Thanks to everyone for the kind words and the support--much needed and much appreciated.
Yes, Mim-- I don't understand the negativity about this area. People drive around with bumper stickers that say "Stuck in Ohio" and things like that. One of the plumbers that put a faucet on for me was from Peekskill, NY, and he and I were chatting about the two states. We both agreed it was nice here, and then he said, "But there's nothing to do, and the food's no good." And we exchanged a glance of perfect understanding, and both burst into laughter. But here's the thing: If you have a source of income, it is a pleasant place to live, and it is an extremely low cost of living area, too. I think it is people who lack an income who become negative about the area. Personally, if it weren't for the way my family situation has turned out, I might possibly stay. I think it just takes a while to learn how to eat in the Midwest...what is OK and what to avoid...and also, I think you have to adjust to the different activities that are available. I don't care about cards, bingo, casinos, or bowling, but there is a lot of fabulous hiking and canoeing available around Ohio, West Virginia, and western Pennsylvania--there is some fascinating history around here, too, going back to the days of the Native Americans and then the French and Indian War, the American Revolution, the War of 1812, and the War Between the States. And the natural history is interesting--birds, animals, wildflowers, etc. The state parks are very good around here, as of course are the metro parks...and then there are the Great Lakes. So a lot to recommend this area, as you know.
We will definitely get together again Mim...I will look forward to that. I wanted to ask you, though, if you will be trying the VA-billed day program for Dan? And where is it around here? Do keep us updated if you get a chance. He does seem to be going through some changes. One symptom of a urinary tract infection is incontinence in a person who isn't usually incontinent, btw. Just a thought.
Oh, sorry, Mim--didn't see your other post under "Constant Eating." Thanks for the day program update.
Re Ohio: (You know this, but for the interest of the others.) Eight presidents were born in Ohio, and 24 astronauts, including Neil Armstrong from Wapakoneta, OH--the first man to step onto the Moon. Also Orville Wright--who with his brother Wilbur invented the airplane.
elizabeth, I'm glad you have an exit plan and a PR release to go with it. Most of us have given too much of our mental, emotional, and physical energy and it is not right that we be called upon to give more. I am coming to believe that we must carefully consider what we are to do with the time we have left to us. BTW, what is so odd about the food in Ohio?
Wolf, My cat also rolls around on the bed to get me to pet her. She has come out of her shell a lot. The problem now is that she has grown an extra coat of fur for the winter (even though she is always indoors) and will not let me brush her. I may have to take her to a groomer. My bedtime reading is nowhere near as serious as yours. I'm reading the latest Louise Penny "Inspector Gamache" mystery, which will have to serve as my Quebec fix for the foreseeable future. Two of my sisters are going to Montreal on Christmas Day afternoon to enjoy the Boxing Day sales and festivities. I decided not to go with them since it's a five-hour drive and I'm not comfortable with being so far away from my husband for four nights.
I hope all you Canadians had a nice Thanksgiving last month and that those in the States have a good one this week.
Myrtle, you can buy a soft, rubber type, cat brush that works really well and cats (usually!) seem to like being brushed with it and it does work. I think that it is called "zoom groom"
Myrtle, you mentioned Louise Penny's latest 'Nature of the Beast'. I wanted to tell you that I went to see her at a writer's conference here in Vancouver, BC at the end of August. She came a few days ahead of the start of the conference to do this special evening and all the proceeds from the sale of her latest book went to a local club (my DH attended) for early-onset Alzheimer's people. I did not know that her husband, a doctor, was diagnosed a couple of years ago and she indicated that it does get harder and harder for her to leave him in Quebec to do these sorts of things. She didn't specify but I assume she has good care. Anyway, she was a wonderful speaker - I guess her background as a former radio personality would help - and I did think it was very gracious of her to do the evening. She did raise a lot of much-needed funding for the AD cause here locally.
Happy Thanksgiving this week to all of you south of the border!
Myrtle, you really made a good point about Alzheimer's caregivers (widows/widowers) having to think carefully about how we will use the years that are left to us. I think that after the paralysis of grief lessens somewhat--at least to the point where it is possible to have energy for other things--that so much of what makes us our unique selves has been sucked up by Alzheimers, that it is important to live the rest of our lives extra-well. It will be different for everybody, of course, but whatever is meaningful for us...brings us joy and fulfillment...I think we survivors should be pursuing it big-time. It could be anything from happy, restful days at home with pets and/or crafts and hobbies, to hiking the Great Wall of China.
I'm not sure how that works for the folks who still have their loved ones in facilities. I know they still have a million things to do, and just from reading the posts, I know that just the driving to get there and the hours spent visiting can be brutally time-consuming. (But that's why we're all here--to try to be supportive, offer wise counsel, virtual hugs, etc.)
Midwestern food: Well, the plumber and I were being a little facetious, but I do think that in large, cosmopolitan areas like greater New York or greater Montreal that you do have access to the best of everything, and that includes restaurants of all kinds. In the Midwest, (let's say Ohio west through the Dakotas and Nebraska--although Ohio is not always defined as being in the Midwest), people probably eat at home more than they eat out. Food tends to be simple and hearty, with relatively mild spices, and often features locally grown food eaten in season. If you google "Midwestern food" you will find all kinds of information, and yes, some of it pokes gentle fun at fried cheese curds, toasted ravioli, or a wedding table fountain filled with ranch dressing instead of champagne. And then there is Cincinnati-style chili, where they make chili and serve it on top of spaghetti. But seriously, there are a lot of simple, delicious ethnic foods, depending on who settled the area you live in. Just remember, as someone put on their T-shirt, that "It's called pop--not soda." And that "Boston Coolers" are served in Cleveland and Detroit, not Boston. (Essentially, a root beer float.) Mim could probably chime in here, and I believe there are other Midwesterners on this site.
When I spoke of “the time we have left to us,” I meant whatever time we might have after our spouses die. I was not thinking of people whose spouses are in facilities, which is the stage I am at. I can only speak for myself, but much of what makes me unique is still being sucked up by Alzheimer's, as you aptly describe it. That I am still consumed by my husband’s illness has little to do with the actual time it takes to drive to the facility or to visit him. It has to do with the fact that my life revolves around him. The difference between my life when he was at home and my life now is that then I was exhausted all the time and was trapped in the house, so I was rarely able to do anything but what was necessary. Now I am more rested and have more physical freedom, so I can do some things by choice. (For example, get a cat.) But my husband is still the center of my world and consumes almost all my emotional energy. So my life is still not my own.
Right, Myrtle. I was just trying not to hijack the thread and address only the widows/widowers situation, which I suppose really belongs "upstairs." I guess I was wondering (not that it hasn't been discussed before) if folks with their spouses in facilities can have enough time and energy left over to continue to build their own good lives. I think you answered that question succinctly and clearly.
Today the house is still upside-down with the painters still here. But boy, do I have a great-looking garage interior!
elizabeth, What I am experiencing may not be true for everyone in this situation. I think some members of this site have gone on to establish romantic relationships with others while their spouse is still living, so I guess they have been able to move into the post-Alzheimer's world. As far as food goes, one thing I've noticed about places that have had a dramatic population increase (like the Southeast and Southwest) is that they seem to have a larger proportion of chain restaurants. We have a lot of chain restaurants in the Northeast, too, but there are still many independent restaurants, too.
nb girl, When I read your note, at first I thought that was so odd that an author who I like also has a spouse with dementia but now that I think of it, I realize that a lot more people seem to have been drafted into this army.
cassie, Thanks, I think I may have one of those rubber brushes and will look for it now. I put it away because it did not make a dent on my other cats' fur but they had rougher coats than Miss Muffet does.
Elizabeth, as to midwest food...having grown up here, I never thought about it being odd to someone else. We do lack certain things, like fresh seafood (our area is in the corridor for thyroid cancer, which I have had, mostly due to lack of iodine). There is a lot of ethnic type foods - Italian, Polish, Hungarian, etc. The people immigrated from those European countries to this area because of work. The steel mills were the backbone of this area, along with Pittsburgh, & some areas in Indiana. They settled pretty much in their own communities, never seeming to go outside of those communities, except for work in the mills. My husband is only the second generation here from Poland, both sets of grandparents having come here in the late 1800's. It's only been in the last 20-30 years that their special types of foods have gained popularity (in my view anyway). I had English, Welsh & German ancestry, & we just ate what we called "American" food (I don't think the English & Welsh had a lot to brag about in their food - kind of bland).
This sure isn't big town, but it has it's good points. There is a lot of beauty in Ohio (the "Rolling Hills of Ohio"), & as you said a lot of history. Did you know that where we live is called "The Connecticut Western Reserve", land having been granted to those from CT who wanted to resettle in the "west"? This WAS the western frontier at that time...hard to imagine. I can't remember why they wanted to come here from CT, there's more to the story, but I'm sure there's more information on Google. That's how much of my mother's side of the family came to be here...traveling by horse & wagon, literally having to cut their way through the forests.
Forgot to say - I've NEVER eaten fried cheese curds, never had fried ravioli & never even heard about the ranch dressing at a wedding. I will say, however, that the humongous cookie tables at weddings are very much a tradition here. I'm talking thousands of cookies! There again, a very ethnic tradition.
People who fought in the American Revolution were awarded lands in the Western Reserve because of their service during the war. That is how one branch of my family ended up in Cleveland--there are still a few of them up there running greenhouses, which are all that's left from the original farm. The family was the Foote's...they came from the Hartford and Wethersfield, CT areas. Nathaniel Foote came over in 1633 to Massachusetts... described himself as a "yeoman." Family stories say that he didn't like the bossy preachers in Mass., so went down to CT, which was fairly rugged and isolated at that time...to avoid the theocracy in Massachusetts.
I don't think I ever said that Midwestern food was odd. I am actually cooking differently with Larry gone...not nearly so much Italian food. We love pierogis and kielbasa--I like to make kielbasa and cabbage, then serve it either with pierogis or mashed potatoes. I've learned to make those cabbage/onion/beef hand sandwiches, too...the ones where you flatten out two large biscuits and make a turnover with the meat mixture inside. They're called bierocks or runzas, I've found out online. They're supposed to be German. One thing I liked about Ireland was the food...meat, fish, potatoes, lots of vegetables...probably bland, as you said, Mim. But for those of us like you and me...with the British Isles and Ireland in our background...that kind of food is good. Larry used to say that he never ate so many potatoes in his life as when he married me. And I said I never ate so few! I used to joke that after he was gone I would never eat pasta or tomato sauce again! (Sorry to anyone who is Italian...I do like it...just got tired of it all the time.) Well, this posting about food is making me hungry...I had better go to bed before I eat something! Ha-ha.
Oh, goodness.Cookies. Mim, I'm going to gain weight just thinking about all the good things we are talking about. I think they do the cookie tables in NY, too. Is that the same thing as the Venetian table, that is just covered with all kinds of delicious desserts?
Oh, nooooooo. I just know I am going to get a snack. : (
I've been following the SW Florida Eagle Cam ever since ol Don posted about the site. Those who have followed it will know that last year was full of tragedies, challenges and triumphs for Ozzie and Harriet and eaglets. Ozzie died, Harriet got a new suitor, they've refurbished the nest, and it looks as if Harriet is ready to lay eggs. One of the observers of the site wrote a line yesterday that resonates with me: From sorrow to renewal.
I am getting ready to move out of our home in 5 more days. Then traveling back and forth to Canada to help out with my Mom in the early stages of dementia. I hope my renters work out , and I have given them a small discount to take care of my precious cats. What a sad time, despite being so very grateful for all that I have, I am also grieving moving out of the home that Dado and I so lovingly upgraded and worked so hard on. But on it goes. A very Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I will still be able to access the computer now and then when I am here in Hawaii. Living off grid..but I can park next door at the neighbors and pick up Wi Fi.
Mary, if you are on Facebook are you also subscribed to Dee Kelly Photography? She has amazing pictures of them. She goes to the nest almost every morning for a couple hours tracking all that is going on with Harriett and Mr. M15 (wish they would give him a better name than M15 so I added the Mr). We are all waiting for the first egg. I guess that will officially make them a committed couple. M15 is a young eagle and Harriett has been teaching him how to build the nest, hunt, protect the nest, and he brought her 2 fish the other day - something he will need to do once she lays the eggs.
We had our first snowfall last night. Only about an inch but I think more than all last winter. Jasmine was real quick to go to her duties. Normally she has to go for a walk to poop but not this morning. She did not want to go walking in the snow which had a layer of ice under it. Last night it was freezing rain we had to go out in before bed. Unlike the previous couple winters, the snow is staying around today so we can enjoy the white over the desert brown.
Coco - what a change going from Hawaii to BC where it is cold now. We are getting ready for an Artic blast to come hit us and I assume it will hit BC too.
Good to see you Coco and to hear of your plans. I was taken aback to read of your Mothers' early dementia, oh dear! Glad that you will be able to spend some time with her and I hope that there is some joy for you amidst all that is ahead, with your house move and travels.. cassie x x
Charlotte,I like your name, Mr. M15. It 's better than M15. I've seen Dee Kelly's photos, and they are wonderful. I've learned a lot from the eagles, not just about them. Cocoa, don't forget that if you're over in the Kerrisdale area visiting your brother, give me a phone call. The Kerrisdale Community Centre is nearby, and you could be my guest for lunch. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It's not been easy for any of you the last few years.
Mim, I was the one who used the word "odd." I knew it was not correct but I couldn't think of another one. It sounds OK to me. (The tales about wedding table fountains with ranch dressing sound like regional jokes.) I would miss having fresh seafood but to tell you the truth, now that I'm just cooking for myself and not going out to dinner, I rarely have it much anymore.
The word "odd" didn't bother me at all...I'm not easily bothered by things like that. I suppose being transplanted, like we were when we moved to California after our wedding, does seem odd - at least different. California, to us, was like living in another world...things were so different (even almost 50 years ago!), I had no family there at all. My husband's brothers were there, so at least there was somebody familiar (not that it worked out all that well!!) The food was different, some I learned to like (artichokes) & some I never did (avocados). I liked southwestern food, but now the spicy stuff doesn't work for me anymore. I missed the green of home, though...not much green where we lived (about 30 miles northeast of San Francisco).
I'm rambling, sorry. Trying to relax after spending time in the kitchen today for our smallish Thanksgiving. Even smallish, it takes a lot of prep!
Great to hear I am not alone in not liking avocado.
Been numerous flocks of geese flying over heading SE today. That indicates cold, cold weather coming. But the moon was gorgeous tonight. It was just coming over the horizon when we were out walking.