For the new people, every month we start a general discussion topic where we can chat about anything. We name it by the month. When the first day comes around someone puts it up. If you're not sure where to put something you want to say, put it here. Or you can use the search feature by typing in something like a prescription name and see what has been said about it so far.
I'm going to miss groundhog day. It got to be repetitive but at least I always knew where I was. I won't miss that Sonny and Cher song. Whatever happened to Sonny? Oh right, he skiied into a tree. Didn't see that one coming.
I just wrote back to a niece who found out Dianne passed away. She was the one who stunned me over a year ago by praying for me at dinner so heartfeltly and for so long I felt the glow of it for months. She wanted me to know I am family and that I am loved. I also heard from a different nephew on my side who has twice now asked if he can come and visit to comfort me. I guess I'm not as alone as it feels.
What I know is that North America is still rising from being compressed by the ice age and that it also takes time to decompress from how much dementia caregiving squeezes and shrinks the human being. Luckily I have no life so I'm available for decompression.
The offers above were heartfelt I believe. What I've noticed is that to the 'normal' crowd my status changed when Alzheimer's stigma went bye bye. As Shakespeare wrote in As You Were, "I got your invitation right here (gestures to overly large codpiece) you flotsom!"
Wait. I'm being told I'm completely wrong about that. Nevermind.
Has groundhog day been eliminated or are you just saying you'll miss it until next year? I wish it would be eliminated because it's cruel to the woodchuck, which is a wild animal that should still be in hibernation at that time. This year, a woodchuck that was being put on display in Wisconsin bit the ear of a politician. Good for the woodchuck.
Yea!!! MARCH! I love March for so many reasons...Spring: end of a long, cold, dark winter. Speaking of dark: we spring forward in 1 week! I LOVE the extra daylight! My birthday month: not that I count the years anymore but hey, it's MY day! And March Madness: I LOVE college basketball and the University of Kentucky (my team) is undefeated and ranked # 1 in the nation!!! It has been such a fun season so far. And did I mention that we are #1 in the nation right now???
elizabeth, On the February thread you said you wanted to write historical novels set in the Hudson Valley-Lake George-Lake Champlain-Quebec area. Can you tell us more about that and also why you chose the years from 1690 to 1763?
Hi Myrtle--Well, I've published regularly for years in short, non-fiction, but used to love fun, light historical romance that was historically accurate. (Passion and peril in the Dark Ages--if it happened after the First Crusade, I wasn't interested. My favorite settings were England and Wales just after the Norman Conquest--fascinating cultural clashes.) Anyway, my family background is in England and Ireland, and it was my goal to get back often enough for research, and to write one romance per year, actively seeking publication. Alzheimers got in the way of this goal big time, as I just could not get overseas the way I wanted to. (Was doing well to keep my nursing job(s) going as long as I did.) The Battle-scarred Bridegrooms series started with Wedded to the Dragon--a decent, though unpublished effort. Then came the unpublished Wedded to the Warrior--again, a genuine effort and a good learning experience. The third one was supposed to be Wedded to the Viking…which just couldn't seem to get past 139 pages…I was being sucked right into the Alzheimers world along with Larry, and just couldn't get on the stick anymore in terms of finishing a draft. I was too tired after work, too distracted…had more and more to cope with at home…anyone on this forum would recognize the scenario. I couldn't travel anymore, couldn't get to writers' conferences without paying an aide a fortune to stay with him…and fun romance just started to seem like a bad joke. Now that he's gone, writing romance still seems dumb , and I've resigned from my American and British romance writers' organizations. I am only in the Historical Novels Society now. If I can get through this bereavement process well enough to function, I'm going to start a series of historical novels set in Ireland, England, France, and the Hudson Valley- to- Quebec corridor, covering a period of 75 years from the Battle of the Boyne, until 1763 when the French lose Canada. Sort of like the Three Musketeers meet Roger's Rangers. I'm plotting my story arcs right now on index cards in a file box. It gives me a pretty broad canvas to work on, and all in geographical areas I will enjoy visiting. It is why I am working on my French (impossible language…grrrrr.), and one big reason why I want to go back to NY, besides the family issues you all know about.
Forgot to say that I chose those years because there is lots of cultural conflict the whole way. What Americans call the French and Indian Wars ran from 1689 to 1763. Lots of sword fighting and derring-do, intrigue…I can put in some elements of romance here and there…but the history itself will give lots of plot structure and conflict for the books…and give me lots of interesting travel destinations.
Myrtle, I love the Wisconsin woodchuck story!! I agree, good for the woodchuck!!
AuntB, I so admire your enthusiasm for the month of March. I admire enthusiasm for anything at this point - I don't have much enthusiasm for anything, even things I used to love, except maybe reading. Speaking of which, Elizabeth you sound like a very interesting person!! Historical fiction is what I love best.....
elizabeth, I can’t wait to read your stories! As a child in the Connecticut River valley, I grew up on stories of the raid on the English outpost of Deerfield (in present-day Mass.) during the French and Indian Wars. The raid was at this time of year – February 29, 1704. Fifty colonists were killed outright and more than 100 captives were marched through the snow to Montreal by Indians led by French soldiers. Many captives died on the march, including Eunice Williams, who at age 39, had just given birth to her seventh child. The accounts of her last conversation with her husband are heartbreaking. Many surviving captives were ransomed but some of them chose to stay in New France and converted from their Puritan religion to Catholicism. (The Williams' young daughter, also named Eunice, eventually married her Mohawk captor.)
Until recently, the story of the raid on Deerfield had always been told without much consideration of the cultural context but in the last 20 years, that began to change. In 2004, I attended a dinner at the Historic Deerfield museum in memory of the 300th anniversary of the raid. The organization invited as its guests not only descendants of the English colonists, but also descendants of the French and Native Americans who had been involved. It was absolutely amazing to see the descendants of all these people together in this very old village.
Eunice the young daughter of Eunice the converted puritan, eventually married her Mohawk captor. Uh huh. I know this is recounted as historically accurate but if there isn't a historic romance novel right there, I'll eat a jeep.
Sad how kids are not being taught history from before 1900.
Have been craving walnut ice cream for a long time - actually since we were in Quartzsite January 2011. There was a booth at the RV show where for $2.50 you could get a double scoop cone. They had the best black walnut and they were big scoops - almost too big for one to eat. Today I finally found 'maple walnut' made with english walnuts and bought it. I should not have but it tasted really good tonight!!
Thanks for the comments--yes, the captives' stories are fascinating (and scary). Another good one is "A Narrative of the Captivity of Mrs. Johnson." (Available on Amazon books.) I've always thought that if I had lived in Europe during America's colonial days that I would have been one of the ones who stayed home. You wouldn't have gotten me onto one of those ships! And if I did emigrate--tied up with ropes and kicking and screaming--I would have stayed in Boston or somewhere safe--you couldn't have gotten me near the frontier on a bet!
Anyway, I'm definitely slowed down by trying to recuperate from all the years of caregiving and then the loss of Larry…but am trying to take at least some little steps toward some kind of meaningful future. Now that I've passed the six-month point, I am joining the local singles group--the one that sounds down-to-earth and like maybe it's for normal, neighborhood people. I just don't see anyone other than DD and the kids…except when I go to NY. I couldn't get up there in February due to the weather…and March is starting off with more storms. But the singles group meets literally around the corner from me--should be easy enough to run over once a week just to say hello and see what's going on.
Charlotte, I'm going to the grocery today, and if I come home with maple walnut ice cream and gain 5 lbs. it will be your fault! : D : D
Charlotte - not all doctors will even see drug reps and have office policies pertaining to their visits. Most doctors understand that drug reps are just repeating the sell lines from the pharmaceutical company. The drug reps often do have copies of published papers regarding the drug that can help the doctor search for more information on his own if he is interested. Yes, there is influence by pharma, but the system does bring new drugs to the attention of physicians.
Every system has pros and cons and the older I get the grayer (as opposed to black or white) every single human interaction becomes.
I recommend reading the chapters in Ben Goldacre's Bad Pharma on how drug reps sell to doctors and the the studies on drug rep influence. Not very optimistic.
I did like the end where they talk about how many of our children are being drugged to deal with normal childhood behavior. I have a grandson that was diagnosed with ADHD when in kindergarten. Thankfully they withheld the drug on weekends and when there was no school.
I haven't commented in a long time, but still read as often as I can. My DH cannot stand for me to be on the computer, but sometimes I just have to have some contact or information from the outside world. My DH is in his 3rd year since diagnosis but I think he is stage 5 comparing him to others here who have stated symptoms. At this moment, he keeps coming in from the bedroom with the tv remote and the phone, wanting to know which one to use. He has been in five times so far, so I took the phone out and told him I would bring it to him if it rang. Just trying to get him interested in a show he used to like. He just doesn't pay attention to most tv anymore and stares off at nothing, then starts asking a question he has already asked 10 times. He no longer drives (2 years) and will not let me out of this house without (had to stop and tell him I had the phone and that he had the remote) him. He gets away from me in the grocery store and I have to have him paged and Amber alerted. He carries a cell phone but has forgotten how to use it, and won't answer it when I try to call him. I try to shop and keep looking behind me for him, sometimes he gets in front of the cart and I almost run over him several times. At least I go with a list or I would go home without half of what I need. I have no help whatsoever. Two of his daughters are 15 minutes away but to busy with their own lives to care what I have to do for their Dad. Two sons who are out of state and in denial and have cut us off so they don't have to 'deal' with anything. (he had to come in again and ask the same question again) Phewww! My doctor gave me an anxiety pill but it made my groggy and have a headache, so I stopped it. She also gave me Ativan which he takes, and it seems to help a little when I finally take a half tab occasionally. She said it is addictive so it will be far and few between tabs. I do feel so lonely and heartbroken and sometimes think I am going out of my mind. DH loves me terribly I know, but he can be so mean and cruel to me sometimes. We have been married 33 years. I just turned 60 and he is 75. I don't want this kind of life but I promised God I would take care of him. I see here how bad it can get and don't know if I can honor that promise til the end. It would help so much if someone, anyone would take a few hours off of me occasionally, but promises are all I get. Three years without any time off. He doesn't really know he is like he is, just that he can't remember things. When he is mean or cruel he later comes to apologize, but just can't remember what he has done, just knows I am crying and hurting and that he must have done something. He performs fairly good around visitors and family that I take him to visit. They cannot fathom what I am living through. Well, rambling pretty good here, just feel like a zombie right now. I guess I better go take care of him, he's looking for another phone. Thanks to all on this sight that share and commiserate.
Junebug2. I am sorry you are dealing with this with no family support. When you were talking about the grocery store I know how hard that is. My DH does the same thing. He will start to follow other people. I constantly am looking over my shoulder. I Am worn out after getting him in the car to get to the store. My DH can be very mean at times. He has gotten nicer as of late. I don't know if that is part of the progression. So hopefully he will change too. I know some have gotten that way further into the disease. Mine was bad at the start and only occasionally now. My heart goes out to you. I too am a zombie. I have a hollow feeling that seems to never go away. Everyone here is wonderful in supporting each other.
I have noticed the last few months my hb is getting impatient when we go anywhere - impatient with how long lights take to change, impatient when people do not get going fast enough, impatient with inconsiderate drivers. Today I pulled up to the highway to make a left turn an a truck pulled into the lane to turn right which blocked my view for on coming traffic. A truck pulled up next to me to go straight across which blocked my view even more as I had pulled up some to see around the truck turning right. Normally if we call them anything it is 'jerk'. Today, my husband who never in the past used profanity says 'you jackass'. I told him not to use that language and he said 'sorry, it came out before I had time to stop it'. Now I know we are in a new phase. Just wish this disease would go its course sooner rather than later.
Also he takes the dog out but without a leash he is suppose to stay on the road behind us. He keeps walking back around the dumpster which takes him in the park. He doesn't see that as a problem even though he knows they should be on leash. I keep asking him 'how would you protect her if another dog came at her or worse, she took off running after a dog, will you be able to catch her?" We have not gotten her trained to come to us or stop when we tell her too when she takes off - getting there but not there yet. He understands what I am saying but we all know 'here this minute, gone the next minute' is their life.
Just to add my "baby" rant....I feel so anxious this evening. I think the change in the time has affected Dan a little bit, plus our youngest son, who had been back here at home with us (out three times, back three times!) has moved far away - to Tokyo. It's a change for me as I had come to depend on his presence in the house when he wasn't at work. Especially at night, because I don't hear. Anyway, he had to do what he had to do & I'm not sure if Dan exactly knows what's going on or not. Last evening, he asked me if .... was working late. I said no, he has moved. He seemed thoughtful for a few seconds, then said oh, he's in Tokyo isn't he? It seems to go in & out, but I'm sure it's affected Dan in a way we don't see. Today Dan's sister came to visit - she usually makes me VERY nervous with constant chatter & unnecessary laughter (a family trait!), but it went well. I can tell when she leaves, however, that his routine (?) has been upset. Then there was the television. He uses the remote without even looking at the buttons, can't see them without his glasses anyway. He had things so screwed up (I will never figure out how he got it so messed up) that I called our cable company first, then I had to call the manufacturer of the television, then finally the TV repair service. They were so kind to me, one of their service reps stopped by to help on his way home from work. Otherwise, it would have been Friday! What was I going to do with him for two & a half more days without his television!!! I was EXTREMELY upset with Dan, I told him that he was not going to be able to use the remote anymore & that I would take care of the TV. I got several dirty looks, but he didn't say much. I simply am not going to pay for a service call every time he messes it up (although now I think I know what to do myself).it's just been very trying today, I'm going to take some relaxation meds the doctor prescribed for me. If he gets up through the night (He usually doesn't), so what. Sometimes I just get so emotionally worn out - whatever happens, happens!
Mim, When my husband was at about Dan's stage, he stuffed paper towels down the hopper of our pellet stove and burnt out the auger motor. (The auger is the thing that feeds the wood pellets into the fire box in a controlled way.) It was an expensive repair and it was all I could do not to get angry about it. There is a reason we are all going broke!
Mim do you have cable or satellite? Would it work to get a cheap remote and do not program it to work with the TV only change the channels? I have a cheap walmart one that hb uses. He can only change the channel and volume. If he messes anything up he changes the channel on the tv from 3 (needed for the cable) to another channel. Then it is an easy fix. On the cable box his remote will only change the channel.
I'm wondering, is it the changing of the season, just past the full moon, almost to the next full moon or something else. I have been so anxious for the past few days. My heart is just jumping our of my chest. Is anyone else feeling this way? I'm not usually like this. Usually I am in control and feel pretty great. Cloudy and might rain a little bit in Montana this morning.
Switching to Daylight Savings Time has made me very tired. The change to EST in the fall is easy, but the spring change where we lose an hour of sleep is hard for some reason. Also, I've had heavy extra babysitting and child-chauffeuring to do because of the grands getting colds…and now DD doesn't feel well either. Sheesh. Today again I have the four-year-old all day because he is sick. It means two days in a row, and two days not getting outside and getting my walk. I can't wait for March 21…New York, here I come!
Charlotte ,we have basic cable, but the remote we need to use came from the cable provider. It's so complicated to me, but last year we had to have a digital adapter box installed if we wanted to keep receiving television signals. They switched completely to digital from analogue signal, so in order to receive a picture we had to convert. I still have the original remote, so the nice guy showed me what to do with that one if it gets messed up again. Actually, we have many remotes - Dan kept losing them, so I bought universal remotes each time. Then my son was here, helping search & found them when he turned over the recliner & there they were, all lost somehow down in the chair!! Oy.....!
We have one of those $5 cheapos from Walmart and it works with our cable box. It will only turn the box off/on and change channels. The same with the TV. To bring up the menu on the TV I need to use the TV remote (which is stored away). We only have basic cable too.
I can relate to Junebug 2's experience at the grocery store. My husband shops with me and is always 10 paces behind me. It's especially trying when he wants to push the cart. I constantly have to redirect him. I realize he is trying to be helpful.
Had an experience on an elevator in a 4-floor medical building. When I got off on the 2nd floor, I assume he was following me. When the elevator door closed, I realized he was not with me. I hit the down button and luckily he was still on the elevator when it again reached the 2nd floor. Now I make sure he is in front of me, not behind.
My husband ask if I need a cart. I tell him yes cause it gives you something to do (vs stopping to chat which I don't say). I also will often grab the front of the cart. I did this when the kids were little and wanted to help.
He was there when I got in on the ground But then he was gone when I turned around He left me like that Frantic to come back And next time, mind In front, not behind
Ohhh, I've got the elevator blues And weeping ain't no use Because I do the shuffle To fix the kerfluffle And weeping ain't no use In these here elevator blues
There was a time when ladies went first But that was before the whole damn burst Or that's what I recall So long now after all Ladies first, mind In front, not behind
Ohhh, I've got the elevator blues And weeping ain't no use Because I do the schuffle To fix the kerfluffle And weeping ain't no use In these here elevator blues
...I lost her a few times and remembering what that felt like makes me sick to my stomach.
Do any of you remember Dr Joshua Uy? I was going through my bookmarks and found the one to his blog. Here is the link: http://thegeriatrician.blogspot.com/
If you go about 1/2 way down the page there is his blog : Are PET scans good enough to diagnose dementia. Basically they are not. I would copy and paste it here but not sure it would be OK with him so you can go read it there if you are interested.
Anyone else have trouble accessing this site this morning? It seemed to freeze on me halfway through a message I was typing. I had to disconnect and reenter through Google.
I presume that these "monthly" threads (is that what they're called?) are for anything we want to share. If I'm wrong, somebody let me know.
At any rate, there was a strange occurrence with Dan this evening, the first of this kind for him (that I've been aware of). After we ate supper, he wanted to go for a ride (somehow I just knew he would say this - I know him so well!). So I took my camera, we drove through the park for a little while (nothing to photograph either!) & then came on home. As we came to our street, he read the name on the street sign, then wondered if the house was still there....I told him it was there when we left. As we approached the house, he read the house numbers & as I pulled into the driveway, he told me not to turn in here or drive back to the garage (detached). I asked him if he was kidding with me, then he said to never mind. I think he didn't know where he was, or he thought it was a home he used to live in & didn't think I should be pulling into the driveway.
Another small indication that things are changing, little bits at a time. Hope I'm ready for this - if anyone is ever ready for this!! Hope this is making sense, because I'm getting a headache, & I've been so "sinus-ie" that sometimes it fogs up my brain...:)
Yes, sorry to say it sounds like he is getting confused about his home.
This did happen with my husband last summer. First, he could not remember his address . Later, one day after a walk ,he refused to go into our house insisting he didn't live there. Took three family members and an hour of coaxing to get him inside.
Every change breaks another piece of our heart. I understand.
Mim, when I was talking to you over coffee about Larry hating his six weeks of Rehab after the pneumonia…begging and pleading to come home….getting depressed….just not adjusting at all to the NH and driving me crazy with wanting to go home, I forgot to tell you this: When the day of discharge came, and I drove him home, as we drove through the neighborhood and pulled in the driveway, he said, "Is this our house? I don't remember it. It doesn't look like our house."
I realized that something like this would happen eventually, but it was kind of unsettling for me. He just seemed disoriented for a short time. This morning he seems to be Dan! So far at least!
My husband thinks the house we've lived in for 23 years is a place he is visiting and he wants to go home to the house where his wife lives (we've been married for 56 years and he does not usually know who I am.)
Today he is very restless & wants to "go for coffee". I want to stay home - I have laundry to do, we're choking on the dust in the house, the floors need cleaning.....oy, I hate it when things go like this! I suppose I'll have to take him out for a coffee. It's quite sunny today & I think he equates that with warm weather - it isn't warm!! I probably won't get anything done that I want to get done (I know - wah, wah, wah), I'll come home & sit at the computer or fall asleep. I suppose the dust will wait for me, but that's what I've been saying for weeks now!! :)
It will be interesting to see if he reacts to coming home like he did last evening. Maybe the broad daylight instead of dusk will make a difference in his perception of "home".....
Hi Mim, I think that one of the most frustrating things is having to turn away from what you're doing whenever the whim of your spouse demands your attention. I never had kids but I guess that's what it's like with young children - you just can't get anything done.
When my husband was at home, I found myself in that position all the time and I ended up stopping what I was doing and giving him my full attention. I was lucky that we eventually got several days of day care paid for by the VA, so at least I had some time to myself. It allowed me to hang onto what was left of my sanity. I wish you had something like that -- either day care or an aide to take him out for a couple of hours -- to give you a break. I know what it's like being on duty all the time and it's not easy.
Thanks Myrtle.....it can be a major nuisance!! He would NEVER, at this point, accept someone coming in to help. He still does for himself with the bathroom, dressing, etc. so we haven't progressed that far. A couple of bathroom accidents lets me know what I'll be in for! I do have the phone number of a liaison for the VA, but of course I'm dragging my heels. That will probably need to be done soon. I've taken the paperwork to the doctor for Dan's driving privileges to be revoked, so that's one small step in the right direction.
We ended up going to Barnes & Noble Cafe' for a sandwich & coffee, checked on a couple of things I'm looking for at Lowe's, then came on home. The blue skies have totally disappeared, dark & cloudy - again! When we came home, we both fell asleep! At least I'm not going to worry about making supper.
You mentioned that this is what it must be like with small children - it is & it isn't. Little ones do demand time & attention, but when I had mine we still used playpens! Put them in the playpen with toys & they were as happy as can be. Maybe someone could come up with adult sized playpens!! Although I guess it would be more like a cage, wouldn't it? :)
Divvi, you mentioned in an earlier post that you thought of moving. May I suggest that you wait for a year after your DH's death? Moving is super stressful. According to health professionals, moving is considered to be the #2 stressor, coming after death of a spouse. I started to go through the motions after Eric died, and it just about killed me. In the end, I decided to stay here, and I'm glad I did.
Ol don: well, you really started something when you gave us the link to then eagle cam. I have become addicted. It has been a turbulent time for them, what with Ozzie making the headlines with his broken clavicle, and Harriet having to hunt and protect E6 . Thanks for the experience.
E-6 fledged a day or so ago--he (she?) is getting so big. I am also watching the eagles at Berry College in Georgia. Growing like weeds. And now the eggs in Hanover, PA have hatched, and those little fuzz balls are so cute. Yes, so many eagles, so little time. (Don't worry, I really do do other things.)
Guess what I did today? I adopted a cat. She's a 3½ year-old long-haired orange tabby. Very shy. She's been hiding under the bed since we got back from the shelter. Amazingly, her name is "Fluffy" (the same name as the cat in Wolf's Christmas Lodge!) but I'm going to change it to something else as soon as I can come up with a good name. I have not had a cat for over a year now - both my 16-year old boys died last winter - and I was really getting lonesome for a fuzzy creature. I may get another cat to keep her company but I want to wait until she adjusts to being here.