I don't go visit hubby as much as I would like because everytime I go I just get so sad and it brings me down for the rest of the day. Then the next day I have to fight to get myself back to an even space. What then happens because I don't visit him often is I now feel so guilty for not visiting him regularly.... He doesn't know who I am and doesn't remember when I visit him. I just don't know what to do with being torn this way even though I'm well aware of taking care of the caregiver it still sucks.
Since you just posted about your guy in your life now, I will pose some questions:
do you think part of the feelings are due to having someone new in your life and enjoying life again while your husband is trapped in his AD world? (your heart has to be torn between the two lives)
Maybe some resentment (without being aware of it) that you are in this limbo between the old life and present? You want to move on but can't really?
I think of Barry Petersen who dealt with his wife's decline along with his new woman friend - she went with him. Have you thought of asking or has your new friend offered to go with you when you visit? Make him part of this 'journey' since he is in the midst of it. If not him, is there someone else that will go with you so you don't have that lone, empty drive home, someone you can maybe go out with afterwards for a walk, window shopping, a bit to eat?
Personally for me, I think I would have the resentment from being torn between the two worlds. I already resent being stuck in this AD world. I know when I am out talking to people or do something fun with the lady that use to live across from us, I resent coming back home. And for me it takes a couple days to get out of the resentment. I think that is why I often refuse her because it is too hard to come back to my reality.
Aw Charlotte I can always depend on you to be real and say it like it really is.
I don't feel resentment more like damn it! For hubby haven gotten this disease and what he is going through. He deserve better and so do I. Like you when does this end for us.
And I'm pissed at the friends and relatives that were never there when I was looking after him but now that I'm with a well partner want to do stuff with us. Well scr** you!
New partner would never stop me from visiting him and actually came with me to celebrate his birthday and I took him to his favourite restaurant to help with his care. I quess I'm trying to protect him from what this disease is like.
I havent been any sadder visiting my husband than I was Sad when I had him at home. I am so thankful he is accepting it. I am so thankful I dont have to do all I was doing for him. I am so happy to just be his wife. I care for him deeply, and im very concerned about his care. I am trying to get on with my life, but still have one foot in the AD world. I try to go when somwthing is going on, a singing, or bingo for instance. We really cant visit much with each other because of my husbands condition, so this really improves visits. Or we may watch a tv show. But I do enjoy visits. If its your choice to have a new (friend) thats you. I couldnt do that.