Today I gave away DH"s bed. He is no longer able to spend the night and moving into the Mobile meant I needed the extra bedroom for storage and an office area so the bed went to our Granddaughter. After it left I sat on the stairs and cried. I am still crying but not as much. It was such a hurtful moment when I suddenly realized it was going to mean a new stage that meant he was gone for good. No more tucking him in and going in the morning to wake him with a kiss. I feel such a terrible loss. There is no going back.
I took him out for our Thanksgiving lunch today. He loves the festive special of chicken, mashed potatoes, dressing and pumpkin pie. We go there often but today he said " what's the name of this place?" After the bed upset last night, I just about lost it again but kept it inside until I was alone again. Earlier he asked if his bed was gone and I cried a little. He told me he can sleep on the floor if he comes to visit. I reminded him that the Dr. wants him to sleep in his own bed there and he was fine again. So many emotions flying around right now.
It's that loss of the "us", and the "we", and all the old comfortable, familiar routines and "things." I know that "things" are not important...that people are important. But we're losing them as people. And we lose the familiar routines (for us it was the diner every Sunday morning after Mass--of course it got to the point where he could not go to church or to a restaurant)...and we do lose "things." I did not save any of his pipes after we had to stop him from smoking them. I kind of wish I had hidden one and kept it as a memento. I did save his tobacco pouch, though. I sniff it sometimes, just for the memory of his tobacco. And while I feel that getting rid of our bedroom set was a relief, I do see it at my daughter's house and get such a sense of poignant nostalgia. It's just furniture, but very evocative.
things shouldn't matter, but they do. Our kids came in while we were in hosp and moved the queen size bed out and put 2 twins in----easier for him to get in and out. Nothing is the same, tears, tears, and all I hear is "what good does it do to cry??" from him and them.No good but I can't stop them.
Good heavens, of course you should cry! That just infuriates me that anybody would make such an insensitive remark...boy, if anybody has earned the right to cry, it's us.
Big girls can cry! Than you take a shower get dressed and get yourself your favorite -------- fill in the blank. Candy ice cream, pizza, sandwich, glass of wine. Just not everything all at once. Hang tight xxoo
I am trying to hang on tight, and when I can't I come to this board. One day up and the next down. I don't know how old any of you are, but I used to watch "As the World turns" faithfully-----and sometime they would just throw in a new character for Nancy(or whoever) and it always bothered me-----I think that is my life now. Only I am the new character. I am married to som eone who is so different, someone rearranged my whole house (life) and I am supposed to go on marching right in step. I really would like overs. Am I as crazy as I sound.
OMG Bobbie your sound like the rest of us on this site. This is a terrible disease that changes our lives for years. You are not crazy, you are a dementia caregiver. Everyone of us would love to have things back as they were with our loved one back as he or she was but that is not our reality. Have you found a support group other then here? You need to find one that you can go to and just let it all out. They understand because they are living it as well. Soap opera's are not reality. Hang it there girl, you can do this.
I was going to say pretty much the same thing that Jazzy did. You're not crazy, you're an Alzheimers caregiver. It makes it seem like you're crazy, but you're not. We've all been there, unfortunately. It's really the only disease that can destroy the caregiver right along with the patient. Stay strong.
Keep coming to this website where people have so much to offer. Support groups can help a lot if it's the right group. Some are helpful, some are not. I always did best just coming to this website a lot. People here "get it" more than I ever found anywhere else, although it was hard to leave my husband in the first place to go out anywhere...maybe there were good groups out in the community, but I was tethered in the house with him, so couldn't go.
Spousal issues really are different, as Joan says. A lot of people will say they understand perfectly, because, "My grandfather had Old-timers." Yeah, right. Well-meaning but clueless.
While out walking the dog I stopped to speak with a lady. She said hb stopped by yesterday as he was walking the dog. She says he seems normal until he repeats himself. She says I don't know how you do it. Often I don't either.
There is a support group that meets once a month. I look forward to it. The leader is a wonderful person, Susan. She listens and lets you cry or laugh. Every one is different, but the same. It is so different when it is your husband. tonight, we weren't sleeping and I started talking to him and he said "all you want to do is find things to worry about and then talk about them at night". I guess that is true..But in the dark, looking over he seemed so normal and I just forgot----normal is gone.
Keep us updated on how it's going. I'm wondering how the transfers are working out. Did you ever have to get a Hoyer, or are the two of you managing without?