Hello to all my friends. Today I have to drag DH to attorney to sign the paperwork for filing for bankrupcy for himself personally and for his business. I had to tell my boys last night that their dad may have to live in a NH if he continues to get worse. DH doesn't think I love him anymore and thinks I am going to "throw" him out. He is becoming more confused by the day. He is agitated and completely out of his mind. I am filling out the Medicaid application and waiting for the doctor's order to be sent to the adult daycare so he can start the program, hopefully by next week. But, that's only six hours twice a week! He is sleeping more, depressed and scared. I am trying so hard to keep it all together and accomplish all that I need to accomplish, but I am scared too. I try to reassure him that I love him and will take care of him, but he is suspicious and he can tell by the way I "stay away" that things have changed. I am patient and kind and take care of him the best I can. I am not capable of anything more where he is concerned. I have so much resentment toward him. I need that rope that everyone always talks about.... : ( someone please throw it to me....
When I was going through a similar ordeal with my husband's business a good friend said to me, "You eat the monster one forkful at a time." Try to focus on what you need to do just today so it doesn't seem so overwhelming. And, yes, it IS overwhelming.
You are showing your boys how to manage adversity and somehow get through it. Some day you will look back and think, "I managed to deal with THAT? How did I do it?"
I wish we all were neighborhood friends so we could physically help. We know and we care.
Christine0815 I just jumped through cyberspace and I'm standing behind you helping your hands stay clutched around the knot in that rope.
I am on my third go-round with this little House of Horrors otherwise known to me as the Dementia Circus. The first time with a totally whacked out 1000 pound horse trying to kill me daily who had been my pride and joy and my best friend. The first time came close to killing my very soul. The second time was with my beloved Mother who I loved even more. To watch this loving woman turn into just as crazy a beast as my horse (I still have a scar on my head where she wacked me with her grabber tool) was so painful I wanted to die.
What got me through and what will get you through is your babies you are tasked with keeping safe and raising without their father. I took everything one minute, one day at a time because I had other babies (animals) depending on me. You will be able to do what you have to do - you will do it for the love of your children and because nothing in the world is tougher than a Mamma Grizzly.
Hi Christine, When my husband was diagnosed my primary emotion was fear. (My father had died of Alzheimer's 17 years before that, so I knew what to expect.) And I did not have any kids, as you do, and was not dealing with bankruptcy, as you are. In the beginning I fell apart. My husband interpreted that as rejection of him and thought he had nowhere to turn. Gradually, I got hold of myself and started to pretend that I was calm, strong, and self-confident. I made a conscious decision to be nicer to my husband and before long, he started to see me as his friend and ally again. Although most people now think I'm strong and confident, I'm not.
I know the day care isn't much but at least it will give you a six-hour break from thinking about him. I second what marche said about the monster. Also, although we are not neighborhood friends, you and I live at opposite ends of the same state. I occasionally have to be out your way so if you ever want to get together, let me know and we'll exchange contact information.
Christine, believe me, you have a lot of company hanging onto that rope with you. Always room for more (sad, though, isn't it?) The rope of support on this site is large & strong. It never becomes too short or weak - hang with us!
We all deal with different problems connected with this disease, but there is a common thread that runs through us all. {{{ hugs to you }}}
I know the fear and pain so well. We all do. Just keep telling yourself you will get through this. Grab strength from the love of your children.
Take one step at a time. I used to write a simple , small list of things I had to do each day. It started with Get out of bed, brush my teeth, take a shower, get dressed. Then , I would check off. Some days, that's as far as I got all morning. Then visit my DH. Sometimes, that's still all I do in a day. You, of course have to take care of your boys and DH for now. Remind yourself, you are brave and strong. Hugs
Christine, Lorrie’s message reminds me of something Marche wrote some time ago … along the lines of the advice Lorrie gave you – make a plan, follow it step by step, and just keep moving forward.
Like the others, I make a list of the most important things that need to be done daily, and cross off what have been done – making a new list for tomorrow first – it really helps you to keep on top of things, i.e. rent, bills, etc. It is so easy to slip up if you don’t have a plan. I couldn't function otherwise.
My husband is now about a year in LTC – for me, in one way, it has not gotten easier, but I also know that if I simply CANNOT attend to him, there is someone who will be there for him. In your case, that would leave you are free to look after your boys.