My nephew, whose daughter is a friend of a good friend of the Goldberg family sent him this Facebook link and he in turn sent it to me.
Dave Goldberg died while on vacation in Mexico in a fluke accident where he fell while on a treadmill and hit his head, cracked it open. His wife, Sheryl Sandberg who is coo of Facebook and mom to two boys is now picking up the pieces.
She posted this touching and heartfelt message and I'm thinking some of you here may like to read it.
Thank you for posting this, George. I read her FB post earlier today and was extremely touched by it. What particularly impressed me was her acknowledgement that no one knows, including her pre-widow self, what another person goes through when experiencing grief. Also insightful was her thoughts on what to say to a grieving widow - that "it's going to be all right" is not always the best choice of words. I urge everyone to read her post.
It's a well-written essay on the emotionally complicated work of living in grief while...living. A friend outside of the Alz world posted it a few days ago, and I shared, finding it relevant to what Alz spouses must do.
I was taken by many of her points and observations, and she winds up by referencing how she's now making choices to live for herself and her children, and calling it "Plan B," all the while protesting that what she really wants is Plan A...but acknowledging that it's gone. So she'll now make Plan B the best, most fully lived, plan she can muster.
When I was about 18, my best friend's father died of esophageal cancer. He was 42 years old and left 7 children. My friend was the oldest and the youngest (twins) were probably about 3 or 4. They were not financially well-off. My friend's mother (a shy, quiet woman) did not drive and had never worked outside the home. I remember how frightened she was the day after the funeral when my friend drove her downtown to meet with the life insurance agent. I don't think she had ever been in a business office before. I don't know how she did it, but my friend's mother learned to drive, raised her children, and sent most of them to college on scholarships. I guess that was her Plan B.
EDITED TO ADD: In thinking about this event in relation to Sheryl Sandberg's grief, I realize that I was not privy to my friend's mother's grief. For months after the death, I helped around their house, doing errands and taking care of the younger children, but I don't remember anything about the widow's grief. I don't know if the reason I was insulated from her grief was that people did not talk about emotions as much as they do now or that older people did not share their feelings with young people.