Myrtle, getting the dog was the best thing I could have done. I think about getting another one or a cat so she can have company. Cat - not ready for the litter box in the motorhome again.
Hope you and fluffy bond quickly and gives you lots of love and 'music' to listen to
Good for you Myrtle. I'm going to have to decide when to put down my almost 17 year old cat. I love her too much to let her suffer so I watch her closely. Not sure if I'll get another cat but might volunteer at the cat shelter.
All suggestions will be gratefully received and seriously considered. I'm going to wait to see what her personality is like before choosing a name and will report the choice here after it is made.
katlady, That is so sad. It's hard to have an animal euthanized but I've never been sorry once I did it, which shows I may have hung on too long.
I posted on another thread that my cousin had sort of hijacked my house, and that listening to her anguished pleas and letting her in was a mistake I will not repeat. She left today after seven nights, thank all the gods. My boundary fences are up to the sky and topped with barbed wire…I will never and I mean never let someone into my house like that again. But anyway, she is sorting out her problems in an extended-stay motel, and I wish her all good things. She is highly allergic to cats, which is why I'm thinking maybe I should get a cat to keep her away…ha-ha…joke. I like cats, but with the going back and forth to NY, it probably isn't the right time for me to get one yet.
Maybe there are two ways to look at that. Isn't it some months still before you go? Maybe if your new cat moved with you it would seem a shared adventure. On the other hand while you travel someone would have to mind it.
I would definitely consider a name from one of your novel periods.
Georgia (on my mind), Shirley Temple, rum raisin, Alice, Dinah (Alice's cat), and Cheshire Cat. Can you tell I'm an Alice in Wonderland fan? I named a dog "Dinah" once for Alice's cat, and, honest to goodness, the dog would rub against your legs just like a cat and even walked like a cat. It was creepy. Never name a dog for a famous cat.
Elizabeth, your cousin's decent upon your house may have been upsetting and frustrating for you but it was a cautionary tale for some of us (me) who have been thinking that I'm rattling around in this big house & maybe I should share it with a sister. NO, NO, a thousand times NO! I tell myself over and over. Your post reminded me, once again, that alone is best! Enjoy your solitude (when the grands are not about).
It was enlightening to realize that there really is a "me" left after the terrible loss of Larry and of not being "us" anymore. While I didn't enjoy the seven nights with my cousin here and her bags of stuff and her having to have the thermostat cranked up high, and her constant blabbing about her allergies and her health and all the special food she had to have…blah, blah, blah…it did give me a good jolt. I realized that I'm not quite as fogged up and directionless as I feel sometimes in the day to day routine (or lack of it) without Larry and our old, comfortable life together. Somewhat to my surprise, I realize that I am slowly but surely building up my own new lifestyle and routines that I want to enjoy. It was appropriate to turn my life upside-down to take care of Larry, but now it's my turn to be taken care of…by me. If that makes any sense.
My cousin's intrusion really clarified for me that I like my routines of getting up around seven-ish, having a cup of coffee, playing the piano in the morning, going to "work" at the library where I go in one of the study rooms and do some writing…getting a one-hour walk in the park every day, caring for the grands and cooking (until June, 2016…yes, I'm counting the months), and then playing the harp, watching something on Netflix or Amazon prime, and then going to bed around eleven-ish to read for awhile and then get a good night's sleep. So why do I feel the need to even post this? What does it have to do with anything?
I think it relates to the Alzheimer's widow's journey in that before my cousin came, I would not even have realized that I had developed this daily routine…this new lifestyle…or that I was, under the constant unhappy weight of missing Larry and thinking about him…actually building a new life that could carry me forward with actual enjoyment and authenticity into my new future. I am still a person…sheesh, who knew?…not just a grieving caregiver whose world fell apart…but a real, actual person with a life. Unbelievable. But unbelievable in a good way. I just could not see my way forward,really, without Larry…thought I was just getting nowhere…but now I see that I really have been moving forward and re-inventing myself without even knowing it. When my cousin interrupted and messed up my new life, I could see clearly that I actually have one, and that I value it. That is huge for me…a real light bulb moment. Sorry if this post is rambling and too long…but I know you all here are the ones who might not mind listening.
I for one, enjoy your postings - they are not ramblings at all but interesting and informative comments.
It was overly kind of you to welcome your cousin into your home in her time of need, but I was happy to hear she left without too much fuss. Between taking care of your husband and your grandchildren, you have been more than generous with your time and deserve some just for you. Enjoy your new routines.
elizabeth*: It sounds as if your cousin's visit was a roaring success in that it showed you your own resolve and resiliency.
This is one of the most curious things about life: negative experiences often have a profound effect on us by eliciting positive insight or actions.
You might drop your cousin a thank you note, but then again, maybe not. She might read too much into the note!!
The way you have handled things this last year is nothing short of amazing. We are all devastated by the disease (every story has its horrors) but I find it inspiring to hear how others have risen from the ashes like you did. Thank you for sharing these personal vignettes and the wry, humorousway you frame the stories.
I can certainly relate to what you're saying and I understand what it means from my point of view.
We use phrases like 'finding our way' perhaps but it doesn't really tell the story. The real story IMO is realizations that we come to believe. Dianne's life was always Dianne's life and I doubt who she met along the way would have changed that. What we did do with our time together I'm glad about and through very tough times we held to our partnership. I don't define myself as a widower anymore than I define myself as ugly or good looking. I'm me now in my life, it's all earned, and it's mine to discover.
I go to lunch today with six male friends and I feel something. I would like to have a little fun and I'm optimistic that I will. If I felt any more empowered I think electricity would be shooting out of my finger tips. Tomorrow I go to get an eye exam and glasses. It's the first thing I've done for myself and it was hard because I couldn't break through any of the things I should have done for myself.
At lunch today most are going to think I'm putting up a brave front because I'm grieving; but, I've learned here you can't convince people who have their mind made up. The lesson to me, the insight to me, is that I don't feel the need to explain because what I feel inside is optimism about myself. The resentments which I fought have become boring and the need to prove I'm here to myself and anyone who might listen seems to be over.
I feel confident. I think these things will improve from here. I have no interest in blubbering over Dianne while I waste my life and I have no interest in not blubbering over Dianne when I do. I don't have to explain to anyone except me and I already did and I have the same green lights across the board that were there all of last year.
I don't know what other people mean by what they say. I only know that when I believe Dianne was released from her suffering at the end having lost everything else of value in life years before - those are the words that describe what is already going on and which I already believe. I only know that my sister is in her basement sorting through the boxes of things that belonged to our mother one more time and can't face talking about her ashes. I also know where her ashes are because I'm looking at them as I type. And finally, I think mom and dad and Dianne all would be cheering me on. That doesn't matter either. I'm cheering me on. Go ahead and put a price on that because I did that too and I came up with the amount priceless.
Elizabeth, I did just go to the Widows & Widowers (?) thread. I've never looked at that before, I suppose because I'm not yet a widow & didn't think there would be anything there for me. It's really quite interesting, if that's the proper word to use. Helps me to know even more about the others here.
You are an extremely kind person to let your cousin just go into your house while you were gone. I'm not sure I would have been able to do the same! As I've read your comments on this matter it came to my mind again (as it often does) that things happen for a reason. It was maybe meant to be to help you see yourself & your life in a more positive hopeful light.
When the weather warms up a little more? What do you think? Where should we go next time? :)
Thanks to everyone for the supportive comments. It means a lot--probably more than you all realize.
Mim… so much coffee, so little time! The possibilities are endless! Let's touch base after Easter when it starts to warm up a little and decide what we want to do. : D
I'm posting this update on the March thread so I can keep all the info together and also because there's no April thread. I have not selected a name yet but I have listed all the names you suggested as possible ones. Since this cat still has not revealed her full personality, I have not yet settled on a name.
This cat is very pretty - long-haired orange and white and very petite and dainty - about 8 lbs. The problem is that she is very, very timid. I have her in my bedroom, where she spends most of her time under a table that has a skirt on it. Although I've had her for a week, she has not come out much. She's not even interested in looking out the window. She escaped once and hid in a linen closet upstairs, so I put her back in the bedroom. If I lie on the floor and feed her treats, she'll come out from under the table for a while and let me pet her. Yesterday I put a cat bed on the chair I sit in to watch TV before bed and last night she came out and curled up there while I was watching TV. (Of course, now that a cat bed is on my chair, I have to sit on my bed to watch TV!) She also lay on my bed for a little bit while I petted her.
As you can see, this cat is doing a good job of training me. (Sigh . . .)
Give her time. She will come around. Who knows what her life was like before you adopted her. She may never be a lap cat, but she will get over some of her shyness in time.