Jules, sincere sympathy and wishing you strength for the days ahead. And don't forget Jules*, that it is not an asterisk but a very well earned star. Cassie.
Well we got that done. One final step in the process. Thank goodness I'm one of the lucky ones that have a really good support network of my family and neighbors and community. I will be available to the rest of you for a while if anyone has questions regarding the end, what to expect, how it can go, ect. as I was there for the final week pretty much around the clock. Don't do that. My immune system is shot to hell now. I have a sore throat, sniffles, and a cut that got infected. I guess we know who I need to take care of starting now.
Instead of pallbearers on the program I listed the caregivers and Dr. who carried us these final years. I also listed this support group at www.thealzheimerspouse.com. I would be somewhere blubbering in a puddle of tears without all of you here. Thank you.
Jules, my sincere condolences on the loss of your husband. As I read your post above, I was struck by your idea to list (instead of pallbearers) the caregivers and Dr who carried you and your husband during the final years. What a wonderful idea and I'm sure those listed appreciated your acknowledgement of their dedication and service to your family.
I too like your listing of those who carried you through this disease to the bitter end. Without them. where would we be??
I did not want pallbearers either. So for my Ozzie's service I walked his coffin in to the church. I also had the 3 girls and in the middle, I had one of his brothers to represent his siblings and one nephew to represent all the nieces and nephews..The gents wore buttioneres and we ladies had wrist corsages. I still have mine..
Hospice sent me a booklet to help with grief. It said don't wash all your loved ones clothing right away as their scent on clothes could be comforting. I, of course, had washed everything that came home with me from the nursing home immediately. So yesterday I was going from closet to closet shoving my face into coats and sweaters and hats trying to find anything that still smelled like him. Nothing. Then I felt really bad. I was fine before that loss was brought to my attention.
It may be better not to have anything that still smells like him. I was clearing out a couple of boxes that had not been unpacked after the move from NY, and came upon his tobacco pouch. (Needless to say, he had not smoked for a couple years.) But it still smelled like his tobacco…from back when he was functioning much better and could still smoke his pipe. Waaaaaaah!
I keep his last deodorant in his nightstand drawer--it is Old Spice Original Scent. I just went and smelled it…didn't cry or feel sad…felt comforted. Hello, Larry--I'm thinking about you, babe!
I was just reading your posts again, jules, and was thinking that staying with him around the clock towards the end was a wonderful thing to do for him..and for you, too, I think. Difficult and exhausting in every way, but you will always have the comfort of knowing you were there for him, through thick and thin, right until the end. It will take a while to get your health back…I'm finding as I try to get back to healthy eating and exercise, that is is kind of scary how far I had slipped. This Alzheimers caregiving is astonishingly bad for the caregivers…well, I guess all of us here at Joan's know that.
Elizabeth*9/2/14, it's true that the extent that I/we let ourselves slip is ridiculous and scary. In the last week I have been to the dermatologist, the dentist, and the eye doctor. The dermatologist appointment was made a year ago or I probably would have put that off again. The eye doctor because my glasses were three years old, broken and held together with super glue. I hadn't been to the dentist in longer than I care to admit. I never would have allowed my husband to go without those things on a regular basis. I feel almost guilty only taking care of my own needs now.
I have my husbands bottle of cologne, the only scent he ever wore while I knew him. I spray it on a kleenex and put it under my pillow or in my pocket or in the car. I didn't think this part was going to be as hard as it is. So many years of loss to get ready but still it is difficult.
You are so right mary75*, you just never know when it's coming. Thanks for the positive thoughts, Christine0815.