KY caregiver, There is a very good thread on this subject. If someone else does not bring it to the top first, I'll search for it tomorrow.
I think it all depends on what your spouse is capable of understanding. My husband was so far gone that he did not know he was not home so just bringing him over was the best thing. I did not ever tell him, either that morning or at any other time. Other spouses know where they are and should be told in advance. Some people bring tbeir spouses to lunch at the facility a few times so they can get used to it.
Ky caregiver, I brought a thread to the top for you called, "How do I prepare him for the nursing home?"
Also, go to the sticky called "Caregiver Life with Spouse in Residence." and go to page 16. You'll see that on May 19, 2014, I posted a question similar to yours and got several good answers.
Most people suggest not to tell, it may create anxiety and resistance.
In my wife's case she knew about the move into her first ALF, we needed her cooperation, and later she understood that she was being kicked out of that ALF so knew she would be moving.
I don't know if I did right or wrong. I told my dh that he was going to go to the care center some time next week. And told him why. Basically, I can't find full time help, can't afford it and can't do it myself. He got out of the wheelchair, started using the walker, sat up till after 9 p.m., got up in the night and used the walker, showered and did a complete turn around.
Guess, we will try it at home for awhile longer. He has VaD, type 1 diabetes, and is recovering from a stroke, and a broken hip. If we can stay home together and watch the Dallas Cowboys, who cares if my floors can't be eaten off of?