Don't sweat the small stuff but I did it again confused the situation by not keeping my mouth shut. Most mornings we usually have fruit, yogurt and probably cereal. I create a small fruit plate then we put the fruit and yogurt on our cereal and away we go. Lately I have doing this process for Lisa as she gets a bit confused how to do it. Well this morning I put everything out she sat down then proceeded to add everything to the fruit plate. Now tell me does this really matter? Of course not but I had to open my mouth and try to correct. That then just reinforces to her that she cannot do anything, agitation sets in and There goes the rest of the morning. Then of course I feel bad and beat myself up over it, why did I have to do that, I knew it as soon as I opened my mouth.
I think it is just hard to try and do the right thing all of the time.
Of course it is---how could anybody do the right thing all the time? Rona, you are beating yourself up too much. Next time just scrape the food into your two bowls as if this is normal-normal, and go ahead and eat your breakfast. Or prep the two meals at the kitchen counter and just give her her plate or bowl all ready to eat. It is hard to realize sometimes that they are losing their capabilities...sometimes we do make the mis-judgement of just expecting them to do it the way they always did...we forget that they are deteriorating...and sometimes it is so slow and gradual that we don't pick up on it until we see them make an unexpected mistake...and we speak too quickly without thinking.
Nobody can be all lovely and perfect all the time. And anybody who can act like they're perfect all the time is doing just that...acting.
Thanks Elizabeth I know I think right now there is just not much left in the tank and posting here just gives me a chance to vent just let it out. I have been preping her breakfast for her, know that is what I now need to do but just missed this one. I am over it not dwelling just venting. Your Feedback is always good and appreciated.
I was a secondary school principal and one of my strong points was the ability to defuse situations and solve issues. But that is totally different isn't it. I could go home at the end of the day sit down with Lisa we could have a glass of wine and go through our day. Well there is no going home is there, there is no more going through my frustrations with Lisa. This is 24-7 as we know, this is our life.
This site gives me somebody else to talk to, someone who understands. I know I not perfect, I know I am doing the best that I can, and I know I will get through this journey.
Rona, You are doing a great job--it took me literally years to get in the habit of not correcting him. We think that if we correct them they will learn to do it right but of course that is not the case. I hope you are getting some more help with her and perhaps thinking about a respite so you can take a needed vacation. I know the first time I did a respite it was so hard but I did and actually went out of state on a vacation. It helped.
Rona, Venting is a big reason why many of us are here.
In the past, I was totally relaxed and open with my husband. Now I am like an actor reciting a script. Early on in the disease, I learned not to correct him because it made him feel stupid. So when he did something wrong, I would ignore it, or if that would not work, I would pretend I was the one who had made a mistake. Once I came home and found he had emptied the contents of many kitchen cabinets into laundry baskets - plates, cups, glassware, casserole dishes, etc. l He greeted me by saying, "It was a big job but I'm almost done." By then I had learned my lesson so I praised him for the work he had done and suggested that he relax in front of the TV while I finished the job. As I have said before, we have to deny reality so often, it's a wonder that we are not all stark raving mad.
P.S. I think that another member on this site is a former school principal. Trying to remember who . . .
Just want to let you know that I've been following you through all this and I think you're doing an excellent job in caring for your dear Lisa. You're recognizing and analyzing your mistakes and that's the way we learn.
Your journey is so similar to my own and now that mine is over, I look back upon it as a valuable learning experience.
Rona, I spent a lot of time correcting, "suggesting", fixing.....notice I said SPENT, past tense! It's useless to do that, but I guess I was a slow learner. I still have moments where I believe he is still teachable, but then in my head comes a voice "no. He is no longer teachable"....(uh-oh, I'm hearing voices!)
I still have a problem when to me it seems that he is doing something just to be obstinate. Like today, we went for a ride in the country, I took water for both of us. He just doesn't drink enough fluids (& it's hotter than blazes today), but could I convince him of that? NO! When we got home, I "advised" him once again to drink some water & put the container on the counter right in front of him. He reached for another cup & drank tap water right from the faucet! I guess he was going to show me!! Do I feel guilty? Not anymore.....(maybe a little PO'd!)