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    • CommentAuthorAdmin
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2015
    Good Morning Everyone,

    I invite you to log onto the home page - and read today's blog. This blog discusses a decision each person needs to make for themselves. I hope in sharing my decision making process with you that it will help you make a life altering decision that you may have been avoiding. Please posts opinions and ideas, as well as your own experiences here.

    Thank you.

    I am so happy for you Joan. My heart has hurt so much for you. Good to read the news. I truly believe that "most" people should not make a big change the first year. But we are not "most" people. We have had years to think about the after and what we need or want. I see nothing wrong or no down side to what you are doing. I wish you the best, and yes I often feel like my DH is guiding me along to. May you find true peace in your heart.
    Your decision makes perfect sense to me, Joan. I, too, am living somewhere I would not normally be. I am only here because we needed to make an out-of-state move from my beloved Hudson Valley to ensure Larry was cared for by was my mother, who died the same year he did, here in the Heartland. I got to spend extra time with her--precious memories were made--and I never would have had those final visits with Mother if I had been in NY. So it all was good...then. It's not so good now. I realized a year ago that I wanted to sell this little house and move back to NY, but did think I should stay for the full year after his death. I allowed myself to be manipulated...all right...bullied...into staying for this 2015-2016 school year to cook, babysit, and chauffeur for the family. I am fulfilling that role cheerfully and without "attitude", but this is not in the right place for me. I have no friends here, and other than Mass every Sunday and walking in the park daily, have no activities outside the home. Because of family constraints, it's hard to participate in anything. My trips to Canada and the upcoming one to Ireland are as much about escaping family commitments as anything else. Like you, I am almost certain that I'm going to sign an apartment lease and rent for a year in NY before I commit to another house. This whole singles journey is just too new and unfamiliar, and I want some flexibility while I find my footing. I'm finding that sorting, donating, and discarding is an emotional watershed in and of itself. We were never packrats anyway, but I want some time to really pare down possessions, pictures, mementos, etc....and decide what I want to live with...what reflects me and only me...things are not important; people are important...but I'm finding that "things" can be very evocative. I'm weeding and editing carefully...taking little steps towards a new "me" life instead of the old "us" life. I had always thought that when Larry died that I would just segue into the same kind of big extended family life that he and I were both raised in. But it isn't like that...I'm just being used...and like you, Joan, I'm "Movin' On."
    • CommentAuthorAmber
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2015
    Good for you for listening to yourself.

    I have an "I give myself permission list" list that I take out and read when ever I get stuck. One of the items on it is I give myself permission to now put myself and my needs first! Before anyone else.

    You have done a great job looking after and putting Sids needs first. It's your kind to yourself.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2015 edited
    This move sounds very sensible. Since your professional life is focused on Alzheimer's, it's probably a good idea to move your residence to a place where you don't run into the disease all the time. Everyone needs a break from work.

    Like all rules, this "one-year" thing can be taken too far. (I suspect it's like the "drink-8-glasses-of-water-per-day" rule, which is taken as gospel even though it has little support in medicine.) Your new community sounds like it has a lot of interesting and positive things to offer. I hope it works out.
    I live right down the road from Joan. This move will be wonderful More activities than she can fit in a day. The biggest problem is that there are too many great restaurants and too much shopping in a two mile area. I am confident that Joan will overcome these obstacles. Good luck dear friend. Glad we will still be neighbors.
    I moved less than one month after my wife died, but it had been planned before. I'm glad I did - near to my kids and my sister.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2015
    Sounds great Joan. Will be a change from that small apartment to a 3 bedroom.
    Good for you, Joan. I commend you on your decision. I am still in my condo for now. I will have it paid off by next summer. No immediate plans to move but have certainly not ruled it out. My condo is very much like a home as the units are well spaced, but like you I am looking for activities and new friends and it is tough going. I have reverted back to my prior activities but am looking for new people and new experiences. God bless and best wishes.
    Good for you Joan!! I found myself smiling from earring to earring as you described your new place. Sounds wonderful and perfect for you. I think it a very wise decision to remove yourself from all the visuals of people ill.
    My husband went into care 3 years and 7 months ago and I am still in our little home. I often think I want to move as there are so many things that remind me of my husband. Sometimes that is comforting, other times distressing. I love the idea of getting a new place and sort of starting all over.
    I am truly thrilled for you!!
    • CommentAuthorLizbeth
    • CommentTimeSep 1st 2015
    You nurtured your Sid for so long, I am glad to see you are now nurturing yourself. It sounds like a perfect move for you at this time.
    • CommentAuthorAliM
    • CommentTimeSep 1st 2015
    This sounds wonderful, Joan. Love that one floor plan. Giving yourself time is ideal. Hope you are shouting "happy thoughts" to us in the weeks and months to come.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeSep 1st 2015

    "My trips to Canada and the upcoming one to Ireland are as much about escaping family commitments as anything else."

    That sounds a lot like a vacation. I remember those. You stop working for a bit and go somewhere.
    Ha-ha, Wolf. Actually I think I'm going to research Florida. I wish I could find a condo like Joan's!
    You are emerging, Joan and you will be fine. I made a life-changing move within 9 months of my husband's death. Now one year later, I know it was the right decision for me. You are strong and I believe you will find happiness again.
    Yes it is true that it is not good to not make fast decisions. this case I know you are doing the 100% right thing! I am also going to be making a big change and will start a new thread about it.

    On the selfish side, now there is a room for me when I come visit!! Can't wait to have some girly friend time together Joan, love you and wish you every bit of goodness you can glean out of this life.