My sister sent me this and I'm thinking I should share it with my friends here. It may have been published before, but I haven't seen it.
Norbert Tackman explained that his wife had died after 49 wonderful years and when a good friend's husband passed away, leaving her consumed by grief, he felt the need to help her so he wrote her this letter. I personally though it very meaningful.
A TIME TO GRIEVE What could have been is gone. What was is still in your memories. You will always think there must have been more you could have done. More times you could have said "I love you." Times you think "Why didn't I hold him more? Why didn't I do this or that?" You did all those things. You just need to remember them.
Remember the times you held hands as you walked. When you held one another and kissed. When you shared a sunset or a walk through a garden. Remember that great vacation you had together. Remember when you made love and shared that special time. Remember how your love never dimmed but got stronger over the years.
Remember when you first met and fell in love. Then go through your life remembering the special moments, one after another. When you had children. When you laughed or cried. That trip to get away. Visiting friends. A party. Going to church. When you redecorated the house. Little things that only you and he shared.
Push out of your mind the memories that make you sad and replace them immediately with good memories. Something that makes you smile . In the weeks after his passing, the relatives go on with their lives. Your friends don't call as often and you're left alone. This is the time to be more involved in your favorite organizations, your church, your friends, in other words, keep busy. Be with other people. Push yourself to do things, no matter how small. Don't feel sorry for yourself......You have so much to offer to others and your fellowship will give back twice as much to you.
There's nothing wrong with crying. It's part of the loss. It's part of the grief. Accept the aching need to have him back and tell him you love him. And always remember to say , "What a good life we had."
He knew you loved him and cared about him. just as you knew he loved you and cared about you. Remember, he is watching over you. He doesn't want you to suffer. He wants you to be happy for all the time you had together........God Bless You.
That's exactly right because we choose exactly that in our lives all the time. We accept outrageous behaviour from our children or our employer or our spouse or our family or our friends or earlier our parents or our schoolmates because we have larger goals and work with the adversity and disappointments even though we feel them.
We saw them as things to overcome and all we needed was a 'normal' outlook to do that. What we the dementia spouses go through and how long we go through it is like torture and does actual damage to us. It's hard in ways other things weren't to feel that sense of being willing to overcome again. Not for them. We do that. For us, where most don't.
I wrote to you about this very thing on your Old Man thread. Now your sister gives you this. Then you post it. Someone is trying to reach you.
Wolf, ......I well remember what you wrote on that "old man" thread. You were going through your memories of the good old days with Dianne...........I remember, I remember, I remember..........just as this writer was suggesting. ......I do that myself, and after two and a half years, I don't think I'm grieving anymore but She is still very much on my mind, and friends and relatives say I talk about her a lot. ......I keep myself busy and I think I'm just about as happy as an old man can be.