I have been really down and angry and frightened the last few days. Ready to take on anyone that ticked me off. I had not idea what was causing this state until lunch today with Kevan and he said " what is wrong" then it all came out. I had a biopsy last week and I am waiting for the results. I realized that I am concerned that if it is cancer and I have to go through kemo and radiation that there will be no one to help me or just be there. I know what my friend wen through and she was alone as well and she had a terrible time. She was unable to even feed herself or get herself to the bathroom . She was so week. Last May I hurt my back and had to take care of myself and that was awful, but I expect this maybe worse because of the fear as well as the disability that goes along with the treatment. I am just praying it is not cancer. Also there is the concern for Kevan. I don't know how he will make out. He is well cared for there but it is the possible loss that will be bad for him. I guess I am just being a big baby!!
Oh, Jazzy, with all you have to worry about, now you have this, too! We will all be on tenterhooks waiting with you to find out the results of the biopsy. When will you know something? If you're comfortable sharing, keep us updated. And I wouldn't worry too much about Kevan--he is in a cocoon of care. You're the one who isn't, so focus on yourself through this nerve-wracking time. Lots of hugs are coming your way. ((((((Jazzy))))))
Jazzy You are not being a baby. You are worried about the unknown. You are acting perfectly normal. For now stay calm, and think good thoughts. Keeping you in my prayers. I fully understand how you feel. I am going in this week for a lump in my arm. I hope nothing bad, but if it is. Like the rest of us, we will find a way to make it work. I have a single friend with no family near by who has faced this type of problem many time through the years. And when the time came for help some how it all worked out.
Hi Jazzy, I sure can sympathize. I had breast cancer a year after my husband was diagnosed with AD. I had all the fears you describe but as it turned out, I only had a lumpectomy and radiation, which were not bad. I did not need chemo. My advice is to take this one step at a time. Even if the biopsy is positive, you can do a lot of this alone. If you have day-stay surgery, you'll need someone to take you to the hospital and back home. You might also want someone to make some meals for you for a day or two. If you have more invasive surgery, you might need to go into a rehab place for a while. I drove myself to doctors' appointments and radiation. If you need chemo, deal with it then. Don't assume you will be as disabled as your friend was. There are lot of different chemo cocktails and they do not all have the same side effects.
As far as Kevan goes, try not to upset him. My husband was still at home and he understood what was going on. As each treatment happened, I explained it in a confident and positive way, even though I did not feel confident and positive. I did not expect him to carry any of the emotional load but he comforted me just by being there. As a practical matter, you're in a good position because Kevan is in LTC.
Finally, you are not being a big baby. Cancer is always to be taken seriously and you are understandably worried. If that's what you have, read up on your specific type and stage of cancer and talk to others who have gone through it. You didn't say what kind of cancer this might be but if it is breast cancer, beware of the people and institutions, including the media, that will encourage you get even more upset that you already are. Resist that temptation and hang onto your good sense. You can do this if you need to, and we will be here to give you moral support.
It isn't only dementia that leaves you all alone.When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I took myself to all the treatments and I was also on my own following surgery. At least I learned how strong I could be. That was long before my husband was diagnosed. Loss of executive function can appear long before a dementia diagnosis. Jazzy-we will be here with and for you.
Jazzy, I sympathize. I'm having a bone marrow biopsy this Wednesday. Have no idea what might be wrong. White blood count has been elevated and so I will do this to try to find the reason. No symptoms of anything -other than the normal FL panhandle allergies and sinus problems, which I have never had in my life until moving here!
I will be thinking positive thoughts for you as you await the results. Take good care of you.
No results yet. I had hoped to hear this week but nothing yet. I picked up an infection in the biopsy wound and now I am on big antibiotics. It was really painfull and it is right wear the band of my pants goes around my waist. It's much better now. At least I can pull my panties up to fit and I can wear something other then my nightie. LOL
Jazzy, I am hoping your biopsy comes out fine. And if you do need cancer surgery or treatments, don't worry about Kevan. Look after yourself.
I am speaking from experience. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in August of 2013, several follow up tests in September, surgery in October and radiation treatments the following February. I did not tell my DH what was going on until I went for surgery, and then just to explain why he had to go stay in a NH. I told him I was having the surgery so that I could continue to look after him. Same scenario for the radiation treatments. He had to go to a NH for a month while I stayed with my daughter so I could be closer to the treatment center. But again, I told him I needed the treatments so that I could continue to look after him.
Now I know our situations are different in that Kevan has already been placed and functions at a higher level than my DH, but the message is the same. Don't tell Kevan anything that might upset him until you need to, and then try to find a way to put a positive spin on it.
Jazzy, I'm so glad your test came back okay. It's scary enough to deal with something like this in the best of circumstances, but when you have the responsibility for another person, it's twice as hard.
I had a scare myself this last month, with ultrasound, CT scan and biopsy. 20+ years ago when I had cancer, there was a loving husband to help me through it. (This time I told DH about the scheduled biopsy after the doctor's visit to go over the CT scan. Minutes later he had completely forgotten.) Facing something like that, and not knowing what would happen to me, but also to him, was very scary. And when you are waiting for the test results, it's almost like you do have cancer for a while, because you start going through the "what ifs" while you are waiting. I had to think about things somewhat (I'm a compulsive list maker), because I knew what little mental ability I have left would be gone instantly if the test had come back showing cancer. Actually, I'm saving some of those lists, because it reminded me that an emergency could come up at any time, and I need to have more plans in place, and a more complete record of things that people would need to know if I was out of commission.
The colonoscopy I had on Monday did not stress me. The prep did not bother me except only liquids all day Sunday. What stressed me was making sure - again- that every thing was in order just in case I had to stay the night, etc. Stressed that he would get stressed and wander. Of course, I was out and home before he even woke up! He didn't know I was gone. Even though i told him before and after he has no memory of the conversation - which we all can identify with.
No one really understood that - kept saying the procedure would not be that bad. The hospital now has a copy of my DPOA in my file, I have medic alert to alert people that I am a caregiver. I had the bills all paid up, groceries for a few days, etc. Even though the doctor said the polyps looked benign, until that path report comes back, it is always there in the back our your mind.
Jan K glad it was only a scar.
It is refreshing that some of us are getting some good news lately.