I love June - the weather is warm without being hot, the lake is still relatively quiet, the flowers in the garden are in bloom.
And I got out for 9 holes of golf yesterday -one of the things I had to give up because of my care giving responsibilities. Its going to take some time to get back to where I was, and where I feel confident enough to play with someone, but my son gave me a back pack style golf bag, and I am enjoying going out and practicing with a few clubs, walking the course (exercise) and trying to improve my game.
Even the mosquitoes and blackflies were not too much to deal with!
I am getting up earlier--6 or 6:30-- to sit on the screened porch, have coffee, play a couple hands of solitaire before the day starts to catch me--I love the screened porch in the warmer weather. Cool but not chilly as the sun rises higher in the East--birds singing and flying around, chipmunks and squirrels scurrying…good Lord, I sound like Snow White in a Disney movie.
Before bed, I go out in the yard on clear nights and look for stars, planets, and constellations. The Big Dipper is obvious, and I found Arcturus two nights ago. There is a lot of light pollution from the town…aggravating... and a streetlight that is great for security but very badly-placed for my stargazing. It is fun to identify what is "up" though, at least as much as I can. The western horizon is very blocked by trees in the park, but I'm hardly going to complain about that.
It calms me down to feel in tune with nature. And Larry is out there somewhere…or up there…or around here. : D Love you, babe.
I'm with you, elizabeth*. My dogs are great companions, but they also make sure I get up in the morning and go outside to feel the dew and smell the morning and stargaze at night before we go to bed. The dogs don't allow me to say, "I will go out tomorrow" and that is very good. The sun, the air, the amazing flora and fauna springing to life is too good to miss and makes me feel better - so why is it so hard to go outside unless I have a reason? Does anyone else feel like depression has a stronger magnetic pull than happiness (or just feeling good)?
I get a daily email letting me know when the space station will be going over. Last night I remembered, went out for a walk and saw it. Usually it is 11 or later but last night it was at 9:44. Venus and Nupiter are really visible too.
Heating up to 100+ this weekend. Not ready for the hot weather yet but don't think the weather cares!
In cities binoculars are good for seeing a lot more stars. I hook up my camera tripod to the binos and aim it where I think the moon will pass through and then wait to see how close I got. The moon never stops moving (which it actually doesn't obviously) and looking at a couple of stars and then watching a crisp (focus the moon before doing this) and sun lit moon move silently through the view is impressive. I can see individual craters well defined with 10x50's. Good opera glasses work too and are lightweight.
If you can find the big dipper you can find the north star which is a direct line up along the edge of the 'pot'. It's a couple of inches away and is an unimpressive but visible star kind of by itself. Look at it early at night and then look at it just before bed. The dipper will have rotated but that star is the axis (from our point of view only) that everything else spins around. That's not the north star for long because among several movements the axis of the earth moves around over 23,000 years. There's also the fact that the north pole star and magnetic north don't coincide either because magentic north is determined by the molten iron core.
Magnetic north is related to the Hawaiian Islands, Iceland, and Yellowstone - all of which sit on some of the hot spots in the molten iron core. The next Hawaiian island is coming up as almost a map of that hot spot moving slowly in the molten core.
The second or third star in the big dipper is actually an apparent double and for a long time that was one of the tests for a keen eye. With 10x50 binoculars steadied by something you can see the moons of Jupiter quite clearly where numerous free sites tell you which moons are where around that mini solar system on any given night. Jupiter by the way isn't far short of the mass it would have taken to fire up in which case Sol would be a double star.
Also this is a time to see Mercury. Just before dawn which around here is about 5:30 now, look just above the horizon where the sun is going to rise. It's not bright at all but it can be spotted. It never rises much before the sun glares it out because of course it's so close to it. Many people know all this but just in case.
Whenever I feel like my problems are too large, I spend time thinking about this universe I'm in and maybe look at a few Hubble pictures to remind myself how beautiful and utterly beyond my little concerns it all is.
....
Marche, I think depression is a diagnosible mental condition and if we have it, it absolutely has a stronger magnetic pull than the quite personal meaning of happiness. I don't know that everyone here gets depression but I do think everyone is more depressed more often than normal people while the feeling of happiness would probably be less common at the same time. I never found any kind of balance while I was the active caregiver or while she was in a NH.
Charlotte, Until I read your posts and realized that you lived in Washington State, I had no idea that region got so hot in the summer. Is Eastern Washington considered to be a desert area?
One of the advantages of living where I do is that there is very little light pollution. When Halley Bop? the comet came near to earth, a few years ago, it was easy for us to see it, and its twin tail, with the naked eye. My DH and I found a double star many, many years ago, and I look for it whenever I get a chance to look at the night sky. Its not the same one you mention, Wolf, as this is in the south eastern sky, but almost overhead in summer months.
Yes, the eastern side is desert and where I live is the hottest area in the state. With very little irrigation water I hope the orchards and vineyards survive without loss of trees or vines.
Today is to be hotter than yesterday - tomorrow even hotter. Oh well.
Received a call the other day about a place coming up in some senior (over 62 or disabled) duplexes about 2 miles from where we are. I decided with a dog now apartment building would not do. The duplexes have a front door, back door with small patio, are one bedroom with a galley kitchen. The frig is an apartment frig - about twice the size of our current one. Would have liked a regular but it will due. The rent includes water, sewer, garbage and electric. They all have heat pumps but only one outlet in each apartment - in the livingroom. Not sure how good that will work on cooling the bedroom or bathroom (have to go through the bedroom to get to the bathroom) but will see. In winter I can always put a space heater in the bedroom if needed. I have only seen pictures of it but hope to be able to go in next week sometime when the current tenant moves out. I had to laugh - she is moving into a motorhome with her boyfriend to do workamping, we are moving out of a motorhome!
As normal, mixed feelings on moving but trying to focus on the positives. 10 years in the MH is a long time living where we enjoy. Every time we moved it was either cause he changed jobs or to give our son a new chance at school - he would always act up and make enemies of everyone. This is another move because of hb. He doesn't want to leave the RV park and neither do I. I often wonder if is would be necessary - maybe he would be placed before I need to help him with showering and toileting - the only reasons I am doing this move. I guess a part of me thinks even if he needed help which I can't give him in the MH, I still would not be able to place him. Anyway, once they are done doing the background and financial checks, lease is signed and deposits paid (this is the hard part) then I will work more on what needs to be done to move in. We will basically camp out for a while. We have my desk, swivel rocker, his recliner, two lawn chairs, three white folding tables left over from our vendor days, and a mattress. Tables will be used for TV, probably one to stack clothes on until I find dressers I can afford. There is only room for a small round kitchen table but until I find one we will do like now - eat in our chairs watching TV.
Negative: he won't be able to go walking (which he doesn't do much of anymore) without me. The complex is made of duplexes in quad format so your front door opens to a common area yard. Will be interesting.
I would consider placement instead of moving. While some things will be easier in an apartment you may find some physical assistance to be too hard on you. Or resentment may grow in making a move you don't want.
On the financial spreadsheet, you need to figure out future costs for the RV. I don't know how long they last (I certainly see old ones on the road but I don't know how much maintenance costs grow as they get older). I am confident that you are familiar with these issues.
Charlotte, I was advised from the get go not to move because of the stress & confusion for Dan (to say nothing of myself!!). If it wasn't for our son doing the yard work right now, we'd be living in a jungle - I think I would move, but I really don't think Dan could handle it.
He's at about stage 5, I think. I've read about a number of people who have moved after diagnosis, but are they in an earlier stage or what? He's is such a home body, I can't imagine him being able to deal with it.
Do you think your hubs will be able to handle it? Just curious...
Hi Charlotte, Mim has a good point about disrupting your husband but you have so many other practical concerns that you may not have much choice. Here are some things I was wondering about.
It’s got to be hard to give up, even temporarily, the hope of exploring the world in the MH. If you did move into the duplex, would you be able to store the MH or would you have to sell it?
So much of your decision-making hinges on when Medicaid will agree to pay for LTC for your husband. It sounds like you think it may be quite some time. Is there a way you can find out from a social worker exactly what Medicaid requires before allowing someone to place their spouse?
Since you live in a desert climate and the only source of AC in the duplex is in the living room, how you would cool the bedroom? Would the landlord have a problem with your putting a window AC unit in the bedroom?
Would moving into the duplex make it easier or harder for you to manage your dog?
Good questions. I will store the MH and hope at a later date I can afford to live in it. From what I found out my SS, even if I draw off his, would be half what he gets now. I need to go down to the SS office and verify that. I have delayed even taking it, even though we good use the extra funds, because I would loose my Medicaid. The cost of living there will be about $50 more a month if I get both internet and cable - a must.
If he starts to wander like his dad and sister did, I think that would be enough to place him since in the MH or even in a rental I could not change the locks on it. But, yes, I need to add having a meeting with my case manager at Aging Long Term about that.
No, we can't put a window a/c in, or do not think we can. I assume you just have to keep the livingroom cooler to get the bedroom cool.
As for Mh maintenance it is 15 years old. Things are bound to start going wrong. I use to carry extended warranty but let it go last year. I was paying $800+ a year and like it seems with most, whatever goes wrong they don't cover or after the deductible they end up paying$20! I also have visions that if I shut it up and store it, when I move back in every thing will go wrong with it!!
If I should change my mind about the duplex, I doubt they would put us on the list at a later time. When I spoke with her after accepting to see if we could get into it after the lady leaves to get a real feel for the place, she said 'you are not going to change your mind are you because it cost me money to run the criminal background and credit check'. I told not unless it is a dump.
For the dog, the reason I like the duplex is because we walk out the door to yard, not even stairs to go down!
One concern with Medicaid is that if you are not living the the MH it could be counted as an asset you might have to sell (like a 2nd home) and spend down the proceeds. If you are living in it then it is your home and as the well spouse it would be protected. But weighing that against future costs of living in it is difficult.
I contacted medicaid and we would not have to sell it. It is not worth enough. They also said to put it in my name only just to be sure. I have yet to do it. Procrastination!
On the weather last night they said our normal for this time of year is 80. Right now it is 90, heading to 100+. Too hot but that comes with living here.
That is good news. Now that I think about it, the MH probably falls under the $100,000 limit (guessing that is the limit in Washington) of total assets you may have. Perhaps if you move out of it but run it on occasion and maintain it the MH should last longer.
Charlotte, In the summer, it might help to put a fan on the floor just inside the bedroom door to pull some of the cool air from the living room into the bedroom.
As far as warming up a cold room with a fan in the winter, I have heard two suggestions: One is to hang a door fan (a small triangular fan) in the top corner of the door between the living room to the bedroom and blow the warm air directly into the bedroom. (We did this when we heated our house with a pellet stove and I did not think it worked very well.) The other suggestion is to put a fan on the floor of the bedroom and blow cool air from the bedroom into the living room. The theory is that the cool air will displace the warm air in the living room and force it into the bedroom. (I never tried this and I don't know if it works or not.) The option you suggested -- a space heater -- is probably the most effective but the idea of using a space heater in a bedroom scares me, due to the risk of fire.
If you decide to rent this duplex, maybe some of our engineer/handyperson members can advise you on the best method of moving warm or cool air from one room to another.
myrtle's second suggestion should work because in theory hot air rises, therefore blowing the cold air close to the floor out of the bedroom will cause a countercurrent of warm air into the room. I agree that space heaters in the bedroom are scary. Have you considered an electric blanket or mattress pad or a down comforter? A cozy bed in a cool room can be very restful.
Well, until I sign papers and pay the deposit, I won't be too concerned. We do use ceramic heaters in the motor home and have never had problems.
Right now my job is to keep cool. Today it forecast 106 - made it to 101 yesterday. Suppose to be this hot until the weekend then cool down into the 90s!!
Hb now on day 9 with no galantamine and I see no difference, so he will not go back on it. One last thing to worry about. I just hope they don't autoship this month. If they do I will reject it and hope the VA doesn't still charge me for it.
Charlotte, you are getting a lot of suggestions on how you should proceed so I have a suggestion too.
Sign the papers and get DH settled in the new home. Then change your name, get in your motor home and drive, drive, drive. Drive until you can't drive any longer. Stop by the shores of some deserted lake, throw your cell phone and computer into said lake. Then build a little campfire, get a drink and put your feet up. Ahhhhh.
Yeah, when you pick up Mim, plan on coming over to my house (same town), and I'll make supper for everybody. You can park in my drive overnight--we'll have a nice walk in the park--and then I'll wave you off as you all head for that deserted lake.
Forgot to say if it's a clear night, we'll star gaze a little bit. As Wolf posted somewhere, we can look at the Big and Little Dippers, which are prominent right now. We'll find the North Star, and also take a look into the West, where Jupiter and especially Venus are looking great this month. Very "Zen", folks. Since Charlotte will have driven from Washington State, we have to help her get nice and relaxed for the next segment of the journey.
I finally made it to SS. I tried to find explanation at their online site, but it was confusing. I wanted to know what my SS benefit would be under mine and spouses. Found out mine, which I knew but I have a statement for him from 2008 stating spouses at full retirement. So this is the facts I was given: at my full retirement age (66) I can collect under him at 100% of what his is. Until then I can collect under mine which would be half what his is. If I wait on mine until 70, mine will go up 8% a year but that still would be less than under his.
Finally one thing off my bucket list that I have been procrastinating doing!
Only suppose to be 98 today - yesterday was 101. Not as bad as in the east as our humidity is only 25% or less. Pahrump, NV where we worked the summer of 2008, they have the lowest humidity in the country averaging 7%. that is dry!
We got the apartment in the duplexes for 62+ subsidized. If I go through with it, we can start moving in the 26th. Our rent in the park ends the 29th. Big problem (among others) I see is the forecast: Friday 102, Saturday 108. No way can I even imagine moving in that heat from a hot MH. We can park on the road behind our unit, but it is still probably 100 ft or more to the apartment. I am still debating. I know we probably should, but am so conflicted on it. I feel like I am going from freedom to prison when I read all the restrictions. Those who have gone from homeowners to apartment living know the change that can bring. Rules even say friends with pets can not visit with their pets. A couple of friends say we should just stay in the motorhome and fix it up like I have talked about. The hardest part about leaving the MH is the cost of moving. With deposits, cost to prepare the RV for storage and buying furniture (mostly bed and dresser for now), what little savings we have will mostly be gone.
"I feel like I am going from freedom to prison." Plus your savings will be mostly gone. Charlotte, I'm not on site, and it's not for me to say…but if in your heart you don't want to do this…why do it? It sounds like you have to rationalize it to death to even get yourself to go forward with it. Is this really a good idea? You've lived in the MH park through the winters before and it has turned out OK…I think. So do you really have to do this if you don't want to? It just seems like the "feel" isn't right for you. (Like me in the Heartland…ha,ha. I can tell you all the nice things about it here…but my heart…intuition…antennae…are all saying this isn't for me…not permanently, anyway.) Just saying.
Charlotte, You wrote earlier that the only reason you are making this move is that you think you may need to help your husband with showering and toileting, which you can't do in the MH. And you're not sure whether Medicaid would approve placing him just because he needed help with those activities. Do you think the case manager would be able to give you more information about Medicaid requires for placement?
Is it because the bathroom facilities in the MH are too small for someone (you or an aide) to assist him? I agree with Myrtle, though…you need to know the exact criteria for placement under Medicaid…and also get some idea of what the waiting lists might be. In NY they used to say you had to take the first available bed within a 50-mile radius…you couldn't just wait for the place you wanted…you had to place them (assuming the home situation wasn't tenable or safe anymore), and then stay in touch with the facility you wanted, and try to transfer them there when a bed became available.
There's got to be a better plan than you moving to a place you don't want to be. Or that you're very lukewarm about. And that situation with the heating/cooling sounds like a royal headache.
Forgot to say that if you two are in the MH and you find that all of a sudden he can't shower or toilet and you can't help him…nor can an aide...well, that's a serious situation and might get him placed faster. I suppose they would tell you to do a sponge bath and get a commode/urinal for the toileting, but you could counter that by saying those aren't reasonable solutions given the small amount of space in the MH…and they need to find him a bed in a facility.
I don't know anything about Washington State and what they'll do for you when/if things go to a crisis. I would definitely talk with the case manager again regarding how quickly your husband can be placed if the MH becomes untenable. It is just bothering me a lot that you are giving up your home and making a move you don't want to do. Others on this forum (I think it was jackieM) placed their husband because the physical layout of their house made it impossible for him to live there anymore. Major renovations were not an option. (Downstairs bathroom was needed, if I remember right.) And in terms of the apartment landlady's saying the background checks cost her money, and she did not want you to cancel out…ya know what?…tough beans for her.
For what it's worth, my advice is to stay where you are. I really think you will both be miserable in that apartment. As for worrying about helping with your husband's care, I would do as Elizabeth and Myrtle suggested and see where you stand with Medicaid when this finally happens. Good luck with whatever you decide.
Charlotte, Somehow, I think this comes down to what is best for you, not what is best for your husband. although one obviously affects the other. You are the person who will be doing all the work, paying all the bills, and making all the decisions. Would living in the apartment make life easier or harder for you? In addition to the issues of finances, personal care, and placement, I think you mentioned a concern about keeping up the MH during the winter. I don't know how much work is involved in that or how physically fit you are. There may be other factors that go into your decision, too. Maybe a pro-and-con list would help to clarify your thinking. I don't know what the answer is but you seem to have a lot on your shoulders and no one to give you any on-site help. Please let us know what you decide.
I have done the pros and cons list- cons are more than pros. I also marked the ones that really matter and they are even!
I am trying to figure out if we move, how will I do it. Next weekend right now weather forecast is: Friday 101. Saturday 108, Sunday 112. Of course it keeps changing but the fact it will be hot will not change.
I think I am coming to terms with moving, but I change every day. Right now the manager will not be back until Wednesday, so I think I have until then!
Thanks for the opinions, it does help. I have more people saying to stay in the MH than move. Some are a little biased - like other RVers say to stay but they are not the ones helping but they do keep an eye on him.
I you think your husband can be placed earlier than later it might be worth risking staying in the MH, I hate to think of the costs associated with moving. But if it might be some time I think moving makes sense, having a larger and accessible bathroom (I am assuming it is accessible and has grab bars) will be important. An unfortunately the decision is out of your hands and depends on Medicaid rules.
What have his doctors said about Medicaid and NH? Are they willing, at this time, write that he is incapable of making health and financial decisions (this is usually done when action is required). This was a critical issue for me. In thinking of IRS rules, the criteria for deducting LTC costs is loss of 2 ADLs or need to provide a safe environment for someone with a terminal disease. Are Medicaid rules for paying for NH similar?
I don't know if it is legal on here or not, but perhaps we could have a little housewarming party for you. We could get you a gift certificate to a local furniture store there to help you get some of the things you need (dresser, small kitchen table etc). It would be kinda fun...like a bridal shower all over again!
I am still debating it. I am trying to figure out if I could tolerate moving in 110 degree weather. Since my surgery last year, it doesn't take much for me to get heat stroke. If you are on Facebook I posted picture of the sunset tonight. If we move, we won't be able to see them anymore as we will be in the midst of housing.
Having just moved and, yes, it was hot I survived and so will you. At 87 I could be your mother and I can tell you moving can to hard and fun at the same time. It gave me something to think about and things to do other than sitting and watching Home and Garden. Now, where did I put the sugar?
We stopped by the apartment to see if the carpet was in. She said it would be tan. It is an indoor/outdoor carpet the color of dead grass! I have lived with tan carpet for 10 1/2 years and am so tired of it - it gets dirty real fast. Spoke with the neighbor, she said to go buy a rug to throw over it - more money! She said you have to remember this is HUD funded so they won't do anymore than they have to. It is also so thin (no pad under it just glued to the concrete) I have a feeling during the winter the floor won't be any warmer than the motorhome.
Then when she found out we had very little furniture and would put the mattress on the floor until we could afford more - well she said 'you can't do that, you can go buy a frame'. I said then we would need to buy a box springs which I can't afford right now. Told her we would basically be camping out until we could afford furniture. Oh, that was an absolutely horrible idea and way to live according to her.
Not to offend you older ladies, but that seems to be a common attitude from many I meet. I didn't think much of it until I was sitting her playing mahjong - then it hit me which got me crying (fortunately hb was sleeping). I am now wondering if I would ever really fit in.
I am different, not your conventional type person. Clothing attire does not mean much to me. When I got married my mother-in-law thought t-shirts and jeans were horrible and forced me into polyester pant suits. I wear clothes until they can't be worn anymore. I like comfy clothes - I wear a lot of men's shirts because they tend to be cooler than women's blouses. Guess still a country girl. Sometimes I feel like I would fit in the hill country more than in the general population.
I try to discuss with hb but he can't remember what I say. He will repeatedly ask me the cost over there. I tell him it would be the same there as here when I add utilities in. So it will be no cheaper. In lieu of the carpet and the neighbors innocent comments, I am seriously considering staying here and work on saving more so when/if we move I can afford to buy needed furniture without depleting savings.
I've read through these comments a few times....I remember an old saying (don't know just how old, but it can still apply today) - "When in doubt, don't". I've used that phrase many times when I'm not sure of something. If it just doesn't feel right, you'll know it & it seems, to me at least, that there is a lot of uncertainty here.
Just my thoughts Charlotte. By the way, I did see your beautiful sunset on FB! Beautiful sunset are awesome - haven't seen one here for days & days!! Maybe tomorrow...
Charlotte, I'm like you. I don't fit in, either. Clothes mean little to me. When I work from home, I wear loose clothing and sneakers and when I have to dress in business clothes to go into the city, I feel like I'm in disguise. (There are more of us out there than you realize - we just don't recognize each other because we're wearing disguises.) Anyhow, don't let this shallow, unkind woman get you down. Who does she think she is, anyway? Make your decision based on what you think is best for you. If you decide to move, I'll show up for the housewarming party in a clean t-shirt and sweatpants.
The longest day of the year - if I were in pre-historic times, I would belong to whatever religion that observed this day as the holiest one of the year. In about a month from now, I will start to feel anxious and in another month, sad. It was cool and dry yesterday and I worked in the garden for about four hours. I was so stiff this morning, I could hardly move. I took my husband for a ride today over a mountain road that ended at a plant stand/hamburger/ice cream place. The "Father's Day Special" was a fresh strawberry sundae. Did you know that New Englanders eat more ice cream per capita than people in any other region of the USA?
I will make some punch...what is a shower without punch? Maybe we can even spike it a little! Charlotte, sounds like you had better be scoping out the furniture store options for us! You and your many comments here have been such an amazing source of info and support for us. Let us help you out a little. We are family and we love you!
Hey Charlotte, it sounds like you would fit in with me. I wear mostly tee's and jeans, and--oh, oh, get ready for it--have even been known to have a mattress on the floor sometimes--gasp! In fact, when the family moved to the rental in the Heartland in Dec. 2012, two of the kids slept on mattresses on the floor for 18 months.
(I'm on the same page as Mim about the apartment…do you really have to move?)
I was talking to my DIL and she said maybe it is a policy in the complex that mattresses can't be on the floor, especially since they are concrete. I didn't read anything in the rules I have, so don't know.
Myrtle, I am trying to remember where the place was my in-laws would take us for ice cream sundaes when we visited them in Mass. It had no indoor seating - all outside. The sundaes were enormous and the ice cream was delicious. I can't remember if we heading east from Wilmington or up to NH.
Well, I might have made a big mistake but I declined moving. I have really been struggling with the heat issue plus the off gassing from the new carpet and paint. We went back over the other day when the guy was doing the finally cleaning. Just sticking my head in to chat with him I got sick. The a/c has been running so you know it is in the filter.
When I talked to her today, I told her my struggle with the heat. She asked: do you want to wait until Monday? I answered: it is still going to be over 110. She had to have an answer now, so I told her no. She hung up right away.
So we stay where we are for now. I will work on de-cluttering the MH so we can maybe get more room, change the old carpet to vinyl then use throw rugs especially during the winter. A must have is a better stairway up to the door that has handrail.
Some things are meant to be. At least the MH is a known quantity. The new apartment seemed to have some worrisome issues cropping up. And you weren't enthusiastic about it…I just could not imagine going through the hassle of moving in to that place when you did not want to from the get-go. What is that old saying, "Better the Devil you know, than the one you don't…" or something like that.