Tim won the war....take THAT Alzheimer's! He slipped away to his ultimate healing at 5:40 this evening. He was hospitalized for med adjustments. He wouldn't eat and drank very little. He lost down to 155#. His normal weight was around 180-185. I begged for a Hospice eval and he was approved. They transferred him over yesterday eve and immediately started pushing meds to calm him down. He went from thrashing in bed unable to tell us what was wrong to sleeping so peacefully. His last 2-3 weeks of agitation had completely worn him out. Without further meds today...his resp started getting more and more shallow. He slept in my arms until he just stopped breathing. I felt his heart beat just a little longer and then he was gone from the grip of this disease. I am so thankful that just 2 weeks ago he could still walk with assistance and communicate with me. I prayed earnestly that the Lord would take him before we entered the final stage of weeks...months...years confined to bed with no quality of life remaining. I am so thrilled to have those prayers answered and I am sure that he is in God's presence now. AD won some battles with us, but the victory is ours!!!
AuntB*, It is so comforting to read your positive post about Tim being relieved from the agony of the AD monster. I am happy that you were able to still communicate with him just 2 weeks ago. The victory is indeed yours. Please accept my condolences and go forth with your life with gusto. (((Hugs))
Bless you Aunt B*, you are right, you finally got one up on the Alzheimer monster and we are grateful, along with you that your dear husband Tim will no longer suffer. Take care and surround yourself now with those who love you and loved your husband.
Aunt B (((hugs))) for you, praise that you and him are both free of Alzheimer's. WE all know that it can drag us down with it too. Your attitude I find so refreshing - wanting him to go quickly vs the long drawn out goodbye. God Bless and may He fill you with peace and comfort that only He can give.
So glad to hear that your and Tim's battle with this disease is over, and that he is free at last. Such a blessing that you were with him and could hold him in your arms until the end. God bless.
My deepest sympathies to you and your family and I love your words. Your prayers were answered for sure, now it is time for you to recuperate. Lots of rest.
Aunt B*, yes indeed you and Tim beat the alzheimer's devil at it's own game. I am sorry for your loss but I'm glad you were with him until the end ad his passing was peaceful. Your positive attitude is refreshing.
Aunt B* - you and Tim are very fortunate to beat the final stages of AD. Our medical system is disgraceful. I have never had a vet that would allow a horse or any other animal to suffer the way AD patients and their spouses do. If the vets had to, they would call in law enforcement if an owner was allowing an animal to continue to suffer until death when they were afflicted with something that was not curable.
God bless you for your beautiful words. So happy to know it was a beautiful and peaceful passing, it's what we would all want for our spouses. You are right, he is at peace and whole again. Take care of yourself in the days ahead.
Aunt B, you have given me hope that my prayers too will be answered. My husband is still walking and communicating. God bless and I am sorry for your loss but really this is a reason to rejoice.
Aunt B*...glad to hear that your loved one is at peace. And though I am sorry for your loss, I understand perfectly what you are saying. You both fought a long and tough battle.
Aunt B,Sorry for your loss but so thankful Tim had such a peaceful death. It is what I pray for Sonny , to free him from this terrible disease.May you find peace.
How wonderful your prayers were answered in this way. Most of can only hope something like this will happen for us. My prayer is you get through the coming months still feeling this way.
We are going to have a graveside service here in the National Military Cemetery here in Nashville. He will have full military honors. He was a veteran of the US Marine Corp and was a very proud and patriotic soldier. He would be so very proud of this honor. Ya know what they say...once a marine always a marine! And he was passionate about that. In 2-3 weeks (still planning) we will go back home (eastern KY) for a service to celebrate his life. That is where our lifelong friends and family still live. We only moved here 4 years ago and he wasn't able to make any friends here. Weather permitting, I hope to have the local Harley owners club to do a short drive by in his honor. He was never more content, other than in worship of our Lord, than to be on the road...the wind in his face! I am getting kinda giddy knowing how much this would have meant to him!
Aunt B, Your post of Tim's passing touched me in so many ways. How blessed you are that he is now with our Lord and the grip of this disease no longer has a hold on him. How beautiful that you held him in your arms till he took his last breath. The battle is over and his new life has begun. A celebration indeed. God Bless You!
Some thoughts about what Tim might have to say about his journey...if he was able.
The Invisible Enemy
In the prime of my life I had it all. A Savior, a family, my job was a ball! Nothin' was better than a country road With the wind in my face, the sun shining bold.
Life was just grand. We went on some cruises. Kids had moved out, we made no excuses. Just livin' it up the American way. Nope! Not a clue what was coming' our way.
It began so insidiously. Just normal aging? By time of diagnosis it was a' raging. Eyesight affected, simple tasks such a chore. And soon it became too much to ignore.
Keys to the car were taken away. But that was far from my hardest day. My heart always longing for the wide open road. My Harley, my gear, it had to be sold.
The walls closing in, I lost more and more. Daily, it seemed, the closing of doors. As I lost independence, I kept up the fight. Soldiering on to a most certain plight.
My family was there. They never once wavered. Respected and loved, I felt really favored. Gentle and patient they pretty much seemed. Together we made a very good team.
No real treatment options. No hope for a cure. I'm tellin' ya folks, too much to endure. There's no way to do it all on your own. Even with family, you feel all alone.
So now, while you can, before it's too late. Accept God's free gift, please do not wait. You just never know your future, your fate. But you need the assurance of those Pearly gates.
Love hard and live well. Do good to others. Encourage, uplift your sisters and brothers. Press into your Savior; God's only Son. He'll carry you home when your war is won.
Alzheimer's reeks havoc in this world of ours. Robs and destroys precious lives by the hour. But one place it never will bring ugliness, is within God's kingdom, our promised fortress.
Aunt B., that is marvellous. Thank you for sharing with us. I'm sure a lot of caregivers magazines would love to see it. It is wonderful to see how you handled the journey, the gratitude you expressed that Tim ended as he did, and now you are moving on in such a positive way. Tim would be SO proud of you.
It may resemble parts of your lives too. I just wanted to include things that were precious to him...he loved his job, travel, his service in the Marine Corp (soldiering on), and his motorcycle!!! I used to accuse him of rubbing on that thing more than he did on me haha. He detailed it weekly!!! He also had an insatiable hunger for God's word. His spiritual gift was that of an encourager. Even the nursing home staff said that he was always encouraging them and other residents. He was a good guy!
What is so beautiful about your poem is that it gives us a sense of what Tim was like in his prime. The words, the rhythm, and the rhyming structure all combine to form a picture of a strong, energetic, generous, and confident man, grounded in his family and in his faith. I agree with marg78 - that a caregivers' or similar magazine might publish your poem.
I hope that you found comfort in writing this. I find that the discipline of finding the right words is very calming and satisfying.
Aunt B, I hardly know what to say. You are a model of faith, acceptance & love. You have said everything so eloquently - I hope & pray that I will be able to imitate you when our time comes. Even so, I send heartfelt sympathy for the loss of your love, for the battle you have both fought & praises for your victory.
A beautiful poem Becky.........You really have to know a lot of words to make a poem like that , and you have a great talent for putting your precious thoughts into prose.
What a beautiful salute to your dear husband...and how courageous of you to be willing to send him off with joy. I am so happy for both of you that in the last days he was able to be comforted. Blessings and Peace to you and your family.
I need Wolf to come along and give me an honest critique. I am thinking about reading it at his memorial service. The family there will "get" it since it references him in a lot of places that a regular person wouldn't get since they didn't really know him. Or anyone else with any literary giftedness. I am not sensitive about it...just want it to be the best that it can be.
In the prime of my life I had it all. A Savior, a family, my job was a ball! Nothin' was better than a country road With the wind in my face, the sun shining bold.
Life was just grand. We went on some cruises. Kids had moved out, we made no excuses. Just livin' it up the American way. Nope! (Changed Nope! to hide the double use of way in case you print) Not a clue what was coming' our way.
It began so insidiously. Just normal aging? By the time of diagnosis it was a' raging. (added 'the' before time rhythms works) Eyesight affected, simple tasks such a chore. And soon it became too much to ignore.
Keys to the car were taken away. But that was far from my hardest day. My heart always longing for the open road. (took out 'wide' to improve rhythm without losing image) My Harley, my gear, it had to be sold.
The walls closing in, I lost more and more. My days seemed full of closing doors. (changed from 'Daily, it seemed, the closing of doors') As I lost independence, I kept up the fight. Soldiering on to a most certain plight.
My family was there. They never once wavered. Respected and loved, I could feel their favor. (changed from 'I felt really favored' to more formal acknowledgment) Gentle and patient they pretty much seemed. Together we made a very good team.
No real treatment options. No hope for a cure. I'm tellin' ya folks, too much to endure. There's no way to do it all on your own. Even with family, you feel so alone. (changed from 'all alone' to emphasis and personalize more)
So now, while you can, before it's too late. Accept God's free gift, please do not wait. You just never know your future, your fate. Or when you're before those Pearly gates. (changed from 'But you need the assurance of those Pearly gates')
Love hard and live well. Do good to others. Encourage, uplift your sisters and brothers. Press into your Savior; God's only Son. He'll carry you home when your war is won.
Alzheimer's reeks havoc in this world of ours. Robs and destroys precious lives by the hour. But one place it never will bring distress, (changed from 'will bring ugliness' too superficial for the message) is within God's kingdom, our promised fortress.
Aunt B, you can leave it the way it is. The changes I've suggested are minor. The only one I would recommend more strongly is the last one where bringing ugliness to God's kingdom isn't a sufficient point in the context.
This is good work with a tonality that hardly dips into your real pain but mentions it, tells your story with good images and extent, portrays the descent, warns without preaching, and ends in God's kingdom. The overall effect is uplifting even as you tell the painful story. I think you've done well here and it will be well received. It is also your words and if you can have a standby who will step up and read it for you. It deserves to be heard.
Wolf, thank you so much! I like your suggestions. Especially the "so alone" instead of "all alone". It really does make you so much more acutely aware of HIS feelings that way. Now, one more question...in verse 7....should I take out the word "real" for better flow of the rhythm? I kinda feel like it is lying since there are the meds that try to hold the disease at bay. But, yet, do they really even work??? And, BTW, the word fortress had to be used because it is one of the words in his favorite verses. So glad you didn't change that one. I am not sure if I will read it or have one of my sisters do it. We'll just have to ponder on that.
Aunt B, this is beautiful. You have quite a gift to be able to tell your husband's story so eloquently - and in rhyme! You took care of your husband so lovingly and now you will honor him with your poem. I wish you well.