My niece-in-law sent out a group message on Facebook to family regarding my oldest sister - her mother-in-law. She said they were considering moving D in with them, give her own bedroom and hope she will accept it. I asked her: she built an apartment for you guys and you couldn't live with her then, why would this be any different. Her reply was; this is my house. I asked her since the purpose was to have someone with her during the day who would be there when NIL works. R said she doesn't work anymore (she is a cosmetologist and I know she still does it some), she watches her little grandkids during the day (grandkids by children from previous marriages). I told her that would not be good for the kids, they don't even know my sister. And since they don't know her, have not been around her, for a young child to be around someone with dementia especially if they are prone to anger, could be very traumatic to them.
My nephew is a surgical nurse and would do nursing duties. I can't believe that since he hasn't even been willing to go see his mom weekly like he promised the doctor two years ago. Lucky if he makes it over there once every three months. I warned them a while ago to start planning but they have waited until now.
She doesn't qualify for Medicaid due to too many financial resources, mainly the house and property she lives in (which I think would be exempt for inhome care) and a small piece of property adjacent to the main one. She said it would cost $26 an hour times 8 hours a day for in-home care.
This is what I told her: I have been trying to remember things that spouses in my online group have gone through. Depending on how the trust is set up, all the property could be protected from counting as resources to qualify for Medicaid. I heard you had a meeting with the attorney before he retired, so that should have been covered. If it is not, then I would have that front piece appraised and sell it - ask Charlie first if he is still interested in it. that would give you funds to pay for in home care for awhile. She lives in the house and as long as she does, from what I have been told by Medicaid it would be exempt from counting as resources. That is where a medicaid attorney would be able to tell you it all for sure. Oregon is different than Washington so he/she would have to be either from Washington or know the law in this state. I know when dad was in the nursing home (in Oregon), Medicaid paid and the put a lien on the house. While you wait for the property to sell, you might be able to afford someone to go in a couple hours a day 3 times a week. Check with Kaiser to see if they would pay for someone to check her meds, bathing, etc. for the couple hours.
Also, to get her on the list for a nursing home/memory unit takes a $3400 deposit. I found out she has gotten all this education about dementia from caring.com and aplaceformom.com.
She asked me about my sister's income cause they didn't know. My niece does but evidently isn't communicating any better with her brother than with her mom's siblings. She is the one that promised to let me know what the doctor said after their meeting with him 2 years ago and has yet to tell me or any of us anything, even my brother who lives there. Last week when she asked me about the finances I mentioned I had told Deidre I would move back but Deidre never asked. R's response was: she was that bad then. I guess she is to where she doesn't want to take showers. I explained to her that often they get to a stage where they are afraid of water. Sometimes a handheld shower will work cause they can keep it off their head/face.
In the chat she told me I could move back if I don't like what they are doing. Kind of late now.
Hmmmmm. Sounds like a potential train wreck waiting to happen. From what you've outlined, Charlotte, it sounds like you've done the best you could to steer them in the right direction. I hope they listen to you. If not...oh well...the chips may fall. You've already got your hands full at home, Charlotte...I don't think you could do any more than you're already doing.
It is so hard isn't it Charlotte. I spent years and years trying to help and support others who had different agendas. I found it challenging when to let go especially when it involved family. I only really learned about being able to do so when my own health got so severely threatened. Now I do what I can, then surrender to what destiny has in mind. Actually I just got too pooped out to be able to do it anymore.
I really appreciate it is hard to stand by and watch/hear what you have to endure concerning your sister.
I agree with elizabeth. It sounds like you have done all you can do. You might not be ready to hear that and I truly understand. We all have to go at this at our own pace and focus.
Sending you and your family lots of support trying to navigate yet another big challenge. Hope things work out for all of you.
It's your sister, so it's difficult when you try so hard to help her, but her family is just not co-operating. Hopefully something can be worked out to help her.
Phranque has posted pictures in Facebook of the cruise he went on. He definitely knows how to have fun. Plus, there is a short video of him dancing the new year in!
We are back in the 20s vs the low teens. The inch of snow we had yesterday is fluffy and dry so very easy to shovel. Jas is so funny when I take her out to pee - she runs across the grass to under the pine tree, pees then run back to the door. When I take her out to walk (she only poops on walks) she will be fine then suddenly start limping and stop! The snow gets between her pads I guess cause I clean them out and she is fine. She is the same if she gets a twig stuck in her fur - she will stop until I remove it doesn't matter where it is at!
Thursday we went to Costco for the "horderves" and lunch. I also bought a chicken for dinner. Hb was pushing the cart with the chicken in it (I know a big cart for chicken? Keeps him busy plus a place to leave it while eating). As we were leaving, waiting in line for the checkout at the door, I turned around and saw him leaving the cart. I asked him what he was doing and he asked 'is that ours?" First time that has happened.
Was talking to a woman in the park this morning when walking the dog. She wondered if the depressing cloudy days we have had for over a week might be affecting him. It is possible - I know it is depressing. This part of the state is suppose to have more sun than clouds but we are stuck in this air inversion - again - soonest it may clear is Tuesday. :-(
Costco was my husband's favorite store. He knew almost everyone who worked there and they knew him. He prided himself on being able to navigate through the place and find the best checkout lane. Last month I was in there and was blindsided by tears when I saw the far right checkout lane (his favorite) open up and I automatically pounced on it, as he would have done. Carrying on the family tradition, I guess! Was it the rotisserie chicken you bought? At $4.99, that is the best deal you can get around here - the grocery stores sell much smaller ones for several dollars more.
Yes, their rotisserie. Can't buy a raw chicken and cook it for that price. I agree - the ones the grocery stores have a puny! Costco said like with the hot dog deal, they will not raise the price of the chicken because it brings people in.
Just a little comment...I actually received a compliment from Dan the other day. We were leaving a restaurant after having a quick bite to eat...I had purchased a new pair of athletic shoes for myself, a navy blue with hot pink stitching in a pattern (you know how they are 'designing' athletic shoes lately - very 'modern'). He actually looked at me & told me those shoes looked really sharp with my jeans! I almost fainted....maybe 5 compliments in almost 50 years. Let's see, that averages out to one compliment every ten years ;)
Oh Elizabeth, thank you! I try, but I sure don't feel like it....too much excessive chubbiness, for one thing! I feel like I'm at home so much, I'm almost forgetting how to put on makeup when I venture out.
Had another issue with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde tonight. Went to visit my husband this afternoon and stayed to help him with supper. The nurse whispered to me that another resident had just died in his bed and the man's family was still with his body so they were steering people away from that room. (The bedrooms are like pods, not in a long hall, so you can see most of the doors from the dayroom.) I left after two hours but a half-hour after I got home I got a call. My husband had gotten aggressive when they tried to give him his meds (meds are always the trigger) so they had called security and might have to have him taken to the ER. I asked them not to call the ambulance and said I'd come back and see if I could calm him down. (The hospital is down the street from the vets home and I would rather go there than to the ER.)
When arrived, my husband was still agitated but he took the meds from me like a lamb. He was babbling away but then he pointed at the deceased man's room and said, clear as day, "Someone got killed in there and they don't want us to go in there." It turns out that although they removed the man's body while the rest of the residents were in the dining room, one of the higher-functioning residents figured out what was going on and told a buddy who was also capable of understanding. My husband must have overheard their conversation, but I am amazed he could make sense of it.
Myrtle, Sorry for all the distress you and your husband are going through. It must have been fear, don't you think? ... they don't understand, and are afraid. It's good you could get back to give your husband the meds. I also found that when I was there it had a calming effect ... almost like a parent to a child. Somehow, you are still his security. Hopefully this will pass by tomorrow. Thinking of you and your DH.
Thanks, marg and mary. Yes, I do believe that he was afraid. In fact, I now think that every time he has acted out, it was because he has felt threatened. In this case, it was understandable but in previous instaces, it was not as clear why he felt threatened. Marg, as my husband deteriorated, I always tried to do everything I could to make sure that he trusted me and it was worth the effort. Just as you were your husband's security, I am my husband's security, too.
Oh, God bless him. What a scary experience for him. Glad you could go back and reassure him, Myrtle. As much as we try to protect and shield them, sometimes life (and death) just happens.
Today we got the cold the Midwest has just had had and it feels even colder due to strong winds. The weather discouraged me from visiting my husband today but I called twice and they said he was his usual sweet self, so I just worked at home. Tonight I realized that I was out of K-cups -- I had meant to go to Costco but procrastinated -- so now I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to make my morning coffee in the Keurig with loose coffee and a gadget that came with my machine.
Normally, I keep the doors of the two upstairs bedrooms closed so my cat doesn't go in there and spread her fur around but tonight I went up and opened the doors so the rising heat would prevent the heating pipes in the bedrooms from freezing. Guess who followed me up and snuck under a bed?
Myrtle, buy a small jar of instant coffee just in case the Keurig, (or whatever kind of coffeemaker anyone may have) breaks down. And a little container of powdered creamer, too. If you find yourself under field conditions, you can still have some coffee. If you have no way to heat water if the power goes out (like you only have an electric stove, not a gas stove that could be lighted with a match) consider getting one of those little Coleman two-burner camp stoves with the little cans of propane, just in case.
It's freeze-a-rama here, too. I sit by the fireplace in the evening and you would need a forklift to make me move. This is the first time I've ever had a gas-burner rather than a wood-burner...so easy.
Wednesday the sun was shinning probably only about the 3rd time since Christmas. The rest of the days have been overcast or raining. Not unusual if one lives on the west side of the Cascade Mountains, but it is for the east side where we live. Shocker - sun appeared again today and it is actually 50 degrees. This winter has been so depressing due in large part to the weather. When the sun comes out life brightens some.
I know for those back east facing the snow and wind you are in your depressing times. I pray you all keep your power on and keep safe inside.
Someone in Facebook got me hooked on a game called Cross Stitch World. It is like paint by numbers except you do it by letters and each square is an X. It is addicting probably cause it is easy to do while listening to TV. Also, each day you are allowed to use one of your own pictures for free to convert. Some have worked out well, others not so well. You can 'buy' cash to buy more to do but I just wait until it builds back up (you get 25 dollars per day plus money for finishing patterns/pictures). Anyway it is something different to do.
Yes, the snow is here! We are about halfway between Baltimore and Philadelphia. I don't know how much we have so far, but I'd guess about 2 feet. Drifts by the backdoor about 3 feet. Had to shovel a path for the dog to go pee. He's a toy poodle and only stands about 8 inches tall.
About 30" of snow in western NJ....wet and heavy. Waiting for the plow guy to dig us out. We have a 500' driveway and if we get more than 6" of snow we're stuck in the house until we get plowed out. Hopefully he'll come during the day and not tonight. Thank god we didn't lose electricity. At one point it was snowing 3" per hour. Beautiful cold sunny day today.
Thanks for the update, LFL. I've been wondering how our members in the Middle Atlantic states fared the storm. I guess one good thing about a having a 500' driveway is that you aren't tempted to shovel it yourself. MaryinPA, I hope you keep an eye on that dog of yours. At 8" tall, it wouldn't take much for a small pile of snow to bury him!
my new wife and I just took a trip to Williamsburg, VA. We were scheduled to fly home to Maine on Friday, Jan. 22, the day the storm was to hit DC. The flight was cancelled, so we took Amtrak - 10 hours overnight to Boston, then a 4 1/2 hour bus trip to Bangor, Maine, and another hour drive home. We went to bed at 7:30 PM and slept until 8:30 AM
Glad you were able to get home safely marsh. I was in eastern KY for my dad's burial. We got 11 inches there. Just got back home this afternoon. It was a 5 hr drive but the interstates were clean and dry the whole way. Here in my city it is a sloppy mess. We got ice and then 6" of snow on top. Schools will be out for another 2-3 days. They just aren't used to the white stuff here. But my little grandsons have had a ball! Now...come on Spring!!!
Spent most of the weekend shoveling snow, my first snow storm by myself (meaning no teenager to shovel with me). All went well despite shoveling the paths more than once.
Leannah's ALF had staff camp out over the weekend so they wouldn't be short staffed. She was worried about them running out of food and not knowing closings where I lived.
I don't know how I would have handled her at home because I had to spend a lot of time outside and she gets cabin fever within 24 hours of it snowing. I am sure she would have been bugging me yesterday to drive her somewhere (it would take a few hours of work to remove the snow to free up the car, and even then it would be dangerous).
Thx Elizabeth. He was 91 and lived alone and very healthy until urosepsis and a fall 3 months ago. We are thankful he went quickly. He was very stoic and did not like depending on anyone else for his care. I got some real good genes from his family! Paul...I shoveled a lot of snow this past weekend too. The Y was closed so it was a good cardio workout for me!
I went to a visiting hour for my niece's mother-in-law and my niece, who lives about 4 hours away, told me she had planned to visit my husband in LTC while she was in town but her mother (my sister-in-law) told her not to bother because my husband wouldn't remember her. I was stunned by this. I told her that even if he did not recognize her, he would recognize that she had come to visit him and it would make him feel special.
Aunt B, at that age a puff of wind can blow them away. It doesn't take much. My 90-year-old step-dad/uncle will be 91 on Feb. 18. He is still living alone in his pleasant house in a senior complex with lots of support from friends and family...but he is not in the best of shape, and a phone call would not surprise me, if you know what I mean. They are such treasures. I know they are going to a better place, but we sure do love them and worry about them, and miss them when they're gone.
Myrtle, sometimes the insensitivity of people makes me want to scream. Ooooh, don't you want to just give them such a slap?
The social worker came out yesterday to do the evaluation on my sister (VaD). The doctor wants 24/7 but the social worker approved 30 hours a month. I told my niece-in-law: 'Doctors often have no idea the reality of life and people's finances. You do the best you can'. I also suggested that my brother that lives with here do like my sister did when caring for our mom: turn off the breaker to the stove when he leaves for work. Positive is she sleeps most of the day and is up most of the night (which often makes it hard for him to sleep.
My niece made the comment when I said I hoped they didn't prep her before the social worker came: "She wouldn't have
allowed that anyway. But she looked fine. She isn't helpless, can do.most things without help, so that's actually good news, but she is losing more of her memory. She just does better with love and support. She doesn't want to fight with anyone. Ya know?"
This is the son and dil who could not visit more than once every three months until just recently.
Oh well, at least something is getting done. They are still looking into what the VA has to offer.
Another sunny day today. So nice to have sunny days back - hope they last. We have more than had our allotted number of cloudy days for the year!
For those watching the Southwest Florida Eagle Cam, one of the eggs hatched yesterday. (Just trying to throw some good news into the mix.)
Thirty hours a month? Oh, be still my heart. Really, the lavish care our "system" provides is just too generous. (Alert, alert--Elizabeth is being cynical and sarcastic.)
Yes, been watching the new eagle. He/she is so cute. The other egg has pip so it should be today or tomorrow he/she appears. There was a lot of questions whether M15 being so young would shoot 'blanks' but we now know he didn't. He is doing a good job at first time fatherhood.
We have 2 eaglets, the 2nd one born night before, and they are adorable.
Yesterday morning I was woke up at 8:50 from a call with DSHS. It was regarding the application for hb to get Medicaid to supplement his Medicare. She said she needed another bank statement because his resources was over $2000. Printed out and went to place where I was told to go but it was not the right place. So went to the right place - waited an hour for her to take the statements then disappeared. 45 minutes later she shows up again to say he doesn't qualify because his SS is too much. This is Medicaid through the state, not Affordable Care Act so qualifying is harder. Also found out there is a travel trailer and car that we long got rid of that shows up on the DMV report as us still owning. Had to go to DMV to get them off record. The TT we traded for a bigger TT back around 1996. The car we either sent to the junk yard or traded for another car back in the late 90s but can't remember which it was. I was able to go online to do it. The woman at DMV told me if I couldn't remember do the best I could because they are not going to go searching to see if right. Both were licensed in Washington but then in Oregon.
Today is sunny and windy. The lady next to us is moving and I asked to switch spots. But, still not sure I will with all that needs to be done just to move. It is the little things really but major when dealing with hb wanting to help. I have until the 12th to decide. The only reason to move is it is at the beginning of the row next to the dog pin. Last time it was available I didn't want to move fearing it would be noisy - which it is not. It is a solid fence so can't see the dogs.
The middle class is really in a black hole in this country. It's the same old story--too much money to qualify for anything, but not enough money to comfortably pay for private pay stuff. At least we can enjoy the stories from our Canadian friends who seem to have it much better up there in terms of what they can get as the Alzheimers patients deteriorate. Down here it is such a morass, and of course, it's not about care, it's about money. I hate our health care system--and I've worked in it since I was 19 years old. (End of rant.)
Anyway, so Charlotte, you have two things to decide? Whether to move within the park to the other spot, or whether to move to your sister's? Keep us updated. You have a lot on your plate.