I just want to extend my heartfelt thanks to all of you for your message board posts, Facebook posts, cards, and letters of condolences and support. It has meant the world to me. I am taking this week to try to put myself back together enough to hopefully function a little better next week. I am doing one important thing a day ( mostly related to finances, social security, Medicare, and all that business stuff), and then just resting. If I try to think too much or do too much, I get very confused and disoriented. When I am better, I will be doing a lot of writing, but not yet.
Thank you also to everyone who so generously donated to pay the website bills. Everything - hosting fees, domain name, certification, email account - is now paid up for another year. Something else to renew is coming up in July and September, but there is enough money in the account to cover it. Thank you again.
Yes, after a 12 year long nightmare of incalculable devastation, I have earned my star*. In case you are wondering why it does not appear after the name "Admin", it is because mine is an Administrator account, and I can't change or add to the name, so I will just add the star after my signature of joang*.
For now, I need to rest and process all that has happened. Therefore, you won't be hearing much from me until at least next week or the week after, but I want you to know that you are always in my thoughts, and I am forever grateful for all of you. Especially Bluedaze*, who has been there for me every minute I needed her. She sat with me in Hospice House; she brought me goodies at home, but most generous was her volunteering to stay at my house during the service to set up for when we all returned. She put out all of the food platters ( arranged beautifully, I must add), the plates, cups, drinks, everything.
I have an appointment with my grief counselor this Friday. I'm one of the very few spouses I know who was in grief counseling for 8 months BEFORE her husband died, just trying to learn to cope with him being in the nursing home and declining so much. Damn, stinking, miserable disease. Not that any disease is good, but Alzheimer's is its own special brand of Hell.
Oh, and FYI - I finally looked at the death certificate. The Hospice doctor wrote - "end stage Alzheimer's Disease". Because of Sid's heart problems, I thought that is what they were going to list as cause of death, but nope, Alzheimer's for sure. Read that, Congress - Alzheimer's Disease is 100% FATAL. And no amount of blueberries or crossword puzzles are going to prevent you from getting it.
Good to hear from you. I did like you are doing, a little at a time. And I can say, it does get better. I have many more good days than bad, now. I still have my moments but I can get through them. I guess, I just want to say, don't give up.
Thank you for checking in Joan. You are still in my thoughts and I send you many blessings. I think that is what life after is like, just as you said,"put back together"(and able to function) but yet never completely whole again, only patched up just like a broken ornament. Thank you to you, bluedaze* for being such a good and kind person. cassie*
Thanks Joan for letting us know what is going on. Although I do not post often, I want to let you know this site is saving my life. I am very grateful for all you share.
Joan, I just checked onto the site and saw that Sid had passed away. I am so sorry for your loss. You did a great job on your telling about your life together. Made me cry and my throat hurt to read it. It was very touching.