I sitting here looking at my DH. He looks the picture of health. Yet all he can do is feed himself,after I cut meat and prep his plate. He is able to walk, has a little trouble getting up from chair. That's about it for can dos! I deal with the rest, bathing, incontinence, housework , Yardwork, cooking, shopping, etc, you get the picture! I m just curious how many of you are in this same predicament? How many of you have a healthy spouse, except for the mind thing?
To people who do not know him, my DH appears perfectly healthy.
His only medical problem, according to his PCP, is his dementia. All of his blood work comes back as normal. No diabetes, no high blood pressure, no underlying diseases of any kind. He does have cataracts and glaucoma. He walks with assistance (cane or walker) and has difficulty getting up from a chair. This is partly due to the dementia and balance issues, and partly due to a hip replacement he had a few years ago. He's been incontinent for most of the last couple of years but can pretty much still bathe himself, although he may need help getting out of the tub. He can still feed himself, but he is beginning to have difficulty with utensils. And he still has his great sense of humor, and can come back with a quip which would be enough to fool a casual observer as to his cognitive abilities.
I've been dealing with the housework, yard work, cooking, shopping, bill paying, etc for years.
I placed him in a home at the beginning of June. He was beginning to wander and care giving was taking its toll on me. He does function at a higher level than some of the other residents. But he is easily confused, and needs assistance in dressing himself, The home he is in is fully secured. So I know he is safe.
Mine too - physically healthy just his mind is sick. He mostly sits doing word search all day with the TV going - enjoys sports, game shows or oldies that don't take a lot of memory work. He only goes for walks now if I go - otherwise he doesn't like being left behind. He will take the dog out sometimes, but not after dark. He does get his breakfast - bowl of cereal, fixes his sandwich - usually PB/jelly with little bag of chips and cookies. Dinner I have to fix and he won't wash dishes even though he says he will then goes and sits down. He does shower - only on his shower days which is when he is suppose to put clean shirt and shorts/pants on but doesn't unless I tell him. He never use to wear his underwear to bed but is now so unless I catch him in the morning he will not change them.
I do and have done for a most of our marriage the bills, shopping, laundry, cleaning -thank goodness I only have a motorhome to clean vs a big house. He won't wash the car or MH when I tell him unless I start then he gets involved. Of course I have all the maintenance of the MH to do but thankfully the park takes care of the yard work except for my flowers.
I think probably half of us have spouses healthy as a horse except for their mind which makes this disease even more frustrating.
My guy is physically quite fit. One thing he does is to always walk around the halls counter clock. He just can't walk clockwise. As you likely read in one of my other posts, he is sometimes quite atriculate other times he has trouble putting words together. He is also quite slow walking and shuffles a bit more now. He can get quite nasty and controlling. I am moving again, this time to a single story home in an adult community with a club house. He would really love to move with me but he would be fighting with everyone. I just can't do the stairs and the snow removal is really concerning me. Last week he was asking me if I wanted a divorce, this week he wants to move to this new seniors place with me. Not going to happen. I have often wandered if some divorces at this age or earlier, like 50's or so have been because of EOAD or an other dementia.
My husband had some physical issues that were serious but fixable. It was the dementia that made life so miserable. I said for years that life would be a lot easier once he could no longer walk and do things...kind of like with a two-year-old, you had to watch him...but unlike a two-year-old, you couldn't make him stop doing what he was doing...or at least it was difficult to make him stop. Things like cutting down all the flowering shrubs while I was at work, because "they looked messy." Once he got bad enough to need an aide, it was actually easier in a way. (Although a lot more expensive!)
If it weren't for this site and the FTDSupportForum, I would still be thinking that I was the problem, and life would be miserable. My DH has some chronic health issues, but they are controlled with medication. I needed the encouragement of your stories to step up to the plate and take responsibility. I still worry that I am "enabling" behavior, but I know that's not what's happening. Since I've become aware, we haven't had any crisis issues and he has become much easier to live with, but it's because I'm "managing" the situation, and he seems grateful. It is still a zig-zagging roller coaster though. He is basically competent and I do not think he could be diagnosed at this time.
CarolT, I feel exactly the same way. Mine is healthy, but with many health issues. Does that even make sense. I feel like I could deal with one OR the other but not both. Don't you think it is easier to "enable" than to try and so otherwise? My kids say I make him weak, because I wait on it. I just do the easiest thing. He sleeps so much of the time, and that is the easiest time.
Bobbie, Yes, I think enable/managing/coping is the easiest way. I see no alternative. This does not make our DHs weak. I'm sorry you do not have the support of your kids. It is easier for them to think that we could make a difference which we can't.
Bobbie your kids sound like mine. I try not to argue with him, I just say do whatever you like. I do this because it is easier then arguing with someone who has any dementia. Our kids don't walk in our shoes. If they did they would get a big shock. Just try to do what ever is easier for you and safe for you.
Bad , I checked out nsg home last week. 60000 a yr, and all he will get is 2. Showers a week I have to furnish depends! I doubt he will ever go. 60000 dollars!
Jazzy, I know we had a lot of problems before he was diagnosed. We talked about divorce. That is the subject of another thread on this site. It is very common!
KY caregiver. The care center here is about 6000 a month, for a private room and I think you supply most everything. The last time he had to go for 3 weeks, he had a room mate and they fought (mouthed) constantly and he hated it. But if I had to try and run a care center, I'de be way higher than that!!!