When I went to see my husband on Friday evening, an aide was taking a bunch of men from the dementia unit to play bingo in the rec room. Since we were headed in that general direction, she suggested that we join them. I told her I didn't know how to play so she showed me how. (It turns out that few skills are required.) So I ended up tending three bingo cards - one for me, one for my husband, and one for another resident who was unable to play on his own. At first my husband could not point to the correct number but as the game went on, he started to recognize many of the numbers that were called. He seemed to enjoy participating in the activity (especially when I praised him for his prowess) so from now on I'll play with him when it's offered. Thus begins the bingo-playing stage of my life . . .
That's the thing about life, myrtle. You never know what is behind the next door that pops open on your journey Through the Looking Glass. It doesn't sound like bingo was on your top 1000 bucket list, but there you are.
I went to a support group tonight. Unlike the one I went to in Vancouver where they were mostly caregivers for parents, this group is mostly spouses. I gave this site to four of them. I also have a spouse that was diagnosed the longest but many of them are further along. I think that is what tics me off - he is going so slowly. Oh well.
The days have been overcast and chilly - been stuck in an inversion. Temps in the 30s near 40. I should be grateful but I want the sunshine. We had one day last week of sunshine but all the rest for what seems like forever has been overcast. Very depressing. I should be thankful not the cold and snow you back east have gotten, but not.
I understand. Even when there is no snow, it's hard to function without the sun. Have been using my new SAD light but so far it has not improved my mood. Glad that Jasmine is doing well and hope that the support group helps. It's worth a try.
I am hopeful for your support group also. I only tried one and it was all kids my age caring for parents except one gentleman. He was caring for his wife. They were well into their 80's. Just not in the same place as me dealing with EOAD....I didn't go back. I hope you can really get some useful feedback and comraderie from this group of folks!
I was in a support group in the former town I lived in and it was a mixed group if both men and women. We had a great group. Very supportive and we even started going out for lunch with out our partners. It gave us a break and there was lots of teasing and laughter. After I moved I found another group and it is mostly women. We have a few EOAD and the rest are older. We have two who have lost there husbands but come back often to help us with their varied wisdom. I am the only one right now with him in LTC but there are three others who are on waiting lists. I have been able to help them in regards to LTC and the others are helping me with him behaviour issues and encouraging me to get out. I know they are right but it's so damn cold right now that I just stick my nose outside for one minute then hypernate for the rest of the day. Charlotte my husband has been showing symptoms since 2000 so I know what you mean by what tic's you off. I think this will be another seven or eight years to be in this position.
Charlotte, northeast Ohio is one of the gloomiest places in the US. We get what they call lake effect weather from Lake Erie - it's snowing right now (nothing like the east coast got!!). I think most of us around here take vitamin D supplements because we don't get enough sunshine.
Dan is going very slowly in this disease - I think it's going to be a looong haul. He was diagnosed in the spring of 2010, but I realize there was something going on years before that. At the time, I just chalked it up to aging & crankiness. Little did I know. He's going slowly, I'm getting old so I wonder what time I will have left for me, but that's out of my hands. He will be 80 in February & still in pretty good shape physically - maybe that's a blessing that I don't have those things to contend with right now.
Kevan will be 78 in March and is still in good physical shape. It has been four years since diagnosis and 14 since symptoms started to show their ugly face. I think I have a long time in this.
Jazzy, can you pinpoint when you first became aware that something was wrong? I have a general idea, in retrospect, of it being around 2005, on our trip to Mackinac Island, but further back than that, I really can't say.
I too live in northwest Ohio and this time of the year is the pits. I now sit in front of my SAD lamp every morning. It does help. Hubby was formally diagnosed in 2008 but noticed stuff in 2006. He has a lot of health issues and just turned 76. Quite honestly I am surprised he is still alive given his history of surgeries before the Alz diagnosis. He is being moved in 2 weeks to a long term care facility on the same grounds as his assisted living facility. it will be a huge adjustment. I hope it goes well, as adjustments are hard on me also. he will either adjust or not If he does not I look for a faster decline. Honestly I do not understand how people can live in Alaska given so little daylight in the winter.
We were living in the Rockies in a small semi isolated town and he was fighting and yelling at everyone. He would scream and yell at our Priest and he had to have everything his way or else. We moved often because he was so nasty with everyone. We were in a MacDonald's and the hostess came over and asked me if I knew where he was and I said getting coffee, she said you better come and see. There he was laying on his back at the cash in the mud playing like a two year old with two two year olds. They were having a ball. He would stop traffic on a two lane street to give someone hell because they did something he thought was wrong. Clerks in restaurants and store hated to see him come in because he would scream and yell at them if they were to slow or made a mistake. It was embarrassing and scary. Then he started in on me and would insist that I account for ten cents that he was missing from his accounting. Then our son and dil saw him just about get killed when he pulled out in front of a truck to turn left. Then he started to get lost when he went to stores that we shopped at all the time and lost the car and lost his way home. There were nightmares and fighting, and throwing things around the bedroom every night most nights. I quit going into the room without first making sure the light was on as I nearly got a fist in the face. By then I had moved him into his own room to keep from getting kicked and bruised. He never tried to hurt me but the nightmares were so vivid and real to him that I had to be careful. Someone was always trying o kill him. He still has a few of those but not as bad. Once he was put on trazadone it helped. He was wanting everything his way. I wasn't even able to leave my coffee cup,with coffee in it beside my chair while I went to the bathroom. When i can back it was gone. I was so tired and I carried my keys on a climbing hook attached to my jeans belt loop, my credit cards and health card and drivers License and cell phone in my other pocket, just in case I had to get out. I had two little dogs and I kept leaches in the car. I was so happy when he went to residence. When he was in day care he would tell me all kinds of things that happened that never did. He still does that. I just never know but now I just say" really"! This is such a terrible thing to deal with but I thank god that I have not had to do poop or pee patrol or all the things so many of you face each day. You are awesome caregivers. I don't think I could it. I will never forget his eyes when he was on one of his tirades. When wolves are ready to attack their eyes change and Kevan's eyes would look like that when he was angry. It was scary. I haven't seen that since he went in to LTC, but i do wonder if they see it when he gets into one of his aggressive times. Hugs jazzy
Jazzy…….DH would get a look in his eyes, like he wanted me dead. It would send chills through me. It was about 15 years of craziness for us before the dx also. Most of the fighting and yelling was directed at me. Thank goodness once the dx and meds came along, DH mellowed out and was very pleasant more like his old self for the next four years, until he passed. And he thought I was a nice lady.
Sure understand the "wolf eyes" Jazzy. They are there every night after the drinking light goes on. It is much more pronounced when he takes the Aricept on an empty stomach and has 2 or 3 drinks before he eats. I try to get him to hold off on taking the pills until he eats but he won't always cooperate. He always downs his meds with alcohol.
InJail = maybe the aricept is not agreeing with him. It is a know fact that it can cause aggressive behavior in some.
Had to change a wiper blade yesterday. First had to find the wiper. It was in the trunk but it wasn't there so had to look in the bays for it. He took the old one off before I could see how he did it. When the passenger side needed changed he took the old one off and could not get the new one on - the guy next door was home and put it on. This time I had to. It took a while to find the instructions - on the backside of the cardboard on the back but where it could not be seen until the package was torn apart. Easy once I saw how - the Prius is a little different from the previous cars we have had.
Still another day with no sun - been a couple weeks I think we have been stuck in this air inversion (seems longer). If this keeps up we won't even hit 300 days of sunshine this year which is our normal. Unfortunately, snow pack is really low which is not good news for summer.
Wow, Jazzy you've really been through it (as many here have)! Dan hasn't shown that kind of behavior, just argumentative, cranky & sleeps a lot. Sometimes I think maybe he doesn't really have this disease at all, but then something stupid happens. However, I have seen him look at me as though he hates me & maybe would like to hit me. I don't know if that could happen with him as he's always been so unforgiving of men who abuse women, but I know that could change too.
He seems so unsure of himself - he asks me about everything, like he wants to make sure he's right. Of course, if I don't answer to please him, he gets upset with me. He really doesn't even try to drive anymore. Maybe that's because I've just taken it over without comment, as though it's the most natural thing in the world. I'm amazed he hasn't tried to argue with me about that - thank the good Lord. His drivers license needs to be renewed this month, so I'm anxious about that. I don't know whether to let him struggle with DMV or just forget to mention that it needs to be renewed. If it lapses, he'll have to take a driving test. I don't think he could pass that, but it kills me to think of him trying to struggle through it & have his license revoked. What to do, what to do!
We're under a winter storm warning here, so it will be a long couple of days in the house! Our driveway hasn't even been shoveled. I guess I'm going to have to hire someone - oy, yikes!
My husband did not fight it when his expired. He went in, told the lady he had to give it up cause he had Alzheimer's and was getting ID. The lady was really nice, thanked him for doing it. Of course, when he sees it in his wallet he calls it his driver's license but thankfully he never wants to drive.
When Claude's truck quit running in 1999, he decided he was going to quit driving so he didn't get it fixed. He really didn't like to drive anyway (our son doesn't either) and I did most of the driving. When we moved to Texas, he got an ID card rather than a license. This was about 5 years before he was formally diagnosed. Maybe he knew then deep down something wasn't right. There were signs for several years but we never thought of Alzheimer's.
Hi Mim, I can certainly understand that you don't want to rock the boat by reminding your husband that his license is about to expire. Why don't you find out what is involved in getting an ID and whether the person actually has to go the DMV to convert the license to an ID? Maybe the process is explained online.
In our area, a person needs a license or ID for certain services, like using the chair van that's operated by the local public transit company. A severely handicapped woman I know had no license anymore and she needed to use the chair van but it was a real pain for her caregivers to get her an ID - they had to write to the town in KY where she was born for her birth certificate, and then get her photograph taken, etc. I let my husband's license expire since he had a military ID but I don't know what I would have done otherwise. Everything concerning driving is such a touchy issue.
When it came time to renew my husband's DL he wasn't driving either. I just sort of took over driving and always had a reason why I should do it. We can renew licenses online, so the easiest thing for me was to renew the DL and keep it in my wallet along with his medical care card. I did that because it was the easiest way to maintain an identity card. At the time, taking him to the DMV to get it switched to an ID would have been unpleasant for everyone.
Possibly a special case since she is living in an ALF, but my wife switched to a DMV provided ID card when her license expired. Her ID card recently expired and since she lives in another state renewing the ID card would have been a problem, driving for over an hour in each direction would have been too much. I was assured that for her needs her expired ID card would suffice. So far she only needs it for ID when going to outside doctor offices. Her official residence is home for voting and tax purposes (I was told by a lawyer this was OK).
I'm going to have to research our state's DMV, or try to talk to someone there.
So far Dan doesn't even seem to realize this is his birthday month! I hope he doesn't. If he does, I guess I'll just have to take him & see how it goes. The last time (4 years ago), he seemed to have a hard time following the instructions for the eye test, but finally managed to get through it. He also sees the doctor this week. I'll mention it to him (I can do that right in front of Dan, it just doesn't seem to register. Choose words carefully!). He might agree to let DMV know- I think he would if I ask him to.
Mim, Ohio has a state identification card that is a non-driver's ID. I couldn't find it on the BMV website, but I just googled Ohio state identification card (or something like that) and found the information.