Hard as it may be to be believe, it is NOVEMBER already., so I shall get this thread started by telling you that 9 days from today, I will be on a plane from sunny Florida to gray, cold Chicago for my annual Thanksgiving trip to my sister's house.
This year, more than ever, I need to be around my family. I need their love, support, and most of all their noise and energy. My two nephews have given me 5 great nieces and nephews, ages six to 18 months.
My sister and brother in law are taking me to an Indiana casino for an Oldies concert and a little slots. Then a week or two after that, to another Oldies concert. Are we sensing a pattern here?
So looking forward to this. I will be away for 3 weeks.
My sister (and her dog)and I will be flying from Maine to Florida to spend Thanksgiving with my daughter and her husband. This will probably involve some sailing in Tampa Bay.
I am going to the Holy Land (Israel) in a couple of weeks. I have always wanted to go and just never got around to it. I am going with my sister and brother in law and a group from their church. I just got my luggage tags, airline e-tickets etc in the mail Friday. So excited!!!
I'm going to stay with a friend in Arizona for a week beginning November 8th. I live near Chicago so this will be a real treat for me. It's the first real vacation I've had in a very long time. Since my husband is in the nursing home, it makes it a whole lot easier to get away. If it wasn't for my kids though, this never would have happened. They made it so I couldn't make any excuses and I appreciate it so much. I'll have my son-in-law for a chauffeur and his saved miles to pay for my trip. He's a real prince.
I just got back from Ireland this evening. What a wonderful trip. I'm too jet-lagged at the moment to be articulate, but will probably post something more about the trip...maybe on the Widows/widowers thread. Stay tuned.
Tonight is suppose to get down to around 30. I can tell cause my feet are cold = had to find my slippers which really doesn't help. Days are only in the 50s. Not ready for the cold. Oh well!!
HB broke another belt today. He goes through one about every 6 months. He pulls it so tight it doesn't take long to 'cut' through the leather. Of course he has been obsessing over finding another one someone in the MH but there isn't. Now I know what will happen in the morning. He is convinced his pants will fall off without it. Can't get him to consider elastic waste with a belt either.
sounds like all of you are having exciting times. I had to put DH in care center last week. It all happened so quickly, that I still am trying to adjust. He fell Sunday a.m., hurt his elbow, but I am taking that as conformation that he is where he should be. Later this month I will have knee replaced. This will be the first time, that I am having to do something like this on my own. He has always been there for me before. I didn't realize that it takes two to really be independent. How do I get off the guilt trip, for moving him away from home?
Bobbie, it sounds like you did the appropriate thing...as you said, it sounds like he is where he needs to be for his own safety. No need to feel guilty. You are still taking care of him, just in a different way. And if you have to get your knee done, I don't know how you could do that and still take care of him at home.
Good luck with the knee surgery Bobbie. You'll be able to recover more fully without him home and that's very important for your own health and future. I just had bi-lateral total knee replacement revision in early June; had them done at the same time. Recovery with both knees was challenging but I'm glad I did it. Certainly not for the faint of heart! If you have the option, you might want to rehab in an acute rehab hospital...I found that it was very helpful in getting me up and walking and recovery.
Bobbie, I also had my knee replaced March 2014, I am still healing, it takes up to 2 years for some. There is a website where patients having knee surgery blog, it is run by a orthopedic nurse. There is a wealth of information there to help you through your recovery. I wish I had known about It before my surgery, I would never have gone to physical therapy. So many just heal naturally, easy exercises and walking. I feel that I would have been better off as some of those therapists are brutal and do more harm than good. The website is Bonesmart.org . Good luck and I hope you have an easy and quick recovery.
Bobbie, I have had 3 knee replacements (I wore one of them out and it had to be done again after 15+ years) all with excellent results. The key is to be faithful in doing the rehab exercises. Good luck.
Found out from my estranged DIL Emilee (we have a good relationship) that I definitely have another granddaughter. When my son was living in Oklahoma he got his 'girlfriend' pregnant. Like a soap opera there cause supposedly she slept with 3 different guys when she got pregnant. He denied it was his, she filed for welfare naming his as the father. Paternity test came back with him the father. Emilee said her son N was very upset he was no longer the youngest grandchild. Since I will never be a part of this girls life (she is about a year old now) I told her to tell N (7) he will still be my favorite grandson and M (10) my favorite granddaughter. Out of 8, they are the only two I am a part of their lives. My daughter's oldest two (17, 14) live in Oregon with their dad and his extended family who want them to have nothing to do with our family. Her third one was given up for adoption and is 11. Her youngest is almost 10 and we have not been a part of his life since he was about 9 months old when she took off to TN. Son's oldest (16) lives in CA with her mom and despite promising to allow me to send birthday and Christmas presents, she moved about 5 years ago and has never given me even a PO box to mail stuff too even though I have asked numerous times via email. Such is life!
We have had depressing weather the last few days - cloudy, showers, wind, very little sunshine. Had first frost the other morning. Evidently Jasmine had forgotten what the grass felt like and did not like the 'crunching' grass to walk on. She is so funny when we go walking she will not step in the leaves - bypasses or jumps over, same with pine needles. So funny!!
I am so sick of political correctness. Today my 10 year old granddaughter walked up to a classmate and said what she thought was a compliment to him. She looked at his arm and told him he had beautiful brown skin that reminded her of chocolate. Well, the boy did not think it was a compliment. Now she has in her school records that she was making racist remarks. Instead of the teacher using this to teach, she made a big deal out of. What would have been better to do IMO was to get the two kids together, explain to the boy she meant it as a compliment and explain to my granddaughter that sometimes we say things that are meant to be good but are misunderstood and in this case she hurt his feelings even though she did not mean to. Arggg
Charlotte I know just how you feel. I have three Grandchildren and three great Grandchildren, one will be eight tomorrow, that I never see or hear from. My son's X wife has even when they were married made sure they think we are bad people. When they were married she would have our son ask for money to help, she wouldn't work, and now says we were mean to her. The money was never paid back and that was fine, but I would sure love a visit or call from them. My other son lives out west and his two children and four Grandchildren that never call or come to visit. I have tried to figure out just what I did to The two wives to deserve this but I just can't. My friend of years has said I just did to much for them. In other words I spilled them. They are very selfish and inconsiderate. I guess that is my fault as well.
I just talked to my husband's sister. She and her husband (who is 80) are some of the most sober, law-abiding, and honest people I know. She said that her husband has been suffering excruciating neck pain for weeks. It only comes when he lies down to sleep. Tests have been done and they think they have identified the problem. His doctor has referred him to a sports medicine rehab specialist but he can't get in for another 10 days. Oxycodone has not helped, so the doctor has doubled the dose. Last night, my brother-in-law told his wife that he would rather die that suffer from this pain anymore, so this morning she called their grandson and arranged to get some marijuana from him later today. This is not how things should be.
No, it is not how things should be. Intractable pain is considered a medical emergency, and needs to be treated immediately. Are your in-laws stressing that the pain is unbearable and something must be done because he can't stand it? I hope they're not being too nice and gallant in order to be seen as "good" patients. They should be kicking up a fuss.
Does he go to a chiropractor? It may be a adjustment. They can do gentle adjustments now. Also, acupressure works for relief too. Might try valerian root to help relax things. Hope the marijuana helps.
I, too, have neck pain, which worsens when I lie down. For the past 5 weeks I've been going once a week to a physiotherapist who does intramuscular stimulation. So far, it has been the most helpful thing I've had done. It's painful when it's done, but that night the pain is less, and the next day is bliss. I got this physio's name from an Occupational Therapist who came in to assess my computer workstation. She goes to him, too.
They have already kicked up a fuss but all that is left is the ER, which is horrible here. They just park you in a gurney in the hall. She thinks the sports medicine place is going to assess him for physical therapy. I'll mention intramuscular stimulation and the acupressure, etc.
I don't get this whole oxycodone thing. It seems to be the standard medication for severe pain. People seem to get hooked on the stuff quite easily and a lot of time for no purpose since it often seems to be inadequate to treat the pain. The only time I took it, it did not help the pain and made me very sick so I won't take it again. It scares me that oxycodone is the best they can do.
I did something to my leg which was very painful. I called the local orthopedist and was given an appointment for 2 weeks away. I told the receptionist that if I had to wait 2 weeks with this pain I would probably shot myself. She called back later that day (Friday) with an appointment for Monday (last). The leg is much better now.
I would not recommend a chiropractor for neck pain. People have suffered from permanent paralysis from chiropractic manipulation. Unlike MDs chiropractors and other alternative practitioners do not report when things go bad to a central authority so statistics are lacking.
I had to let my sweet dog go this morning. She had multiple seizures this weekend. And was in failing health overall. So sad to lose her. She was my rock while I was taking care of DH. I will miss her so much. The house will not be the same. And I know my other dog as well as the cats will miss her. Hug your fur babies, they are never here long enough.
Oh blue, I too am so sorry; our fur babies provide so much love and support during our caregiving days. I too am dealing with having to make decisions about my little fur baby who helped me survive the horrors of FTD. He was recently diagnosed with lymphoma and now I have to decide how or if I want to treat him. Prognosis isn't good either way.
Well, my brother-in-law who is in such pain and who was going to get the marijuana from the grandson didn't do it because he could not bring himself to break the law! I tried to explain to him that the possession of one ounce or less of marijuana is only a civil offense in this state but he is still wary. Arrrgh! At least he got an appointment for tomorrow with the sports medicine doctor.
I've not nothing in particular to discuss, but I haven't checked in for a while so I decided to use the November 2015 topic to let you all know how we are doing. I sold our home over the summer and moved into a smaller house on a 1/2 acre lot. I've learned to use a riding lawn mower and just being tucked away here with lots of space has been very soothing to me.
My DH has lived in a wonderful memory care facility for over 2 years and his particular Unit has just 12 male residents & 3-4 staff members. It's called the 'Behavior Unit' which scared me to begin with but now I am grateful he is there. Most of our loved ones have behaviors throughout this disease but this very quiet Unit lessens the chaos and (for the most part) keeps the guys calm. The staff and activities people are wonderfully caring and loving toward our guys. I still keep very close track of what is going on and when there are new staff I am very "forthcoming" about what I believe works best for him (and sometimes others). I know I should pick my battles carefully but when I see something going on that I know the facility would not approve of, I alert the Director and the Head of Nursing.
He has started to have grand mal seizures (one 9 months ago and then one in September (10 minutes seizing) and again in October (20 minutes seizing). They've added Keppra to his meds list and we are keeping our fingers crossed that this will do the trick - for a while at least. The only other meds he takes are Neurontin & Celexa.
The result of the last 2 seizures is that he's less aware of what's going on around him, he walks more unsteadily and with a more pronounced shuffle, and he sometimes does not feed himself without a lot of cues or help. He also does not recognize me very often, but knows that I'm someone that is his. He does not speak - except for gibberish and wanders or sits placidly throughout the day. It's difficult to figure out how to communicate with him or what to do/say, so while I'm there almost every day, I sit quietly with him or walk with him, holding his hand but not talking much. Not sure if I should be doing anything different but I'm not too bothered by it because he doesn't know how to respond or what I'm talking about when I do try to have a conversation with him.
We just had a care conference with his Dr & Nurse practitioner and they told us is that the pace of the changes we've seen in the last 6 months typically determines the pace of future declines. Call me crazy but that really threw me. Just another reminder to me that I live in DENIAL that this disease will someday kill my wonderful man.
Throughout the summer & early Fall I fought depression and constant grief so, in October, I brought my golden doodle back from my daughter's home in Denver where he had lived for 3 years. Now my days are filled with tossing the ball, going for 3-4 mile walks, going to visit my DH, tossing the ball, yard work, tossing the ball, watching TV, one last tossing the ball, and bed. I sleep better and laugh all the time, cause he's so cute & funny. I promised myself that even when it's the dead of winter & -20, we will still go for long walks & toss the ball outside although probably not without a lot of whining.
Well, that's my update. It's dreary and rainy here today so, rather than our 4 mile walk, we are going to go see my DH & the guys. Take care everyone.
One more thing: Thanks to those of you who have periodically coached us on how to copy long posts before sending, in case we've been typing too long and the post won't go through. It just happened to me but because of your reminders, I didn't lose my writings. :)
Fiona good to hear things are going nicely with you. Yes, our fur babies can be our best antidepressant and incentive to get up and do things even if just throwing a ball.
Today is windy 30 - 45 with gust to 60. Suppose to keep up until late evening. Now to spend the day listening to hb constantly remark about it. Won't need t use my rocking chair today!!
Fiona, it sounds like your hubby is in a wonderful place...how I hope to find a place like that when the time comes, but I'm not holding my breath.
Just one little comment about going outside & tossing the ball in the dead of winter & -20 degrees - who will be doing the whining, you or the poochie? Hehehe :)
Fiona, I am so glad I checked in and caught your update, it's wonderful to hear from you ((hugs)) I am sorry to hear of your sweethearts declines, it must be heartbreaking for you. But I am also happy to learn that he is content and peaceful, such a blessing! And how wonderful it is to know you have found measures of comfort and joy. Fantastic! Give your pup and your sweetie a hug from me ((hugs))
Charlotte, that's too darn funny "won't need to use my rocking chair today". It's something I always wonder about: Do you ever get concerned that in high winds your MH is going to blow over?
Mim, I will DEFINITELY be the one whining when it's -20 & we are still outside "having fun". I wish that we all could find the type & level of care I've found for my DH. I'll hold good thoughts that you find one too.
Nikki, you are absolutely right, it is such a blessing that he is content and feels loved where he is - and I don't take it for granted. I thank them and God every day. I tell people that if I were to die before Darryl does, at least I don't have to worry about his care. He's in the best hands possible.
Today was our last day of temps in the 50's so my dog and I went for a 4 mile walk. There are trails and paths and it feels like I'm in the country. I just love it here. It's my solace.
yes, there are times I think about it. One summer where we were we had strong winds that broadsided us. The wind caught the slide topper and actually picked up the slide a little. I was sitting in it - it wasn't much but enough to scare me. After that when they were over 40 I would bring it in. If the wind blows at night I don't sleep much. I have done better since 3 years ago when I put straps over the slide to prevent the topper acting like a parachute! I almost brought it in yesterday but there is so much to move to bring it in that I held out. We have a 3'x4' 'deck' we have carried around for years that we have sitting on concrete blocks in front of the door. This thing is heavy but the wind moved it and the bricks about 2 inches! I have been the most scared when we drive in winds cause Art would rarely stop. There have been times it felt like it was tipping!
Today has been sunny and calm - never would think yesterday was so windy. On Rattlesnake Mountain yesterday the top gust was 115mph. It is at 3500 ft we are at 400. Just think all the weather is heading east. I sure hope it doesn't turn into a blizzard for you people east of us.
Today was payday (SS payday for us) so went shopping. I got a free turkey!! I told them a 14 pound max and the guy brought an almost 17. Of course it won't fit in my oven, so I am going to thaw it and cut it up like a chicken!!
It's snowing lightly. All the leaves are long gone. The tree outside my window is full of birds dive bombing the sunflower and niger seeds and the four fat squirrels eating them; but, I put out seven piles. The blue jays want no part of it. They dive bomb my window and no other window in the house because like so many animals, they know a lot more than we like to give them credit for. For instance, they know when squirrels are in the backyard, the first peanut fling is the decoy. Squirrels never catch on. No blue jay goes for the first fling. They know it's the second fling and even as the squirrels are now bounding over to them they weigh two nuts, pick the best one, and take off to their favourite stash place. When they come a second or third time to my window ledge after that I put out my arm towards them in a waving gesture that says go away. And so they do.
We're in autumn which around here means the leaves are gone, it's often a gray sky, and the winds are coming. Somewhere, usually November, the Jet Stream meanders below us and after that settles in so it's the artic circulations and not the gulf circulations that dominate. I still have two roses in full bloom outside which is very unusual; and while I have no idea how they survived the frosts so far, they will not survive artic frost. With El Nino so active this year it's tough to predict what winter we will have around here. Unusual is a sure bet this year.
I set my binoculars up on a small tripod on my work table. I've watched this moon cycle more closely than any before. The moon sets due west from here right now and I've watched it fatten from a thin sliver to the half moon it is now. I can easily see the craters on the moon in sharp relief because without an atmosphere, the terminator is sharp and distinct. I've also used my bird feeding activities to take pictures and have some that I'm pretty sure will make it into the local rag when I send them in.
This summer if all goes well I may be out there in the country taking pictures. I know some places I've meant to photograph but have been kind of busy. One is an old barn/garage that has an old thunderbird parked beside it which is turquoise and white. The barn is a weathered wine red. In the right light, I'm bound to get something decent looking with a little work. I don't expect anything. I'm glad to feel the interest.
I saw Whoopi Goldberg on The Late Show a while ago. I used to be a night owl and was always up at 1am at least and sleep till 9. I was like that my whole life when cicrumstance permitted. Now I'm always in bed before midnight reading. My cat is usually rolling around on the bed beside me wanting pats while I read things like doom and gloom about the inverted yield curve in long term treasury rates. I glance through the paper and through the online news but I don't find it interesting. I could write the news. Conflict in the middle east for instance. Shocking. It's always paramount to say how many died. Fourty seven died in something somewhere. What Whoopi said was she has found out she likes living on her own and she's written a book about that. It caught my attention because I happen to be doing that too and I might just read her book. I'll take all the help I can get on all subjects. Even from a fortune cookie:
"Fear knocked on the door. Faith answered it. No one was there."
I usually throw the cookies out unopened. I never read them even when I eat them. It just means I was bored and found them in the kitchen. Not this time. That's how it is I'm finding.
I have enjoyed the night and early morning night sky. Last month Jupiter was bright as could be in the early evening near the moon, then moved to morning before sunset. This month I see Jupiter is back at night. I was reading up that in the early morning before sunrise you can also see Venus, Jupiter and Mars. I guess one can say the benefits of having a dog is seeing the night/morning sky. I usually take her out at midnight before I go to bed and she gets me up around 6 - 6:30am. Now that it is dark I can see more in the sky if I take the time. This morning it was 24 F and she did not like the 'crunchy' grass so made it a quick job!!
On our morning walk around the park this morning had the not wanted job to knock on someones door telling them water was running everywhere. Evidently they froze somewhere - hopefully it was his hose cause that would be the easiest to fix.
Wolf, interesting that you are in to photography. When I retired I tried to start a photography business, but found I liked taking pictures, but not selling them. Then when my wife got sick I gave up photography. Now that she is gone, and I'm in a new relationship, I have started taking pictures again. It's lots of fun. Got some great sunset pictures a couple of days ago. Also, noticed that winter is definitely coming. I saw the constellation "Orion" a couple of nights ago, still low in the east, but rising.
Yes, I saw Orion last night for the first time this year--rising in the southeast. I've also been watching the moon--it's been pretty lately, waxing from a bright crescent to a gibbous, just glowing like a lantern up there. Tonight it's cloudy again...oh well.
The painters are done with the inside of the house, except for the garage, which they'll do Monday. I've decided to go whole hog--I'm having them go ahead and paint the basement, too. It is interesting (to me, anyway), how taking all the pictures and mirrors down, repairing the walls, re-painting everything...feels like clearing the decks and making a fresh start. A coat of paint does a lot for a house. It's creamy white walls with the trim a whiter white. The little bedroom is a warm, lightish gray...just so everything isn't white and the house doesn't look like the inside of an egg. (As Mim could tell you, it's a small house near the woods, and can get dim...this house really needs the white interior, as much as I love colors.)
Re: Living on your own. I don't know...I like to be alone, but this is getting to be a bit much. Maybe I'll go to the dance tomorrow. I'm finding more and more that as DD is going out with guys she's met on match.com she is asking me to watch the kids. I have mixed feelings about this...mostly along the lines of I need to be making friends myself, not just watching the grands so she can date. I don't so much want to be some kind of party person...and I certainly don't want to do online dating...(I have a life)...but the things I like to do are a little solitary. Playing my harp, writing and turning in my book reviews--not things that you really do with anybody else. But it would be nice to have somebody to chat with, or have coffee or dinner with. I checked out meet up.com, but it was all weird stuff. And the singles group activities are just not things I like to do much--at least not enough to go driving around in the cold and the dark to participate. This is kind of frustrating...even with a positive attitude, I'm just a square peg in a round hole down here. I know all about blooming where you're planted...getting involved...but every location is not for every person. Hope this post didn't sound negative.
Watched Youtube for around three hours last night--watching and listening to songs and groups that I like. Went to bed happy, slept in for an extra hour, woke up happy. The reason i'm posting this is I think music can help us. Just another tool in the caregiver's toolbox.
elizabeth*, I'm so glad you feel better about things today. When I read your posts, the ones that seem positive, hopeful, and happy are those that talk about your trip to Ireland and your plan to make a new life in NY. The ones that sound sad and discouraged are those that describe your life now. I'm sure that the house and community in which you live now are lovely but all the platitudes in the world are not going to make them home. And then there is the issue of the babysitting. I think it's a safe bet that now that your babysitting has expanded and is serving a new purpose, your daughter will try even harder than before to keep you in thrall.
I have to agree with Myrtle: this new demand on your time and energy by your daughter is sounding off bells of alarms for me. I've mentioned before that I have the same entitlement problem with my own daughter. You may have to physically remove yourself. If you do, you can keep in touch with your grandchildren with notes, phone calls, birthday and Christmas presents. From where I sit (and it may sound judgmental and old-fashioned, but I'm basing it on what you've said previously), her husband was a good guy; the marriage wasn't that bad, but she wanted more. Her decisions have adversely affected her husband, her children and you. Now she wants to date. She needs to take responsibility for her decisions for a change. Let her find and pay for a trustworthy babysitter. If she can't find one, let her stay home. Otherwise, I think you might be entitling her, even though your motives come from a kind and loving heart.
Thanks, Myrtle and Mary, you couldn't have summed it up better. Well, there are only seven and a half months until school is out. My action plan after the painting is completed is to go up to Kingston and scope out living arrangements. I'll have to watch the weather carefully, and perhaps sneak between the snowflakes. I think I posted somewhere else that I want to make sure Kingston still feels "right" , although any time I've been up there over the past two years and 11 months, it still seems fine to me--a funky old Hudson river town dating back to the days of Peter Stuyvesant. And there's not been anything earthshaking in the newspaper (Daily Freeman), except that they are making a big push to expand the walking trails. Well, that sounds good to me! : D
Outsiders of course will not know the full story. I am already practicing saying what is just the simple truth: (Casual and breezy tone) "Oh yeah, we just moved down to Ohio to get Larry taken care of within the family, so he never had to go to a nursing home. And of course, we took care of my mother at home, too. She and Larry both died last year...at home...with the family...just like they wanted to. I was able to have a couple nice visits with my mother toward the end that I never would have had if we had stayed up in NY. Yes, and I just enjoy the grandchildren so much...I've stayed an extra nine months to help out...give them a good start...but they are all school age now, and will all be in the same elementary school in the fall...so it's time for me to get back home to Kingston."
elizabeth*, that's a really good job of "putting a happy face" on the real situation you were dealing with. Reminds me of an an advertising guy I used to work with who was inspired at writing stuff intended to "take the nasty off something".
Elizabeth, I think you & I have similar personality traits...I enjoy doing solitary things, always have. I'm pretty much of a homebody, which at the present time is probably a good thing. I like to read, play on the computer, even go places by myself (not far, far away though!) I used to do needlework, some quilting, a lot of scrapbooking, never feeling a need to join a group to do those things. I've never really lived completely on my own though, so that might be quite a different experience.
If I were transplanted from here to some other area, I would probably feel a little displaced. When we got married, we moved to California. Lived there for seven years, but it wasn't really home. There's a lot of negativity about this area (& some has been well deserved!), but it's still home. I remember the way it used to be, the "good old days" so to speak...it was a good place to live.
I hope to see the new, improved version of your house before you move back to Kingston. It sounds small town-ish, rather quaint - I think I would love it!
Yes I agree daughter might be taking advantage, although it would be pretty difficult to say these things to a son or daughter. I'm sorry to say that I don't have grandchildren to babysit, but then on the other hand maybe it's a good thing. I always told my kids that when they had kids, I wasn't going to raise them....maybe I was too forceful & they took me seriously!!
Things might be in a changing mode here, what with me looking into daycare for him & he seems to be really out of kilter the last couple of days. Tonight he wet his pants for the first time ever! Only time will tell if he keeps going in a decline or if it changes again. No two days are the same.