that could go wrong. Keep in mind that he will pick up on your self-doubt and use it. So even if you are not confident, act that way. You may even fool yourself for a few minutes! (BTW, I hope you will make sure that at the time the nurse comes, his person hygiene will be very bad! Ha! Ha!)
Putting on my RN's cap and coming in from the professional side of the house, I will make an educated guess that he will be more cooperative with the staff than with you, Mim. I'll also bet you dollars to donuts that they are totally familiar with difficult and resistive dementia clients, and will probably know how to deal with him so that he goes along with things. It is, unfortunately, an extremely common scenario.
Yesterday I let the park office know I will not be moving sites. I was going to move over one when the lady moves out tomorrow. It has a bigger shade tree and the solid fence for the dog pen is on one side. Decided too much hassle and once she took the skirting off the site is more unlevel than the one we are on. One stress gone!!
The sun has disappeared again - will for a few days. How depressing that is!!
Sounds like a good plan just to stay on the site you are already on. There's no place like home. : D
We are freezing here--single digits at night, and no warmer than the twenties during the day. (Fahrenheit, of course. Sorry to all Canadians--I can do Celsius if I have to, but it never comes naturally.) Bandit and I are valiantly going out every couple of hours during the day so he can do his business, but we both sure enjoy sitting by the fireplace in the evening. There is a Canadian company called Chilly Dog that makes good quality dog coats--I am going to look into getting him one. I have already ordered Musher's Secret for his paws--should arrive in a couple days. He may look like a small, black powderpuff, but he is a real dog, and will have to go outdoors for walks in the park just like I do.
On Agingcare.com recently there were some suggestions if you need to move someone from one nursing home to another. One writer in particular had some good suggestions--like make sure you get all their meds from the old nursing home, so you don't have to pay for all new meds. Also make sure they don't have any clothes in the nursing home laundry that will be left behind when they move. I wouldn't have thought of things like that, especially during a stressful time like having to make a move.
No Elizabeth. All of us dog owners realize they have to go out (unless they are trained to go on pee pads). When we had the snow and ice Jas had to go out. She didn't mind the snow but hated it when the top froze. She was so funny when walking in the snow. We would be 'be boppin'" along then she would suddenly stop. She had snow between her pads which bothered her. I would pick her up, clean it out (usually just one spot), then she would start again. We had freezing rain which left a crust of ice that was like spikes. She won't poop unless I walk her, so I carried her to a place where it was not so bad and carried her back. I figure if it would hurt my feet to walk on it (besides the cold), then it would hurt hers. We walk the road behind us (no traffic) and she likes to walk the curb. Last night she stepped into sniff the grass then suddenly stopped. She had a twig stuck to her! She does this - won't walk any further if a twig or leaf sticks to her fur!! she is so funny!
Truckers can be so dumb! Behinds us they built a freezer storage that opened last year. Ever since we have truckers that take the wrong turn and come down the road behind us. Some say they were told to take the first road after the RV park others their GPS told them to turn. GPS causes a problem because the road behind us is the same name as the road that goes towards the storage - it just is not continuous. It technically deadends. If they get as far as behind us I often go tell them the road goes through, that they can get around the signs blocking the road. Other times it is fun to watch them back up - about a block then it does a 90 degree turn and another block to the main road. Oh it is basically a one lane road with vehicles parked on one side. Last week the city finally added a 'no outlet' sign above the road name. Didn't help - had a truck come through last night about 11pm. I sat here watching him oh so slowly going down a dark road not knowing if it goes through then when they get to the road block signs wondering if they can get through - laughing as he creeps along in the dark!!
Bandit doesn't mind going out, but doesn't stay out too long in the cold. When temps were in the single digits last night and this morning, I could tell that the snow hurt his paws. He was in and out quick, and fussing so that I had to pick him up and warm his paws in my hands. I did get the Musher's Secret, and rubbed that into his paws. It is a nice product--great for my cuticles, too. As soon as it got up into the double digits--18 degrees or so--he was fine. Ran at full speed to his favorite potty spots, and surged through the deep (to him) snow like a little submarine to make sure he was choosing the best new clean areas. In the house, he is learning "down" which is a handy command. I keep him out of his carrier (his "crate" so to speak) as much as I can, but sometimes I have to put him in there just to try to get something done.
I had to laugh about your truckers, Charlotte. I bet that is a hoot watching them.
Minus 15 F at 7:00 this morning. Same expected tonight. Straight out of the North Pole. Breaking records here but everything is relative. This would not be a big deal in Winnipeg. I am cozy in my house. Piled so many covers on the bed last night that I woke up sweaty. Went to see my husband at the LTC facility and am so glad he is there. I do not have to worry about keeping him warm. Keep warm, everyone.
Hahahahahahahahaha. That is great. Turn your toilet into a nightlight. I wonder what color would look best in my bathroom? I like the purple, but it would clash. Hey, if it was too much for the spouses, for company, or for ourselves...just use the dimmer switch. : D
When I saw the commercial I thought of how we talk of putting dark toilet seats on to help our spouse tell the difference. Wonder if they would freak out with a lighted toilet bowl?
Can you see having this, you are having a party, guest are drinking, they go into the bathroom and the toilet lights up? :-)
Last night I did my leg and low back exercises, then sat down to play more games before going to bed. When I got up my left leg and arm was numb. This not something new but it was never so bad in the past and I had no pain. Went to bed, woke up at 5:30 and still the same. This sent me into a panic. I took the dog out, took 2 aspirin and went back to bed. I had a panic/anxiety attack which took me about a half hour to calm down enough to go back to sleep. The dog woke me up at 8:45 and my leg and arm was better - starting to hurt like the last couple years. Normally I can go lay down on the heating pad on my lower back and things get better. I pretty much ruled out stroke or heart attack but went to the doctor to confirm (totally unlike me to run to the doctor) which she did. She figured it was my lower back since it is in bad shape.
Left the doctor and went to the chiropractor. Since it happened after the twisting of my hips I figured it was related. Turned out my hips were really out - right on a couple inches higher than the left. Took a while for him to get them to move but eventually did. They were so out that it was responsible for the numbness. My leg and arm still feel a little off but much, much better than this morning. Doctor thinks my outer leg pain is due to a hip ligament, not sure about the upper arm pain except it is not muscle pain. I go to PT on Friday to see what they can do.
I am not sure what put my hips out so bad. Could have been that long drive to Vancouver 1 1/2 weeks ago, or could have been the funky way I sit to give the dog room in the chair. Whatever, feels good to be straighten out now. It also made me realize it was the right decision to not help with my sister.
Charlotte, after developing a lot of weird pains in my thighs around ten years ago...and getting some follow-up from the physical therapist the doctor sent me to...it turns out that I just needed to get a little more exercise that involved stretching and strength. It doesn't take much, but I've found since then that regular walking is not quite enough, although it's a huge help. I do different things as the mood strikes me--used to do a lot of light weights...now just find it's more convenient to do some bodyweight exercises (easier versions of squats, push-ups, etc.) and some simple versions of yoga stretches. I don't even think about it much...just try to get a couple sets in every day automatically the way I brush my teeth or comb my hair--because I know I'm going to hurt if I don't. One of my hips is higher than the other, according to the PT. Who knew? But I guess something like that can throw everything a little bit off.
I'm wondering if you could find a way to sit with the dog that keeps your body in better alignment. But I agree, that long drive probably didn't help. I found a couple of times driving from NY to the Heartland over the years that I would develop a really uncomfortable back pain. (And I don't usually get back pain.) I don't think long drives are good for the back. Holy Ibuprofen, Batman.
Saw the PT for evaluation today. My shoulder pain is from the rotator cuff. It has been going on for years, so will take a while to hopefully heal it - exercises and ice. My leg it is the hip ligament that is causing it. Stretching exercises and heat to lower back. He figures since chiropractic solved it - looking at the xrays L3/L4 and L4/L5 are basically shot. Evidently when my hips were out it cause the disc (what is left) to push out against the nerve. Kind of scary. So, exercises to do and hopefully I will avoid rotator cuff problem that need surgery like many here have had.
February has always been a full month: Valentine's, wedding anniversary, mother's birthday, my birthday, and the month that Eric died 5 years ago. This Feb.my 12th book came out. My youngest son is visiting me from Nelson, B.C. And we have a leap year, too.
Good for you concerning the book, Mary. I see we can get it on Amazon Prime on March 16. ("Taking a Chance on Love"--set in British Columbia during WW II.) I re-read my review for "Snow Apples", and the other reviews. I cannot believe that one moronic reviewer who gave it three stars and wrote such a dumb review. Readers should believe mine and the other two five-star reviews. I didn't realize somehow that you were that prolific, Mary. I am even more impressed than I was before! : D
Thanks, Elizabeth. I hadn't read the Amazon reviews before. You must be D. Yours is a perceptive review: no one else has picked up in the same way the struggle the daughter had between the mother and boy. (By the way, one of my books is written under a different name.)