I know this sounds heartless but financially wonder if a divorce makes sense. We have money saved but our financial plan never included retiring so early. I will and want to give him the best care possible. That could very well leave me broke. No LTC insurance. This could go on for yrs. I love him and don't even know ifi old follow thru. Catholic guilt included
Be careful about this, and consult a lawyer who understands Medicaid in the area you live. In some states they frown on "Medicaid divorces", and go after the spouse's money anyway, if they can make a case that you divorced your spouse because you refused to take financial responsibility for the medical costs. Another thing to consider is "spousal refusal." You stay married, but simply refuse to spend all your money for medical care, or refuse to spend down to Medicaid income limits. I believe that how much you can get away with depends to some extent on where you live. Medicaid regs. can be (and are) interpreted differently even county to county within the same state.
Getting the care for the Alzheimers spouse without impoverishing the well spouse is a huge and difficult issue. Again, plan early and do it with the help of a good eldercare/estate planning kind of attorney. If you're rich it doesn't matter…because you can pay. If you're low-income/few assets it doesn't matter…because Medicaid will pay. But if you're in the middle-class or working-class black hole that many of us are in…it is a big, scary, dangerous issue. And no, I'm not being overly dramatic.
There are ones that do. We had a lady here a few years ago that divorced her husband. A lot depends on the state laws whether they let you divorce a spouse diagnosed with dementia. They want to make sure you are not taking all the money leaving the ill party a ward of the state destitute. Sometimes I think they would rather the surviving spouse be broke and homeless! If your spouse has to use Medicaid later, they will want to make sure you did not take the money and run!
Best advice, is consult a divorce attorney. Also, be aware that you will probably not be your ex-spouse's guardian so won't have any say in the care. The court will appoint someone.
If you do divorce you need a plan. In most states if you divorce but continue to live together Medicaid will likely consider you to be married (one woman from the midwest said her eldercare attorney said that divorcing and living together to care for him would be OK). And there is the concern that a spouse is trying to avoid using any of the assets to pay for care. I know of one person who is divorcing and his wife said she should keep the house since he has dementia and will lose all of the money anyway.
I most states if you have less than $100,000 (not counting house or car) it shouldn't make a difference, you are under the amount you are allowed to keep as a well spouse. Sometimes a trust is a solution (my lawyer said that lower costs trusts are now available but my mortgage will help protect my assets). Converting an IRA or 401K to an annuity in just your name is another possibility but poses its own risks.
Also, you can't assume that you will be his guardian if divorced, your ability to make caring decisions on his behalf may be restricted.
It comes down to consulting with an eldercare attorney. I wouldn't expect a divorce attorney to know the details of Medicaid, which change every year.
Divorce isn't necessary if you get a Certified Elder Law attorney with years of experience in the State in which you live. It is VERY important that you get the best, well qualified attorney who is an expert in Medicaid law. There are many things that can be done to protect your assets, and the sooner the better. Don't go to an attorney who says, "Oh, yes, our firm does that work". Research thoroughly and make sure you get one who is certified and top notch in his/her field. The sooner the better, as Medicaid has a five year "look back" policy. That means they can look at your finances for the last five years to look for evidence that you "gifted" money to children in an effort to hide it. There are plenty of legal ways to protect your money. In Florida, there is no penalty for transferring money and property from spouse to spouse, so everything is usually put in the "well spouse's" name.
I agree it is a very good idea to consult an eldercare attorney. The earlier you can plan, the better, especially while your husband is still in the early stages. You should explore all open options. Once your husband can no longer demonstrate he is competent or sign his name, it will be more difficult. I bring a little different perspective because I am the caregiver for my ex-husband. He was diagnosed with AD at 50. We are now both 61. We were divorced a few years before he was dx. After he was dx, he moved back in with me. While he was still in these early stages, we went to an eldercare attorney. DH was able to appoint me as his agent and sign the Durable Power of Attorney doc. He was also able to appoint me as his representative for his Medical Power of Attorney also. With these docs in hand, I have encountered only a couple problems thus far. 1) Social security does not recognize the DPOA, so a person needs to be able to sign SS’s form for appointing a representative. 2) Some brokerage firms will not accept a DPOA. They want their own form signed by the account owner and notarized. There may be others, but these are the only ones that come to mind. If you still work, one drawback of being divorced may be health insurance through your employer. Some employers will not cover domestic partners. I still work, and my employer allows domestic partners to be on the health plan. Even though DH is covered by Medicare, my insurance is like Cadillac coverage esp. with the cost of all of his meds. This is a long post, but I hope my experience may help you. I have learned a lot on this site. It is a long road for a lot of us. However, the knowledge, experiences and support shared here has lightened my load.
I know someone who divorced so her husband could get into the veterans home, and still watches after him. I thought about it, particularly when I was shocked to learn that my prenuptial agreement wouldn't protect my small inheritance. But there is no one but me to take any responsibility for him. My husband has a form of Parkinson's and declined physically more quickly than mentally. It reached a point where I couldn't care for him at home yet everyone (but me) thought he was still cognitively ok. It was only by committing my money to a private room in a nursing home that doesn't take Medicaid that I was able to get him to agree to go.
Not much new info to add other than when I looked into divorcing my husband shortly after his diagnosis I was advised in NJ I would be considered Medicaid fraud if I continued to live with him, care for him and make any medical/financial decisions on his behalf. The courts would probably appoint a guardian (not me) to look out for his interests and supervise his care and finances. Any involvement by me after the divorce would most likely mean Medicaid would come after my assets from the divorce for his care. Like pamsc (and others) I too have a small inheritence from my family which has never been a comingled asset and was told there was no way to protect it
Best advice, seek counsel from both a elderlaw attorney and divorce attorney.
Yeah, not to belabor the point, but just work with good attorneys who understand elderlaw/estate planning/Medicaid issues. I found out I had no way to protect my retirement accounts...if we had gotten to the point of applying for Medicaid, I would have lost all that. Financial mistakes that I made...mainly, not setting up an Asset Preservation Trust ( a "Medicaid" trust)...when I could have and should have...because I didn't feel right about "grabbing" the money when Larry and I had always shared and shared alike...were just dumb, dumb, dumb. And getting panicky and using a big blob of money to buy DD a nice house outright (cash deal)...because I was afraid if I got a back injury and couldn't provide the care anymore...and had to place him...the government would get everything and my family nothing...was also stupid. I should have kept the money and let the chips fall...but I was exhausted and strung out with no sleep, and every bone in my body was hurting from all those difficult transfers. I figured even if I had to take penalties for unapproved transfers, my family would have ended up with something. Well, that was lovely of me, but it was naive and really not necessary to be so generous. It was a little bit like letting myself be scammed (I mean, I scammed myself...if that makes any sense), because I was too tired, lonely, physically run down...to make good financial decisions.
I'm still OK, but not nearly as flexible as I was before. So my advice is this: Make the best financial plans that you can as early as you can, and be cold-eyed and sensible in protecting your own financial interests. There's nothing "grabby" about it. The Alzheimers patient is only going to go downhill, and you have to take care of yourself financially in order to care for your spouse and make sure you can stay afloat financially later on. When things start to get dire is not the time to start planning. You won't have time, you'll be too worn out and stressed, and it will be hard to leave your spouse to go out and do all the legwork you have to do. I just can't stress enough how important this is. I worked in "the system" for years, understood the issues very well...and still did dumb things. Alzheimers will do you in...but we know that.