I am sure that many of you have dealt with so many different things involving this disease. The latest one that I have been dealing with is my spouse's ANGER. I go to see him at the nursing home every other day. Yesterday when I got there he was fine but he slept the entire time I was there. Then when they woke him up so we could eat dinner together he became very hostile and angry and was uncooperative with the aides. Today the nurse put a call through to me saying that Jax wanted to talk to me. He starts out by saying that there are gangsters running the place and he wants me there right now to deal with them. He is angry and hostile and goes on and on about shooting up the place and he is not about to take the medicine because why should he? I very calmly told him I love him and he shouts I dont love you...you should be here taking care of your husband! These kind of outbursts simply drain me emotionally. He has just started this hostile angry outbursts in the last week. Before that he seemed to be doing pretty well. I am scared they are going to tell me they can't handle him. I am wondering if he needs more medication. I feel like all of the life is being sucked out of me. When I get home after visiting him I just want to lay down and never move again. He has always been such a kind and loving man. This anger monster is wearing me out. Does this behavior come and go? I know he doesn't understand why he is there and he is mad because he says I never come to see him! That I am lying to him when I say I have been there. I need strength! How do we get through this awful disease?
dellmc53, Sorry that you are going through this. One thing that sometimes sets off bad behavior is a uti or some other infection. Also can be a stage of the disease. Try to keep telling yourself he doesn't know what he is doing, I know it hurts so much , they forget it but you can't. There are no easy answers to any of this.
I would certainly ask that he be evaluated by the psych team. Sometimes just a change or tweak in medication will calm them down. I have been through this with Sid many times, and yes, I react the same as you. When it happens, it wears me out to the point that all I can do is lie down and listen to music.
Currently, he is on enough of two different meds that keep him relatively calm, but he still has outbursts with the staff. They know him well enough that they back off when he gets like that. I have walked in on a few of his "incidents", and they are bad enough that even I can't calm him down, and he used to listen to me. Not anymore. When their brain gets screwed up like that, you have to back away.
Hi dellmc, I agree with dorieIMI and joan, and would add that in addition testing for a UTI and looking into tweaking the drugs, the staff should investigate whether your husband is in pain. Dementia patients often do not recognize pain as such and instead of complaining about the pain, they sometimes get aggressive. After my husband started getting aggressive, the staff investigated the possibility of pain and discovered that he had a foot problem. While this toenail was being treated, he fell and broke two ribs. When they put him on a pain medication for the broken ribs, he turned back into the cheerful, easy-going guy he was before. They think something else may also be causing him pain but can't figure out what, so he is still on a low dose of the pain drug.
Thank you so much for your comments, shared experiences and advice. I went back to visit yesterday and today. He was angry today and finally after about an hour of me holding him and soothing him it subsided. I talked to the nurse about possible pain issues and also they are going to test him for a uti. He somehow has gotten it into his head that I am lying to him about some unknown that I have no clue. It is so frustrating because today he was angry at me, wanted to go see his mother and dad and asked me if they were dead. I didn't know whether to tell him yes or no so I tried to divert him. It didn't work. The nurse told me that they gave him Ativan on Saturday and Sunday because of his aggression. It calmed him down but he was also zombie like and his right hand was shaking all the time. I told her that I did NOT want him on that unless he was totally out of control. I feel so helpless in this situation and drained of the last drop of energy I have. They are giving him a pain pill now regularly plus he has a pain patch on his back. He has a catheter and I think that bothers him as well. Thanks joang for your input. It makes me sad to think that I will no longer be able to calm him down. Letting go and backing away is SO hard to do. I feel my stress level rising to the top of my head and out through my hair!!!