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    • CommentAuthorAdmin
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2015
    Good Afternoon Everyone,

    I invite you to log onto the home page - - and read my new blog. It explains what I have been going through lately and a change I will be bringing to the website that I hope will benefit everyone.

    Joan-I read your blog and as usual it is so well written.I hope the changes you are making will help you as well as others.
    • CommentAuthorElaine K
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2015
    Joan -- as I read your blog today, I realized that you are nothing short of amazing. You have faced every aspect of this disease with bravery and total honesty. How I wish I could be as brave as you are. I just feel numb and dejected most of the time. Thank you for continuing to help all of us as you help yourself.
    Joan, I think your idea is a good one. It will help those of us who are going through bereavement, and for those who aren't yet at that stage...they can pass it by.
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2015
    Something I have learned in my journey. Grief and mourning (two different things BTW) are strange animals. We are rarely prepared for a significant loss when it occurs. Not by our parents and not by society.
    Another important point is that only those who have experienced it, will get it. Just like with AD!

    Just like with AD much of the suggestions and discussions for navigating this grief state will fall on deaf ears until they are needed.
    Separating, living with AD from grieving after AD, is an appropriate presentation for the site.

    you know my experience and I can tell you from where I am now that there IS eventually a return to a NEW NORMAL. The pain DOES lessen. The grief attacks will be come less frequent and you WILL become functional again, but it takes WORK. It takes a real effort to create a new you, to live as a 'single' person, to rebuild your life with activities and interests that are of you, from you and for only you.

    But it it does take time!
    If any person or counselor tries to tell you that it should be all better in 6-12 weeks, walk away they do not understand loss.

    Joan, in my (excellently run) grief group we have facilitators who are 5-6 years post loss who are still working things out. They are functional and you might not see they loss openly but they are still working things out.
    My group is divided into smaller discussion groups of people who have lost parents, those who have lost children and those who had lost spouses. Our leader tells us that LOSS OF SPOUSE IS THE HARDEST.

    Joan, take the time, you need the time, but know that it will get better in time too . .
    Living with ALZ for 14 years made me stronger than I realized. It changes us.
    Joan, you have already begun your journey to single hood one small step at a time. I agree with m-mman* that transforming oneself after the passing of a spouse is indeed probably one of the most difficult tasks because we have lived with them for so long. I had a friend tell me that transformation afterwards can take oftentime up to 5 or 6 years!! I took a deep breath after hearing that. The new normal will indeed be new and will probably not resemble in any way the old normal. As Vicki* has stated it changes us. I am no longer the same person and discovering the new person is still very much a work in progress and because I have changed it will affect those who are closest to me namely my children. They have never seen me other than this caregiver person first to them and then to their father. God bless and know you are not alone.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeAug 13th 2015

    Arms around you for all you have gone through, and all you are going through now. Each step of this journey is difficult, and you have battled through all of them.

    I think you idea is a good one. You have so much to offer those of us who are still in the trenches and we look forward to blogs you write in the future. Those of us who have been on the site for awhile will also be interested in reading your journal, as we have read your story in your blogs - you have shared so much I feel as if I know you personally.
    • CommentAuthorAmber
    • CommentTimeAug 13th 2015
    Though times but you know how strong you are and you are a survivor.

    I sure hope in time you take your blogs and get them published. They are one of the best teaching material about this disease I have read.

    Plus you have material for several more books from this web site which I hope you will compile and get them published too.
    • CommentAuthorAdmin
    • CommentTimeAug 13th 2015
    Thank you, Amber. Yes, I have always planned to have the blogs edited and published as a book.

    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeAug 14th 2015 edited
    "A Grief So Deep It Won't Die," by Paula Span. This is a very good article about the kind of grief that will not go away. (The comments are also interesting.) I'm not sure where to put it, but this thread seems as good a place as any.

    I'm having trouble posting the link, but you can access the article easily by going to the New York Times website (, clicking on the "Health" section, and then on the article.
    Thank you sincerely Joan for your honest and raw sharing of your grief. As others have written, all you do is wonderful. I am very glad to see you will publish your blogs. I have said many times I don't know how I would have survived without you and everyone else here. We are the only ones who get it.

    I look forward to reading anything you post. Like Joan wrote, I feel as if I know you personally and are a cherished friend.