MY husband, who has dementia, is in hospital following surgery for bladder tumors. This procedure seems to be necessary approximately once a year. The doctor sees him every 2 months and sometimes can take care of the removal in the office, if the tumors are not too large. Urologist says bladder is getting thin from many procedures and that doing nothing next time is an option. This seems to me to be playing God and doing nothing would be a moral issue. Any thoughts? I will mention he is 80 years old and his dementia is advanced.
What is his quality of life? It is soundin like doing another procedure might endanger his health. I think this is the way the doctor says "don't do it."
I always go back to "quality of life" issue, as Paul mentioned. He is 80 years old and has advanced dementia. Will his quality of life improve if he continues to have the procedures? Only you can make that decision. It's a tough one no wants to have to face, but we often have no choice.
I agree with what Paul said: It is sounding like doing another procedure might endanger his health. I think this is the way the doctor says "don't do it."
Sometimes we have to face that the body can only take so much. Sounds like the numerous procedures on his bladder has thinned it to the point where the next procedure may tear it. If that happens, is the bladder healthy enough to be repaired? If not, then what? Is he understanding what he just had done? Or is he just going along with whatever?
Did you have conversations about how far to go when he was healthy? My husband has made it clear that he would have none of it to prolong this disease journey. I have made it clear to my sister who is my DPOA that I would not even to the point of a living will spelling out in detail instances.
Did your husband give you any guidelines as to the kind of care he would want if he couldn't advocate for himself? Even if he didn't write out any formal directives, do you remember anything from your conversations over the years that might give you some hints as to what he would have wanted? It also sounds like the time is going to come when they can't do the procedure any more due to the wear and tear on the bladder…if I'm understanding correctly. (I have to agree with Paul about how the Alzheimer spouses get stuck with the "fun"..yeah, right…moral issues.) In the last three or four years, I just tried to keep my DH comfortable and happy…he had been so adamant that he did not want any invasive procedures or any placement, that the doctor and I just went along with that. Obviously if something fixable came up, we would have fixed it. (Broken bone, for instance.)
Telling the doctor to perform the surgery next time would also be "playing God," so allowing the procedure would also be a moral issue. Either way, you are "playing God."
I'm editing this to repeat what I said on the thread called "Blew It!" This role - which is impossible to avoid - is just one more thing that threatens our sanity. I realize that this is something that people who do not have an Alzheimer's spouse often have to do, but taken together with all the other stressful stuff we have to deal with, I honestly don't know how any of us survive this experience with our wits intact.
It is just part of the scariness of being an Alzheimers caregiver. We have to make all the decisions for them--crucial, life-altering decisions---try to do our best to do what they would have wanted., and balance that against what we know (or think we know) is best for them. It is a huge responsibility. It is one reason we get chest pains and shortness of breath, and lie awake at night staring at the ceiling instead of grabbing a few hours of desperately needed sleep. The good old Alzheimers caregiver anxiety.
I don't always speak in "God terms," but here I will. Neither decision is "playing God." This would be you, playing (well, not really playing...assuming the God-given role of,) caregiver. God gave this to your judgment. There is no cause for guilt, either way you go. You'll have done your best.