Sandy306 wrote on another site "Don't be afraid of the storm; learn to dance in the rain." I LOVE it. What a great quotation. Very uplifting. Thanks so much.
I heard a sports psychologist being interviewed this morning on On Point. She said that she tries to get athletes to visualize EVERY POSSIBILITY and how they will react to it. Not just when doing their sport but.. what if they have an accident and can't compete? What do they do then? Or what if they lose? Or win? That the question to ask is never WHY? but HOW or WHAT.. What can I do to turn this around, How can I do things differently so this doesn't happen again. Etc.
I thought this was really good advice for anyone living, as we do, "one day at a time."
I read this recently in a book and find it to be so so true: "At each stage of the progression of the disease, caregivers of persons who have Alzheimer's have two choices: They can concentrate on what capabilities are lost or they can concentrate on what capabilities remain. The choice of where to put the emphasis is crucial for the happiness of persons with the disease, as well as for all those who care for them"
Joan, I now wake each day and read your blogs. I really look forward to them! I was honored to see my quote on your page :) As I posted on my new lease on life thread, since Lynn has been on the seroquel, I feel I have been given the greatest gift, a bit of Lynn has been given back to me! I am so grateful I could bust with the joy of it.
I know I am still losing him, I know I can not stop the progression. But, I can make sure we live the rest of our time together in happiness. Alzheimer’s can not, nor WILL NOT take that from me. This alone I can control
Along these lines, this is another favorite quote of mine....
When one door closes another opens. But often we look so long -so regretfully upon the closed door- that we fail to see the one that has opened for us. Helen Keller
Joan....I, too, was honored to see my quote in your blog today....it's my 61st birthday....so it was a nice birthday surprise.
The quote became my mantra during the entire time I was dealing with all the horror that AD brought our way. I was determined that no matter what was going on with my husband and how crazy life had become I was not going to "go down with the ship." If I have one thing to pass along to all of you it is that you are a very important part of the AD equation. This disease is relentless, and no matter how many plateaus or "good" days that our dear ones may have, the "monster" will win in the end. To me, the very best thing I could do for my husband, my children and myself was to make the most of a bad situation and make sure that I still had a life when my caregiving days are over.
As most of you know, my husband died in March of this year...his struggle never was pleasant, he fought the disease every moment he was able. We didn't experience warm and touching moments...in fact any "touching" was usually done in anger and aimed at me. No medicine ever gave a long term good effect...it would give me a few days of sleepy and out of it and that was about it. But, I plastered a smile on my face, and plowed through.....being someone who doesn't know the meaning of "no you can't" probably helped. I got in-home help when I needed it, found a day care program when he needed it, and placed him in a wonderful AD specific facility when I just couldn't handle the pressure....in other words, I took care of both of us in the best way I knew how. I also was able to bring him home for the last three years of his life and care for him until he died. I did not grieve his death....it was such a blessed relief for him, for our family and especially for me. I make the most of each day....in that way I honor how he lived his life. I miss the old him....but I have had years to let that "lump in my throat feeling" pass.
It reminds me of a post by one of my favorite people on "the other site", such a sweet person, full of life and laughter:
I smiled today when I took a little rest on a bench overlooking a rushing river. I stared at this one rock, with the water rushing over it, and imagined taking photos...preserving moment after moment -- each different, unique, beautiful. And that made me think about AD and how we have to live in the moment, and enjoy each moment for what it is. Once it's gone, it's gone. But for that moment, it's important to notice, to savor, to be aware of its beauty.
Sandi, a belated "Happy Birthday" !! May I offer my hope that your future is a shining one with new hopes and dreams!
We all ask all types of questions here at Joan's Place, and I have one that may seem insensitive to some, but it worries me enough to type it.....
Have you been able to put the last few years at the back of your memories yet and see him and remember him as he was before AD? I have the worse part of this yet to face, and I am determined not to look ahead, but to take each day I am given and make the most of it even as I am planning for in-home care right now. You suffered through years of heck and years of nursing him that most of us pray we won't have to face. I admire you so much for what you have been through and your attitude now.
Sunshyne - I'm glad you liked the quote and I really liked the 'picture' in my mind of the rushing river over the rocks too. It reminded me of "yesterday" and what a blessing it was ~ vs. today and how hard it is...oh how we must enjoy the days that are really the good ones so that we have strength to endure these days that are so so hard. Life's chores must be done, but when your heart is heavy and tears are flowing, it's hard to get the "little things" done in life...here it is noon-thirty and my bed has yet to be made...I'd like to actually crawl back into it & pull the covers over my head and just wake up & find that this was all a bad bad dream...Looking forward to a better tomorrow.
Mary, to be blunt, no I have not been able to remember much about life before AD. I am sure it will all come back at some point in time. But, I have just decided not to dwell on all the bad stuff and look forward to the future. I am enjoying myself and love being able to not be concerned about someone else 24 hours a day...
My favorite quote in high school and now is "I am not afraid of tomorrow for I have seen yesterday and I love today."
I am a positive by nature and tend to roll with a lot of the punches. This trait has really helped me survive the results of this disease on both of us. I treasure the moments when he can still tell me he loves me or the one or two sentances that he says that make sense. There are many days now when I visit him that all we do is hold hands but he seems to be content with that so that is okay.
Sandi, thank you so much. After all you have been through, I am so happy for you that you can enjoy life again.
My husband and I have been looking at the scrapbooks from our trips before AD. That helps me think of "us" and not "now" - Thank you for staying with us and helping us through this!
therrja, I am also positive by nature, and such an optimist that some do a double-take when I tell them about my husband for the first time. I am too much of a Pollyanna too. I've always felt that if you have a choice of crying or laughter, I'll take the laughter every time. So I look for the humor (as most of you have noticed) - but it doesn't mean I don't hurt - I just refuse to let it get me down.
Some of what you all have written is so beautiful and uplifting. I'm thinking seriously of starting a new journal with nothig but this type of lovely thoughts. How do you folks do that? Amazing!!!