Yes he had another explosive evening but I'm afraid I have to support him. He went to the shared bathroom to get ready for bed and it was a mess. Dirty towels open cream tubes, diapers, gloves. Not my idea of a good worker on duty. He went down the hall and called out to the lady walking away and because her name tag was not visible, in her pocket, he called lady. When her told her about his bathroom she said not my problem it must have been the day shift. He told her he didn't care to clean it up. She said your not my boss, her replied" I pay your wages. She did clean it up. He spoke to the nurse about the situation and gave him what for over the name tag thing. He called me and had to take an Ativan as he was so upset. Guess who called the head nurse and told her to get down there and make sure he was alright. I told her if this staff member doesn't know how to speak to a dementia patient she shouldn't be there. She had Kevan and the staff write up their reports on the insident which I then forwarded to the director of care and the resident director and the family council director. It was just a few days ago when I spoke to the director of care about another incident where a nurse told him to mind his business when a patient was being ignored and her went to her and complained. The director said that was not how the nurse should have spoken to him and was going to as the team phycologist to come in and speak to the staff. Now another one. Things had settled down for awhile but now I have to go in again tomorrow and bang on desks. I just don't need this right now but maybe it will keep my mind off me.
"Not my problem, it must have been the day shift." Unbelievable--unprofessional in and of itself, not to mention that's an ineffective way to talk to a dementia client. And good for Kevan!
I agree...Good for Kevan! Sounds like all staff on all shifts need some inservices on communicating with the residents; and also on completing their duties for their shift before they leave. Unbelievable that they get away with this!
at the very worst she should have said 'it must have been the day shift but I will right in there and clean it'. The best would have been 'I am sorry, I will be right there to clean it'.
Your right, a simple " thank you for telling me. I will take care of that! I'm finding that the evening and week end staff don't seem to have the word training that is needed for Front's. Luckily the Director of care is not putting up with this behaviour and if looking in to having the memory team come in and speak to them on how to care for. Fronto's. It will help others as well. I kept him with me yesterday and we went to his special breakfast place" MacDonald's" and he was a social butterfly. He chatted with everyone around him. They were all seniors so he was comfortable. I brought him home and he was so upset because my new blinds were up but not the curtains, so up they went. He said" now it looks comfy and homey" he was really proud that he could do that for me. He is sometimes able to do little jobs like that with minimum tools. Just a drill and a screwdriver. He was so happy. I just wanted to cry. I stayed and had dinner with him and met the ward nurse that I so boldly stated the night before " If I have to go down there at night it will not be pretty" and she squeezed my fingers and was so kind. I have let the director of care know about my biopsy. I was told that it is best to keep them informed about stress items for me. I saw the PSW that he had words with and she has to be no more then 20. She really moved her butt while I was there but kept her distance. He introduced me to all the staff again but not her. Her just pointed her out. I am going back down there to talk either today or tomorrow.
Your all so supportive and I really needed that kick-ass kind of support. No wish-washy stuff!! LOL
Jazzy After dealing with the NH now for only three months I can tell you that I have had to be AGGRESSIVE when it comes to my husband's care. We had an incident last week where they pulled out his folie (accidentally) . He has complained of being in pain ever since. I told them today that I did not want him in pain PERIOD. He is supposed to get a pain pill every morning and one at night. When I questioned them about it they told me it was "as needed". Since my husband cannot walk and half the time the call button is attached to his bed and not his wheelchair...exactly how is he supposed to request pain meds, even on a good day? I let her know I wanted his pain medication to be dispensed on a regular schedule. He was on pain meds when he went into the facility. Most of the time he is unable to express that he is in pain but after living with him for 36 years I can tell immediately and I ask him the question "Are you in pain" and he can answer yes or no. How hard can this be? I check everything when I am there and I ask a lot of questions. I am SURE they hate to see me coming but I am paying several thousand dollars a month for this man's care and I expect them to take care of him!!! I don't even recognize the bi*ch I have become!!!
I am the caregiver from hell. I really don't care. Kevan is concerned that no one will talk to him if he keeps complaining and being so nasty. They better not retaliate. He is sick. I just hate this world we live in now.
I have been told that Kevan is now "to go first to the Nurse in charge then to the Ward nurse and not call me unless these steps don't work" I am to first contact the Floor nurse then the ward nurse if he doesn't get things taken care of. Don't send reports to the Directors. That is " BULLS..T. Not going to happen. They must think I just fell off the turnip truck. So nasty me went to Family Councill. That makes staff nervous. Kevan has been really good but very tired. I am off this morning to visit as I hope to run into his Doctor. How can they expect him to control his outbursts?? HE HAS FRONTO with BV!! I can see lots of run-in's with staff in my future.
Honestly, I just don't understand NH staff. We are paying large sums of money for them to care for our LO's and when the care and/or attitude falls short, we the spouse are considered "difficult" at best and "bit*hes" at worst when we stick up for our spouses. They pride themselves on the great care they provide, yet as soon as something gets difficult with our spouses care they call us to come help or fix it.
Good for you Jazzy...who cares if the staff gets nervous...if they were doing their jobs correctly they wouldn't care if you went to Family Council.
My question is how can they dictate when and for what reason Kevan is allowed to call you? Did I misunderstand what you said about them telling him not to call you about any problems unless he first discusses it with the "chain of command"?
Kevan knows to call me. I really don't care about their rules. From now on If he is upset and scared I will not call or email anyone. I'm going down there. No he forgets the RULES and just goes off at the first one he sees. That is the Fronto and they will have to realize that. If you spoke to him you would think he was healthy with no Dementia but it shows it's ugly face when he gets upset or thinks that things are not going as they should. I think they are trying to get me to leave them out of it until the report comes down from upstairs. Not going to happen!! Yes Bella. Handle it house before you call her. Your so right LFL. Blue : sometimes but not often now. His memory is going south.
From another perspective, one important thing we did was to get my wife to stop calling me. We want her to depend on the staff there. What is important is that I can trust the current staff, as her previous assisted living facility I didn't trust the staff that much. But she seem to be working herself up when she was making the frequent phone calls. I realize this may not be the case for you and your husband, but I do want to consider whether your husband is learning to depend on staff. If you don't trust the staff that is another story.
Hubby doesn't think anyone can do any job as well as he can. Very much a military NCO that was in charge. Now that is all coming back after 25 years. Until about nine years ago he was fine. Now he insist the staff follow all the rules no matter what or he reports them.
That's my boy too! They call him the Mayor of the floor. He has helped make changes. The ward nurse has told me that he has brought up a number of things that needed to be addressed and he was right in about 90% of these things. He seems to be settling down but will not allow another resident to be ignored. This disease is so unpredictable, so up and down. I just never know but I will not allow any Staff to treat him disrespectfully. That is not their job. Learn how to talk to him. Keep your frustrations in check.