I went to visit Kevan today. I had coffee with him and a number of his friends. He was having such a good time. They are all fairly functional like he is and seem to enjoy teasing each other. When we left we were walking back to his room to get my coat and told me he had a new girlfriend. She comes and sits at his table after meals and talks with him. He has had two others, but both really don't know anyone now. I just told him she must need a friend and he agreed. At least this one doesn't glare at me when she sees me. I left for home and as I drove away I realized that I wasn't upset or crying this time. He seems to have settled in finally and just likes to come home for a few hours every week. I came home and after a few hours I realized that I wasn't feeling that terrible loneliness that usually takes over me after I visit with him. I am not getting out anymore then before but I am doing more crafts. I just feel at peace. One of the comments on here this week was" that I didn't promise to die with him or for him" I found that comment gave me a release that I Must have needed. I won't "get on with my life" or will I not visit but I know now that I can do both and still live my life on my own. Thank you
Jazzy. I am so thrilled for you. You are moving on in spite of this horrific disease. What a step forward. Peace in the heart and mind is priceless. This disease will not take you along with it. Lots of love.
I was geting upset with myself because everyone was saying get out and join this or that group. I was feeling like I was not building my new life like they said I should. I finally realized that I was never the social butterfly that went into a room and joined all the conversations and instilled myself into the groups. That was Kevan. He would always give me a hot tongue when we were on our way home because he said I slinked around and never pushed myself into a crowd. He was right as I am very shy and would rather sit and watch all the action. If someone came over to speak to me I was fine and often ended up with a friend from that but I never made the first move. I am not interested in joining, I would rather go and take a course on some kind of craft and then come home and enjoy doing it. I am pleasant with the others in the group but I like to do my own thing. Finally remembering who I really am and what I like to do and how I like to do things has really helped me let go of my fears of being alone. I like to read and I sew, do cross stitch, stained glass, crochet, knit and I love happy movies and music. I think I can keep myself pretty occupied with all those things to help. Tomorrow I am off to buy some material to make myself three summer nighties. I want them just above the knees. Hum!! I wonder if I should make the matching panties??? LOL I live alone so I guess I really don't need them!!!! LOL I feel really positive and good and I thank all of you for your comment.
doing the happy dance!!!!!!!! there is alot to be said about "peace" once you reach "personal peace" you can see the elephant in a more pleasant light. good for you girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kevan and I are off shopping tomorrow. He is not good today. Very tired and has gone back to bed. Tomorrow is off for groceries, material for my nities that I want to make for summer. I am also putting in my application for a smoke free apartment that has a very long waiting list. I can bring my Willy with me. I will likely be about five year wait but I am fine with that. Rent will be just right for me. I'm looking forward to being able to plant my flowers and just enjoy this place for as long as I have.
Hi Jazzy, I'm a little concerned that Kevan could be having a bad day be because he having too many outings. You wrote above that he had finally settled in at the ALF and just liked to come home for a few hours every week, but it looks like he came home on Saturday and Sunday and will be going shopping with you tomorrow. Do you think this could be too much stimulation for him?
We are keeping am eye on that to try to see if that is causing him difficulty. I will check with them next week for their report. I hope not but you could be right.
Well I put my application in for the smoke free apartment today and it may be as early as next spring ( 2016) as they have started to make another building smoke free and it has more units and is in a nicer area. I am having trouble with both my shoulders now. In 1989 I fell while skating and damaged the left shoulder. Then in 1993 I feel on a ice pile at my son's house and damaged the right one. With my sore back, both shoulders and left knee pain I am in big trouble. Since I moved in here and have to do my own snow shovelling and carrying laundry up two flights of stairs I have really stared to hurt. I gave decided that if they call with an apartment for me then I will take it. It has storage and parking and laundry. I will have to downsize a bit but that's alright. I knew this would come but I had hoped to be in this place for five or more years. Just to much. I did find a good handy man to do a few jobs for me so that will help. This will be my fourth move in two years. I am getting tired of moving. Wear and tear and dementia. What a mess. At least they have a social room for activities.
Keep up the "positivity", Jazzy - you sound so good!
I can't imagine moving that much - we've been in our place for 43 years! The day will come for me though, if I outlive Dan, I will have nothing to live on! Probably going to have to look into low-income housing. That doesn't exactly please me, but so be it. There is a couple of pretty decent places around here.
This is low income housing as it is all I can afford with DH's LTC cost. It takes up half of our income. Now taxes, water, gas and electricity are going up. I hear that fruits and veggies as well as meat are on the rise as well. I am paying over a thousand just for utilities and taxes on this place but the apartment will be staring at $565.00 utilities included. That will allow me to enjoy some kind of life. It's only a one bedroom with storage, laundry facilities and a community room. It's not what I had expected to live in at this time of my life but it's what I will have to live with. It will mean that I can afford to have a cleaner come in and do my vac, bathrooms and dusting twice a month. I bought a three section laundry cart so I will not have to carry the laundry basket up and down the stairs. It has wheels and there are elevators. I will not have so much trouble with my back then. We do what we have to do to survive.