I don't know if this is "off topic" or not, but I labeled it as such. I am about to embark on another one of my single adventures - hoping to have lots to tell you when I return much later in the wee hours of the morning. It involves a lot of driving, which, as you know, I hate. And a lot of music, which is the only reason I would do all of this driving.

This is for all of us who have been so depressed that we would rather lie in bed with the covers over our head. I'm sick of those covers, so here I go.

joang

You go, girl!

Glad you are going. Can't wait to hear about your adventure. Hope it will be a blast.

You rock, Joan! Have lots of fun tonight!

Okay. I'm back. Many of you know that I am a fanatic Craig Wayne Boyd fan. If you have to ask who Craig Wayne Boyd is, then you're missing out on the best singer to come along in forever. I was determined to see him in person this year - he has been touring all over the country since the first of the year. The closest place I could find that wasn't a 12 hour outdoor festival was in Biloxi, Mississippi at the IP Casino. I swear I was going to drive the 9 hours to get there to see him, and you all know how much I HATE to drive. But then, another show was added last week FOR FREE at a beachside bar and grill only 90 minutes from me. All I had to do, besides drive there, was eat dinner at the restaurant. This time, I didn't even bother to look for someone to go with me. I just decided that by Hell or High Water, I was going. Period.

Well, 90 minutes in rush hour traffic in the Miami area turned into over 2 hours of a nerve wracking drive. When I arrived, the reservation I had made was null and void. They didn't realize how deluged they would be with people, and apparently they weren't supposed to be taking reservations. They announced that everyone would have to "get friendly" and sit with whomever wherever there was room. I sat with a nice couple from the area. The wife was as much of a CWB fan as I am. The husband came along for the ride. Turned out we were BEHIND what was set up as a stage, so the radio station that was sponsoring the show, accommodated us by letting us bring chairs up to the front of the stage. I ended up sitting about 10 feet from CWB when he was performing.

It was worth every second of the miserable drive. It was just Craig with his guitar, his guitar player, and his drummer. Very intimate, personal show - his voice was magic, and he has an easy, personable stage presence. The hour flew by. Then he took pictures and talked with everyone. He was just as nice as could be. And very, very easy on the eyes.

Although the drive home was in the dark, it was easier and much quicker because it wasn't rush hour traffic.

The picture is on FB. I look awful, but I didn't have time to spruce up. Maybe next time.

For those who are congratulating me on my adventure, please remember - it took me almost two years after Sid's placement (20 months to be exact) to get to this point. It wasn't easy, and it's not something I could have done a year ago. Everything takes time. We are all on our own timetable.

joang

Oh, Coco, those pictures I showed you of him don't do him justice. He is even more gorgeous in person. I didn't think he could sound any better than he does on his recorded music, but he's even better in person. I have never heard a voice like his, ever, anywhere. And he is as sweet as can be to talk to. An absolute doll.

joang

AuntB*,

Thank you for the invitation. If I ever get the nerve to drive to Nashville ( I have an 80 year old friend who did it on her own from here in Florida!), I will take you up on it. Does that make me the oldest groupie on record?

joang

Coco-when life throws you curves it can take a very long time to figure out where you are going. Give yourself time to heal. That very nice person is still you.

aww thanks Nora. sorry if I seemed serious, it is kind of an inside joke with Joan!

Dazed and Everyone,

I am pleased to be an inspiration to others that we can emerge from the darkness, but it's very important to me that I keep reminding everyone that it took A LONG TIME AND A LOT OF WORK. Almost two years since placement, 7 months of intense grief counseling, a year of fits and starts at trying to "adapt", as my counselor calls it, to a single life without my husband of 45 years. Countless months of depression so deep that I often did not get out of bed for two days in a row, and only got out on the third day because I was so afraid of becoming a complete basket case. Learning to live without Sid, live on my own, adjust to being single, adjust to his declining condition, trying to make single friends - it has been the hardest task I have ever faced in my life. And I have hated doing it.

Honestly, if you all hadn't spurred me on with the Washington DC trip, I don't think I would be doing as well as I am. Your faith in me; your contributions to make it happen, kick started my ambition. You gave me the boost I needed to get myself living again. The intellectual stimulation and the social interaction at the Forum put life back into me. I do so hope that I can continue to build upon that here at home.

So again, I say that I am pleased to be an inspiration, but I don't want you to think that you will be up and running in a day, and I especially don't want you to feel like a failure if you are finding it a long road. My counselor calls it a road with many potholes. We go along smoothly for awhile, and then hit a pothole. We have to work our way out of it, and continue on our way until we hit the next pothole. Get up, put one foot in front of the other, and do the best you can.

Something else that is important to note: In the 7 months since the Blake Shelton concert that was the first I attended alone , and was the catalyst to a major shift in my attitude and thinking ( http://www.thealzheimerspouse.com/Seismicshift.htm), I have attended concerts and many events by myself. NONE of this would have been possible without the invention of the GPS. I never would have gone anywhere or done anything without that piece of miracle technology. I never have, and still do not have, a sense of direction. I have gotten lost walking in my own neighborhood. The GPS has been my "Get out of jail free" card. Without it, I would still be driving around Orlando after the Blake Shelton concert of last August. Not kidding on this one.

Yes, you can do it; you can start to have a life aside from Alzheimer's Disease, but don't fret if it takes a long time.

joang

Joan, that's very good to hear and I can hear in your posts that some air and light have arrived.

In my own depression I couldn't hear or see opportunity as anything but a further challenge or even a threat to me.

I have a friend who is my best friend by miles who had what seems like a mental breakdown some ten years ago when something he worked very hard for and wanted very much came apart in his face. He couldn't get out of bed and shut down in many ways. I use him as an example because it keeps me away from dementia and it's effects on us. So much of what he went through is so familiar to me even though it wasn't really the same thing.

He lived the same abandonment by his friends (one of whom was me) he felt and he faced similar massive challenges to come to terms with what had happened and to find something inside to work with to come out. He finally found a therapist that truly helped him to find that inside himself and he has been coming back step by step ever since.

I say this because he still doesn't get any acknowledgment that he had mental/emotional problems that aren't because he was this or that - but was because life overcame him and I also say this because there is a resistance in my opinion by Alzheimer's spouses to the idea that damage to us is real and easily as powerful as a mental breakdown.

We use phrases and then we wrestle with those phrases but the bottom line in any of this is that at times it is too much and that isn't because we're lazy or weak or any character flaw; but, because we have no respect ordinarily for the idea that the mind and the spirit are not infinite but limited and can be damaged in the same way an arm or a knee can be where because it's not visible it gets short shrift.

In between breaking down and escaping all events without a scratch is a wide area where I think that pilot who crashed that plane on purpose recently will be one more step in societies recognition that we wouldn't let a pilot with an Uzi fly a plane but we are almost clueless that unseen does not mean not there.

Watch the bounce and the echoes. There is a fragility that almost must endure for a while where when we feel strength and willingness again we also have new knowledge for the first time. Which in simple terms is that we are not now but were and so now know we can but we don't really know why. That works both ways to the 'positive' and to the 'negative'.

But we also have a different new knowledge. We can and have done it and it's good. But the conceit that almost all humans have that if it's the mind then it must be that we weren't strong enough and that it is our failing, is still as prevelant as it is completely false.

We do not ignore a broken hip or blame for having one; but, we do if it's unseen. Even within ourselves.

When the bounce comes (when it grips me again), I know this thing better and I allow it. I no longer deny a broken hip and instead understand it will take time to fully mend and that I want that - so I help me.