Aloha everyone. First off, I am sorry I do not post more...I just do not have it in me right now. I hope you will all believe me when I say I pray and send good thoughts out for each and every one of you..I come here to review what is happening.
So much is changing in my life. The first thing I want to share, is the most amazing thing that came to be when I was visiting Dados grave on Maui two months ago. I hope that it will fill you with some peace.
When I went, I sat by his grave for the three days I was there, stayed at a little rental just two blocks away. I had the intention of letting go a little more, trying to get the "stuck" thing out of my chest and soul. And yet, when I got there I could NOT say a goodbye, I sent out a request to Dado and to God to please help me release some more, so I could get through the rest of this life with some happiness.
The last night I was there, about 2 am, I had a dream where I felt I was awake. Dado was standing in the room, he was his old self, dressed in his gardening clothes and wearing his doo rag around his head, he looked great. I said, "Dado, I have not seen you in so long!" He told me, Patty, I am so happy where I am, I am gardening for some people and it is so beautiful, would you like to see it?" Of course I said, and we whisked through the air. We ended up sitting on an old rounded painted set of stairs, on an old building, with a gorgeous garden of rolling grass and scented flowers. He was sitting in the middle, me on his right, and a woman on his left. At first, I thought it was his old girlfriend who had passed away, and in my dream/wake state, I felt jealous. But then, as he was sitting with his head kind of down, I looked over at her. She stroked Dadoʻs head and told me, "We love Dado so much here, we are just so happy to have him" I looked closer, and I saw that she had wispy clothes and hair, with "sparkles" all around her. Of course,not the girlfriend, but an angel, possibly the one I felt take him away immediately when he died. She radiated pure love.
As the dream started to fade, I looked at Dado sitting with his head kind of down, and I heard him in my heart, and felt him, feeling sad for ME, that he was so happy there and I was so sad. I could feel him telling me to not worry about him and to be happy. Then I woke up.
I came back from Maui, and my life has changed. I am renting my home as of Dec. 1st, and moving just down the road in a very small off the grid cabin for almost no money. It is close enough for my cats to come over. this allows me to save a substantial amount of money each month for some upcoming travels. But mainly it frees me up to go back and forth to Canada to visit my Mom, and stay and help her. She is getting close to be totally infirm and I want to spend what time I can with her.
I can still go to the deep grief place, look at his last day photos, and remember and cry so hard and deep. However, I can also do that briefly, and then let it go.
Why was I so lucky to have that dream, I do not know. I wish we could all see our loved ones in peace. Now I am changed forever, I have that old Patty that is crazy and fun, but it is the new one I like. The one that knows she is deserving and even good at times, and the new found strength I have to not take crap and unheeded garbage from people. The one that truly wants to help in some way. Now..I just need to feel the part that I DESERVE, that part that says that I deserve fun and freedom without feeling obligated.
Good to hear from you Patty and good to hear of the breakthrough you had. Small or large doesn't matter - you have taken a step forward knowing that is what Dado wants for you. It all sounds like a great plan.
Coco, you had such a strong bond with Dado it is no suprise that you can still feel his love. So glad that your lovely dream has eased your pain and will help you to live your life in a way that will bring you comfort and strength. All the very best to you, cassie*
Coco, what a lovely gift you've been given; to see and talk with your love and to have him help you find your way to a more peaceful place. You give so much of yourself to others and we truly love you and wish you peace and happiness. Take good care and thanks for the update.
Ho Coco Thanks for sharing that lovely peaceful dream I will remember it forever as I travel this sad journey So happy for you to have found a way to live this new life that you never wanted but I think you are finding Your way to happiness you do deserve