I would like to offer my sympathy to all who had a rough time over the Holidays and send my wishes for strength in the coming year. I especially feel for those of you who have been let down or imposed upon by friends and family.
I have lived by my Zebra theory for many years. When the lions come into a Zebra herd and take down a member, the rest of the herd immediately run to a safe distance and watch while the unlucky victim is devoured and then run as fast as they can away from the carnage to save their own lives. Occasionally, a mother Zebra may stay behind offering cries of grief until she no longer gets answering cries from her offspring. Then she too runs away to protect her life.
So it is in life with people. I was not surprised and expected the desertion of so called "friends" and family starting a year ago. As long as I am here watching the carnage, I made the decision to halt the "watching Zebra's" curiosity. There are now restraining orders based on our new Elder Care Abuse laws against the Zebra's who were stopping by to drink up Mr. Hostile's expensive booze and then leave me to deal with the aftermath. The Zebra's have also been informed by my attorney that they will also incur liability for serving him alcohol in their homes and letting him drive home since they are aware of his medical condition.
Fascinating analogy, InJail. I think you have nailed a truth here; part being that we are not as evolved as we would like to believe we are.
Placement occurred 15 months ago. For reasons of personal privacy I gave the facility a list of accepted visitors and asked that they deny access to all others and to have them contact the family first. Several with very vague ties have gotten in anyway. What I really wonder is why? They weren't around the first four years of the disease. Do people have to see in person that the resident has advanced dementia? Because, clearly, the resident has no memory of these people, their relationship to work or other interest, and DH cannot even communicate or process anything abstract or otherwise that might be said. I wonder if this is just "rubber-necking" so they can report on the train wreck that AD created. One of the zebras going back for a final look, perhaps?
Good for you for setting limits with a legal clout.
InJail, good work on taking care of the Zebras. I know others who have had much more trouble with them, encouraging her LO to drive (even though he didn't have a license) and drink and spend money on them.
Your theory reminded me of a seminar on surviving the zombie apocalypse. Get physically fit and have slow people with you (so you can outrun them when the zombie attack).
Every morning in Africa, a zebra wakes up and knows that it has to run faster than the fastest lion or be eaten. Every morning, the lion wakes up and knows he has to run faster than the slowest zebra or he will starve to death. When the sun comes up, it does not matter if you are a zebtra or a lion. You had better be running....
good for you!!!!! I had to file a restraining to stop said zebras ( his adult children) from carrying everything out of the house and helping themselves to his money, meds, etc. when the attorney said file a restraining order, a light bulb went on and I thought now why did I not think of that.