My new blog looks back at where I have been in this Alzheimer war and where I go next. I do believe it is one with which all of you can relate, even if your spouses are still at home with you. And it is certainly applicable to those of you who are widowed. I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read it. Please post comments here. Thank you.
I have been struggling with becoming social, never an easy thing for me. I've been on a service named http://meetup.com and get weekly notices of various meetings and activities but there was little of interest or times didn't work. Today I got a notice of interest, explored the site for the first time, updated my profile and found many groups of interest to me. Nothing to do with caregiving (though I had caregiving and dementia in my interests) but found many board gaming groups. I was surprised by the number of groups associated with meetup. I don't know if this site is regional or national in scope but it might be of interest for those looking for groups of people with similar interests, especially outside of the caregiver community.
MeetUp is national. You put your zip code in and groups in your area come up. It is how I found the writer's group. I was looking for something far removed from caregiving that interested me. I gave this one a try and loved it. There are groups for every interest imaginable.
I have ventured outside my comfort zone since moving to a new and rural area. There is absolutely nothing to do within 30 miles or so I tried meeting.com - nothing at all near me. I have gone to the senior citizens place 25 miles away - twice - no one showed up the second time. The first time - it was like the ALZ center where I took my DH. Went to another one just for singles - not for me. I've about given up. I can't volunteer right now because of my unwell doggie. Can't leave her alone more than 3 hours -but I would have to drive more than an hour to get there and back to volunteer - so no time left. My computer, Kindle and bad TV are working overtime.
I envy those of you in area that have activities nearby. Take advantage of them all you can.
I could so relate to everything you wrote Joan. Very difficult trying to navigate life when as you say, we are not widows and married only in name.
I have been pushing myself to meet people and take part in some things. I find most of them exhausting. My advocacy role for my husband seems to take most of my energy. A lot of the time I believe my life has become dementia 24/7.
I know the importance of social interaction for my health. Hard to make new friends at this stage of life. And I have limited energy to offer new relationships. Sigh.
I didn't know about MeetUp and will see if they exist in Canada.
Yes this finding out who we are and what we want to do etc is not easy. This Friday, if my cold will let me, I am going to go to the monthly aviators luncheon about an hour and half drive from home..Of course it will be the first time without my hubby who was the pilot. The meetings have just begun again as the organizer of the group has had to help his wife with some health problems last year. It will be out of my comfort zone but I'll give it a go.. My other friends here want me to go to a fund raising gala..quite formal..I have nothing to wear, the dinner choices are fish which I am allergic to so that in and of itself is enough to allow me to send my regrets...Truth to is that it is such a couples thing and I hate 5thwheelitis..
I am in such a depth of sorrow I don't know what I'll do. I committed to going to dinner at my friends' house tomorrow night, and I'm dreading it. I don't need to pretend to be better than I am with these people, but it still feels like I'm going to the torture chamber. I have nothing to talk about. I'm just a walking pillar of pain. Other friends invited me to a local casino for an afternoon lunch and concert, but I know I won't be able to go. I get panic attacks just thinking about it. What if we're in a car accident? What if my husband needs me while I'm gone all afternoon? My therapist said that if I really feel like it will be emotionally dangerous for me to go, I should just say no. I'm nowhere near ready to be normal yet. It doesn't feel as though I'll ever be able to be normal as long as he's alive, and God only knows what I'll be like when he's gone. It's too much to think of.