Not signed in (Sign In)

Vanilla 1.1.2 is a product of Lussumo. More Information: Documentation, Community Support.

    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 22nd 2020
     
    I'm glad to see I'm not alone in this feeling. If there were any hope of improvement I would feel differently. This isn't new for me, went through it with other family members, even my son. There came a point where the "possible cure" was So hard on him. Yes, it was an opportunity for the doctors to test drugs, but it was my child who had to endure the effects. There came a day when I prepared his medicine, they had let him come home for a time, he said, please Mom, I don't want to take that. And, that was it. I don't believe the end of life should be like that for any of us.

    We are of the generation that thought doctors were next to God, their word was law. Was a long time ago I had to make some hard choices for other people. For myself though, I have no qualms deciding what I want to do with my own body. Plus, I'm an organ donor for anything they can use - and you would be schocked to know how many parts of the body can be reused - then what's left will go to the body farm for law enforcement education.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 22nd 2020
     
    When we were in it, I didn't have thoughts like this. It was all too oppressive, stressful, and draining to go through. Now I realize there's a very good reason not to remember my wife the way she was dominated by the disease. It robbed her of her dignity and of her ability to do anything about that. If I remember her the way she was then, now that she is dead and the disease is dead, I will be unfair to her and to us.

    It's a big undertaking like building the Sphinx was. I had to live through the horrors, and then deal with them, and then accept them, and then forgive them, and then banish them. No disease crap allowed. She couldn't defend herself and can't now either, so it's up to me to defend her.

    She would never have behaved the way she did in any manner if she wasn't being overcome by Alzheimer's. She was robbed of the ability to be herself, to take responsibility, or to behave in other ways except with the eroding bits and pieces the disease steadily took. Now that I have the ability, I can restore some of the truth of who she was when she was herself.

    I'm ready for this battle!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWpA-2-KdDo
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime6 days ago
     
    I agree Wolf, losing their dignity and abilities, is about as bad as it gets. I doubt any terminal illness is any better, but AZ has got to be the worst thing that can happen to a person. I've know friends with cancer and other terminal diseases, that were terminal - and I'm sure their families were devastated -- but there wasn't the change in the person like there is with AZ. It is like a fungus that keeps spreading and growing taking over not only it's host but anyone who is close to them.

    After all the fighting over hiring some kids to mow, he was so gleeful and taunting Friday when it stormed and they couldn't come. Then yesterday early the doorbell rang. It was them, I had to get out quick before he ran them off. They are young boys, just 10 & 12 sons of our local sheriff trying to earn some money. I was little concerned about their age but he said they did all the mowing etc on their place. Since they don't drive, he stayed with them the entire time, showing them the best way to do things, get around my flowers, and our hay fields are tall so have to work around them. Even saw him doing some hand weeding around a couple of places. But went well, they did a good job, and said they would do better next time - we were their very first customers and they were a little nervous. Left some weeds I guess they thought were flowers and some places didn't get quite close enough to the house, but for their first time, I was super pleased. One boy ran the zero turn, another the big lawn tractor and the weed eater and Dad pitched in occasionally. Looks so good to have it all mowed and cleaned at once. I worked outside for several hours this morning pulling some weeds, putting markers where I have flowers growing, where I want some holes dug and just enjoying being outside. Was very warm and sunny but now it's turned dark and the thunder has started so I guess our 7 days of storms will start shortly. Can't get the hay baled till this rain stops. After we moved back here I learned first hand the old saying "make hay while the sun shines", LOL. You need one day to cut, one day to turn and one more day to bale, so three days of sunshine. If it gets wet during that time you could lose the entire crop.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    Sounds good but do make sure you have plenty of insurance in case there is an accident. It is good that the dad was supervising.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime5 days ago edited
     
    We do have workers comp on our homeowners policy but he is our local sheriff and lives about 3 miles from us. Also friends with our GD who is in the neighboring co (much bigger) sheriff dept and we are friends with their sheriff. Doesn't mean something can't happen, but in these small towns where he advertised wanting work for the boys, I'm not too worried. I did question him due to their age, but since the boys don't drive I suspect he will stay each time, only takes a couple of hours and is to his advantage for them to have a good experience with the local people.

    OT: I used to volunteer at the jail. I taught GED classes, parenting etc and thoroughly enjoyed it. Never had any problems with any of the inmates. Also taught a 4week art class they had to "earn" the right to attend. The youngest was 18, whose brother and Father were in at the same time - I had grandmothers, professional people, housewives, a pregnant woman who went into labor in my class, Federal hold prisoners - drug dealers - murderers and everything in-between. Note, the most violent prisoners were held in a different location.

    I taught similar subjects at the battered women's shelter and have to say the inmates were much easier. They were nicer, polite and interested in bettering themselves, that would help when they were released. The women didn't have an interest in getting their GED, nor in parenting classes, preferred to just hang around on the patio, smoke and let their kids run loose. Possible they had been in such bad situations they simply didn't have any energy left to think about the future. They didn't have any structure in their lives. They could only stay in the shelter a specific amount of time - due to limited space, then had to move to one of the shelter apartments, look for a job and become more self-reliant. Note, they had plenty of support and encouragement from day 1. During the time I worked there I only saw a couple that successfully made the transition. I wondered if it was their own upbringing/personality that got them into their situation or if the situation they found themselves in completely wiped out any initiative they had.

    Had to quit when dh required more care....it did have the same type of feeling, although it wasn't as personal, you gave all you could knowing there was a slim chance it was going to make a whole lot of difference.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    PS: yes, I know the inmates had something to gain by taking the classes, but they did have to maintain a certain standard of behavior before they were allowed to register and during classes. Even if it was just something to do they were involved. The walls were glass and although I never needed it, I only had to raise my hand and the guard on duty would immediately intervene.

    That was the difference I saw with the battered women, they simply didn't care about anything, even if just for something to do to fill the day, maybe knowing they were safe for awhile was enough. Very few ever expressed optimism about the future. Think that sometimes sounds like me :)

    Again OT: Many years ago I belonged to an art group & when you travelled, you just let people know when and where you were going and other members, other states even overseas, offered you a place to stay. Kind of a B&B before they were popular. Was a great way to meet people and save money. Not sure that would work for us but could be a thought. I know one couple traveling overseas, his wife had a heart attack and had to be hospitalized. He posted to the group and someone contacted him, offered their home and whatever was needed till she was able to travel back to the states. I wonder if the world has changed so much that we might not feel as safe doing that now?
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    I was thinking of an umbrella insurance policy. I doubt that a workman's comp coverage would cover them if they got hurt. I think an umbrella policy is just a good idea anyway. You never know if someone visiting might trip and hurt themselves, it protects both of you. I carry $1 million in umbrella insurance.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime3 days ago
     
    We used to carry an umbrella but I'd have to look. When we bought this place, it seems like our policy may have changed in some ways, one was our deductible - a percentage rather than a flat deductible.