My spouse was diagnosed last August with bvFTD after he tried to choke me and threatened to kill me and finally had MRI and PET tests which showed left frontal brain deterioration but now after seeing my husband 3 times, the doctor says he thinks we should see a marital counselor. This is the same doctor that diagnosed him. My spouse still have thoughts that I am having an affair with someone (not true) and that I am texting or "contacting" someone while we are in bed together every night and is still threatening to hurt me and accuses me of lying. We are always together but I will be returning to work soon (been off 9 months on FMLA and medical disability) so I am getting more stressed. thanks
Welcome to my website. I am on my way out the door, so will write a more extensive welcome tomorrow, but I have to respond to your post. Marriage counseling DOES NOT WORK for those with dementia. They have lost the reasoning and judgment to be able to understand that they are doing anything wrong. In their damaged mind, It is always the other person's fault. In this case, yours.
FTD is a very complex dementia - go to the top of this page, and click "search". Type in Frontal Lobe Dementia", making sure the "topic" circle is filled in and click "search" again. Many of our FTD discussions will appear.
By virtue of the fact that the frontal lobe is damaged, the part of the brain that controls impulsivity, reasoning, and judgment, means that the person is particularly difficult to deal with. Paranoia is a common part of FTD. We have many members here whose spouses have FTD, and their stories have filled our message boards. I am sure they will be along soon to help you out.
Have marriage counseling with someone with FTD makes no sense at all. People with FTD tend to have little insight and therapy often agitates them. My wife did not like marriage counseling after her TBI. Paranoia is quite common with FTD.
Step #1 is to keep yourself safe. he has attacked and threatened you. I hope that he has been given some medications that are helping. Be sure to pack an emergency bag and have you cell phone on you at all times. You need an escape plan in case he does attack you.
If you feel threatened see about having him committed for an evaluation.
Otherwise, have you made new wills, Power of Attorney, Durable Power of Attorney and Medical Power of Attorney since the diagnosis?
I would be getting a new dr . This one surely can't think sending a diagnosed FTD patient to therapy after expressing extreme violence is warranted. He must not have a clue as to what you are dealing with. And start him on medication asap per FTD diagnosis to help control aggression. Call your local alzheimer chapter and get informed on options.
Another web site that is full of support and information specifically for FTD is
www.ftdsupportforum.com
The carers who post are just as sharing and supporting as the folks here. It is international and not just for spouses, so it adds to, but does not replace this site.
My husband has bvFTD and was diagnosed almost 7 years ago now. We too went through a very violent stage.
I agree with divvi*, get a new doctor, counseling won't help at all because of the impacted area of the brain. My husband's doctor recommended I buy pepper spray and spray DH when he got violent. What a quack!
Paul has also given you excellent advice...you just never know when you might need to escape to save your life.
Medications are essential to controlling the anger and aggression...make sure you speak to a doctor who knows how to treat aggressive dementia behaviors. S/He will most likely prescribe anti-psychotic medications to help control the aggression.
Oh confusedwife I am so with you. My husband has the same diagnosis and you could have written my story. I agree with others, a total waste of time having counselling, and concerning as it might escalate your husband's behavior. I also agree with paulc. For two years, I had a packed bag in my car and slept with my cell phone and keys in my housecoat pocket. I had two emergency escape plans. My whole life focus had become trying to keep him and me safe. As others have said here, paranoia, delusions, personality changes, and completely unpredictable behaviour go along with this diagnosis. My husband was taken by police to hospital after two calm notifications he was going to kill me then himself (this after lots of threatening behaviors to me). The ER Dr told me he was going to discharge my husband and I told him was not going to do any such thing. I remained firm he needed to be admitted for a full work up. That was three years ago and he never came home. I don't want to alarm you but sometimes the aggression cannot be controlled with medications. My husband is currently back in the hospital as a 2nd facility could not manage his aggression. The focus - keep yourself safe. I would also suggest notifying the police. I did this so they would know if I called it was a mental health issue and they had some history. If there are guns in the house get rid of them. We did not have guns but that was what one of the first questions the doctor, nurse practitioner, and police asked me. Turn to us when needed. I would not be alive I don't think without this amazing site and people here. Sending lots of support. You are on a challenging road.