My DH is in a nursing home 157 miles from me. He is in a wheelchair, only says a few word, has to be fed, and doesn't know me (maybe a slight recognition once in awhile). Is there anyone out there with an experience like this? We have been married for almost 49years.It is such a long drive. I had a hip replacement on Aug. 4 so haven't seen him since the Thursday before the operation. I think I'm almost well enough to drive that distance. Does anyone have any input on this subject?
I don't have the challenge of making that decision yet, but 157 miles is a long drive. I would think whatever you are comfortable with and can afford is the right decision for you. If that is once a week then once a week is right for you. If you feel the need to see him (not meaning obligation) more often and it is not draining on you, then do it. If you can afford it, once you are better maybe go stay in a motel overnight so you can see him 2 days in a row.
Thank you Charlotte I'm going to try to see him this week. I live in a very wintery place so when winter comes probably won't attempt very often unless I have someone go with me
I don't have any input about how frequently you should visit because my husband is only 8 miles away from me. But I do think the 157-mile drive is a lot in one day. My maximum for a day trip is 125 miles one-way because I get so tired. I also worry about safety if I'm tired and I'm driving home in the dark. (However, I live in a congested state, and I realize that many people in less populous areas with wide-open roads think 150 miles is nothing.) I like Charlotte's suggestion about visiting less often and staying overnight. Also, is there anyone who lives near your husband who could visit him and report back to you?
I think your well-being and safety are the most important things, so don't tire yourself out.
If you're planning to make that trip in one day, you may want to wait a little longer if it was your right hip that was replaced. I agree with Charlotte about the overnight stay if feasible. As long as your husband is being well cared for, I wouldn't worry about making too many trips right now. Good luck
Is there any possibility you could take a train or bus to see him? That might make it a little easier to manage until you have fully recovered from the surgery.
I am having the very same problem. Mentally my husband is only suffering a little. He had a major stroke and was taken to a rehab hospital 36 miles away. He is confused right now about exactly where he is and why. Can't feed himself and says they won't feed him and just sit and laugh at him. I have tried to explain it to him, but he resists reason. I ,now I can't go every day-----just another bump in the alz. road.
Before I had surgery, I went to see him once a week. It has been since July 30th since I have been there. I am anxious to see him but not sure if I'm physically ready. I took 150 mile trip on Mon and I was OK Where I live there are no trains or buses. It's my left hip so that is a plus. I think I'll try to go on Friday. There are some things I need to make sure they have followed upon from my last phone conversation. Thank you Amber for your input on when DH doesn't know us anymore. It still is what I need to be able to see him. Thanks everyone for advice.
I am in a similar situation. I had to look at the author of your message as I thought I had written and didn't remember doing it...it is so close to our situation. He is in NH an hour and a half away and I have difficulty driving and there is no other way to get there nor anyone to take me. While he seems to know me, his attention span is very short and seems to be pleased he has company, but takes off in his wheelchair several times during the visit. He gets very involved in the other residents' business and not interested in visiting me and doesn't care anymore if I leave. I call him on the phone, but most times he can't talk, doesn't want to or doesn't make sense. On a good day, I can get him to sing nursery songs with me, which is what he does best. I have times of feeling guilty, but then remember the years of pure hell of taking care of him and feel a little better. BUT, it is lonely missing HIM, the man I married.i am trying to make a new life for myself, but we have been married almost fifty years and it has always been WE, now it is just me. I struggle with what is the number of visits that I want to make. So far, the weather has been the deciding factor. Right now, it is about every two weeks. But, I am fortunate in that my daughter is an RN and is the supervisor of his dementia unit and has daily observation and care for him. This is an difficult disease. I don't think there is a "right" answer. Just what works for YOU. Take care and thank you for sharing. It helps me accept my situation.