In all my threads I have talked about how Kevan's behaviour has been out of control for maybe ten years. He was at home with me with caregivers for a year then chose to go to LTC. It's been 16 months in LTC with one problem after another. I had a bad time with his controlling attitude as did staff. About three days ago he did an about face and has settled down and you would swear that he has had a healing except for short term memory. Very strange. He has given up trying to run the LTC. No more sleepless nights. Just after Christmas I took away his internet access to our bank accounts and stopped discussing any repairs needed to the house. I also stopped his being able to talk to businesses about this house. Things like gas and electricity. Maybe by removing these things from him it took off the pressure and he can now just live and take part in the life at the residence. I can't understand this change but he is happier and so am I. The staff are really enjoying this. I also stopped bringing him home or taking him out for coffee I visit him there for an hour to two in the mornings two or three times a week. This seems to work. He loves wheel and jeopardy so some times I call him and we watch it together. His progression is evident but so strange so different from others in my family have gone through but staff say he is progressing. Anyone seem this before??
I am so glad you and he have found some peace. Peace is something that I long for and cherish when it comes. Do not look at gift horse in the mouth. Whatever the reason, the result is wonderful!!!!!!!! Enjoy.
Jazzy, I am happy for both you and Kevan that he's settled down and can enjoy his surroundings. My husband is still at home and still has his moments of constant rummaging, and difficult behaviors so although it's better now than it was a few years ago, it's still problematical at times.
I think you're right, now that your husband isn't responsible for all the things he so desperately tried to control and he doesn't have to worry about them, he can probably be more relaxed. For the short time my husband was in LTC I knew I could never take him off the premises because he wouldn't want to go back or would be very badly behaved once he returned. I think the short trips away from the LTC do more to upset them than we know.
Jazzy, so happy that you both are enjoying more peace. I do believe that the more relaxed we are the more relaxed they will be because they take a cue from our emotions. I met with the Medicaid social worker yesterday. The meeting went okay. We started trazodone but he is still up most of the night pacing. Fortunately I have not had to deal with out of control behavior but of course that could change. I only visit 2x a week and no longer take him out. It is just such a chore for me. The social worker tells me it is better for him to be in his normal routine. He is still continent and they have him on a scheduled bowel regimen which seems to work. His main problem if he has trouble finding the toilet.
I find that my wife has shown improvement every time we lifted a responsibility from her, be it managing her pills to her job to caring for her cat. The problem is that someone with dementia will fight hard against losing control over their tasks.
I think his giving up running the ALF is also helping.