I think I have worried more since I placed my husband than when he was at home with me. Im worried a..bout is it the "right Place" for him. Im worried about "how are they treating him? Im going there checking up on them, and seeing how hes doing! Im worried about my finances, will I have enough to manage. Im losing things all the time, I need someone to take care of ME. I wrecked my car today, am i becoming incompetent. I certainly feel like I might. I ve thought I was pretty capablefor most of my life, thought I could do about anything, I was a RN, but this Alzheimer thing has kicked my but. Maybe I should just check into the nearest mental facility.
Kentucky, as a former RN, you know better than most that Alzheimers is the worst of the worst. It's the only neurological disorder where the family is crazier than the patient. (Facetious, smart aleck comment...but sort of true.) Take a long, deep breath, try to relax and rest tonight, and just kind of blow everything off until tomorrow morning when you've had some sleep. Your husband is in a safe place for now...you can take your time in researching other places and getting to know the big picture. I hope you are OK after the car accident...and oh well, that is what car insurance is for. (I backed into one of the aide's cars--just too busy, tired, and worried...I know you can relate.) Anyway, the folks on this website can help with financial advice...we're probably all somewhat poorer than before Alzheimers, but there are strategies and recommendations to be made. And you have already checked into the nearest mental facility--it's called Joan's Alzheimer Spouse Website! : D
Please don't worry about your being incompetent. Anyone can see from the many comments you have contributed to this site that you are well organized and competent. Certainly a lot more so than myself.
I enjoy reading your comments. You are right with it all the time. Keep your chin up..........You're OK.
Ky, all is well and he is safe. Try to start focusing on you now. I went thru exactly what you are experiencing --ton of worry and anxiety. None of it will help him. You made the best decision you could for now. Watching our loved ones die inch by inch each day is truly agonizing. Try not to look at the big picture but stay focused on today. You found a place for him and that is something to,be grateful for. At the end of my husbands life no nursing home would accept him. That was probably the worst time of my life. But the Good Lord found A wonderful place with a private room where he passed. We all understand.
Ky, you said it exactly right. Can be speaking for me. Last evening crying in bed I had such a vivid thought, "I need someone to care for me." Also an RN and I really get what you are saying. I think what we are experiencing is all part of the horrid journey. Hard for sure.
I felt exactly as you do when I placed my husband. TIME. TIME. TIME. It takes time for you to adjust, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to allow yourself that time. Your emotions and brain are on overload (car accident, losing things, feeling incompetent). For the first SEVEN MONTHS that Sid was in the nursing home, all I did when I wasn't visiting him, grocery shopping, or doing mundane house chores, was lie in bed and play mindless computer games. It was all I could manage, and I didn't care if anyone felt I should be doing more. Slowly, on my own time, I got up and started to participate in life in very small ways - going to a few shows or out to dinner with friends.
I watched my mother and my favorite aunt die slow deaths from cancer, but honestly, nothing in my life can compare to the horror of Alzheimer's Disease. So give yourself a break, take it slow, and don't do anything you don't feel like doing.
Ky my DH has been in LTC for over two years now but, even though it has a great reputation, I still worry and check on how they are caring for him. I still sit and cry and as katherinecs said I would like to have someone to care for me. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of eating alone. I'm just plain sick of this terrible disease. DH said today that he is just sitting there waiting to die. I told him that is exactly what I am doing as well. Our live came to a sudden halt when he was diagnosed. I believe that it will never be good again.
Jazzy, I am so sorry for you both! So sorry your DH is aware enough to have these thoughts. My DH is past that stage. He doesnt realize where he is or whats going on. I am so thankful for that. He is very cheerful to everyone if spoken to, and sits quietly other times. This transition for him has been phenomenal! For me, not so good. While Im glad not to have all the hard caregiving tasks, and pulling on him all the time, I miss him so. I am so emotional, still! Im not a crier, but lately thats all I do. Feel sorry for myself. I have sooooo many things to be thankful for. Im just having a harder time than I thought accepting this. I thought Id accepted "this" years ago. Alzheimers is relentless! You cant make peace with it. You think you have and it smacks you with another wave of heartache. Thank You all for kind thoughts, maybe I wont check into the mental facility yet!! God Bless!