I've heard a number of people talk about a "bucket list". I know the "bucket" has another meaning, but I always think of the bucket as the container to hold the want-to-do-someday list. Since my means are a whole lot more modest, I've decided to start a "teacup list". I think the teacup size is a lot more reasonable, and it also means that if it gets too full, I will have to take some of the things out--and do them!!-- so there will be room for more.
In the spirit of this, I've started a modest teacup list. More to the point, I've actually started doing some of the little things for myself that I've been putting off for years. I tracked down an old favorite black and white movie and ordered it. (And it was just as wonderful as I remembered.) I saw a book on the internet that looked interesting, and instead of thinking about maybe getting it "someday", I went ahead and ordered it. I set aside the time and called several family members I had been wanting to visit. They're too far away to drive to see, but the phone calls were really nice. Next on the list is to go to Coldstone Creamery. I don't care if it's ten below zero--the next time I drive in that direction, I'm stopping!
I've heard that making a gratitude list can change your life. Unfortunately, a lot of days I don't feel a lot of gratitude for things that are happening. And the holidays have been really hard to deal with this year. But the teacup list is definitely helping. It's giving me little things to look forward to, on a somewhat regular basis. And it reminds me that I matter, too--and as more than a caregiver.
Now I'm asking myself why I haven't been doing these things all along. Well, the answer to that is easy. It's taking the time, energy and money to do things that's hard. But life is more than caregiving--it has to be more than that. Even if it's just little "teacup" things.
Good for you! You are on the right road for your journey! One small step at a time is the only way to get to the finish line! I started out like you are, and by the end of the road, I found that I had acquired my bucket list - and have gone through all but 3 items on it in 3 1/2 years! I think I need to find new items to put in mine!
What a great idea! A teacup list! I DO feel gratitude for the things in my life but I'm feeling very depressed with my husband entering a nursing home. I'm having a really difficult time adjusting to a new way of life, although in many ways it isn't really all that different. But I'm going to try doing the little things that make life more enjoyable and maybe I'll start feeling different. I think I'll add that pedicure I've been wanting when I get my haircut tomorrow to start.
Yes, this is a great idea! I never made a bucket list as we did almost everything we had talked about after Frank retired. He was diagnosed with lymphoma in 1983 and had been in remission twice so because he had survived so many crises we took advantage of every opportunity to go and do what and when we could afford. When az moved in our world changed drastically as you all know but still we tried to continue living. Now a teacup list for me would include just what Jan K. is doing just allowing myself the little things that before I would skip over. No longer putting that special quilt in the cedar chest but putting it on my bed! Buying the higher priced coffee and that extra special deli sweet -- really cutting loose ;) and I just may get a pedicure - never had one!
Good for all of you. One small step at a time and soon you can do larger ones. Florence a pedicure is wonderful. (Or so, others tell me) For me, not so great at the time because I have sensitive feet, but by the time the polish is being put on, I feel just great.) I get one every other month and I get red polish. In the summer I have her paint a little flower on my big toe. Really makes you feel special. I get my nails done too, with the gel polish, every three weeks. Done neither of those things until 6 years ago. Bought myself some pretty panties and bras. That will definitely "lift your spirits". No more "grannie panties for me". I have silky boy cut animal print, red, pink, black, etc. Same with bras. Don't even own anything to "hold me in and make me look skinnier". Too old to worry about it now. Buy yourself some leggings to wear at home. Top them with a long loose top that is sexy looking. Everyone should want to be "sexy looking" even at home. One of my favorite loves is to go through Mc Donalds drive through and order a ice tea or ice coffee to sip on while I am out. I can make both at home and actually have both at home but I just love doing that. Well, for me, I go by there every day and they are on the right hand side of the road and easy to stop at. You will have something different.
Jan your "tea list" is a great idea. Now, everyone, FORWARD MARCH!!
Oh, thanks, Florence. I forgot that my childhood quilt, made for me by my grandmother in a red and white nine-patch design, will be perfect on the foot of my bed for Christmas. My and Larry's bedroom has a red rug and a red wallpaper border--an attractive, welcoming room--will be much better with that quilt taken out of the closet. And Imohr, how inspiring. I had not given a thought to my underwear. At the risk of feeling embarrassed in front of the guys, (Wolf, hide your eyes…don't read this), I think I will check out the lingerie section at Macy's. I actually bought some perfume, everybody. I like just a tiny spritz of Calvin Klein's Obsession--I like to know I have perfume on, but don't like anybody else to be asphyxiated by it…I wore it twice and then kind of bummed out, but I'm going to go and put some on right now.
OK, quilt on bed and "Obsession" on me. Bedroom looks festive and homey, and I smell good. Four-year-old just said, "I like you Grandma. I like your clothes." (Jeans and tunic sweater.) Four-year-old added, "I love your harp, Grandma. Your harp is beautiful." So other than the fact that my harp is apparently better-looking than I am, all is well in Lizzzi land at the moment.
Thanks for the idea of the teacup list. So much easier to attain than a bucket list…which can be just too much to think about.
Ok, girls! I have really been inspired by this teacup list. After taking my shower, instead of my usual jeans and running jacket, I got dressed up in my good jeans, a pretty floral top and a dressy short sweater over it. I'll look good going into the nursing home to visit my husband. I'm sure everyone will wonder where I'm going! I also decided that, in addition to the pedicure, when I take back a sweater I bought that didn't fit, I will use that money to go to the lingerie department and buy myself a pair of pretty underwear. This I will do after my visit with my husband. When I get home tonight I'm going to take out a beautiful handmade teapot he bought me years ago and I have never used because I was afraid I would break it. It just sits looking pretty on my shelf. If I break it, oh well, at least I got more enjoyment from it than looking at it.
I am absolutely thrilled about your "new look" elizabeth and Bev. It is amazing how much better you will feel by just dressing up for yourself. To add to my previous list I can add I recently found a wonderful cake of soap that I love (Actually at the Greenbrier Resort). I am now soon going shopping for some other fancy soaps. I don't know about you but I have never used fancy soap and for the last 10 years have only used the liquid stuff from WallMart. I take this little creamy cake of soap and while in the shower, just rub it all over my body and the soap just suds and runs down your body. Try it...you will love it. I am going to try Goats Milk soap first. Let's hear it for sexy women - even in my 70's!!!!! (Men on here, don't feel left out, grab yourself some Brute after shave (I can attest that it is wonderful), get yourself some sexy boxy shorts and even a cake of special soap for men. Even though you are the only one seeing them, you will NOT FORGET they are there and I can guarantee you will feel 10 years younger. If anyone has found a wonderful brand of soap, please let me know.
tea cup list is perfect for those of us now trying to figure out how to start all over again..To that end, I have spent a ton of money...first was the driveway that went so far along it got it's own pot hole!!! So in went pavers and I had made a focal point of my husband's naval aviator wings...no easy task that...it took two weeks to cut the pavers but it looks so good..then in went a patio, small one, but the palm tree needed additional soil so a planter had to be built so I added a low wall...and the optical illusion is it looks like I terraced the yard but I didn't. Then on to the front yard..between the deer eating all the roses and the gophers chewing up the lawn and the drought...well out went the grass and I put a small patio out there and little walk ways and extended the wall and added some nice steps.The place looks like a villa...well I think so anyway. Then inside, the balasts in the light fixtures in the kitchen went bad so I took them out, added pot lights and then had to do that in the laundry room too for the same reason. So now it is back to pinching pennies..the funds used were funds ratholed for NH care which.....Things are looking nice. I have decided to declare 2015 MY Year...maybe take a trip somewhere, finish the light fixtures I really want for the foyer and hall way...and getting out my cameras and shooting.. OK a tea cup...maybe I need a coffee mug...
Imohr*, in the spring/summer or warmer weather months, I always use Yardley's English Lavender soap. Love that stuff--it was a basic for my grandmother, and now for me. It is not costly--you can usually find it in the drugstore. Once the weather cools off, I just use unscented Ivory soap and get my good smells from a tiny spritz of perfume. Mimi*, your place sounds nice. I wish there were some way you could post pictures. I just had the garage floor re-done…can't put the car back in until Dec. 17--but it looks sooooo much better. Pricey, of course,(not just a re-surfacing…totally new concrete job) but it needed to be done.
Ideas to cheer up the guys: How about a new electronic gizmo if you can afford it? Or something new for the toolbox.? Or some new music…like a CD or two? If we are talking about nice fragrances, I always loved Drakkar Noir. Or the old basics, like Old Spice. But soap and water is always good. : D
OK, I thought about the tea cup list while I was out Christmas shopping and bought myself a new soft pretty light pink sweater. Been feeling special all day.
Jan K, I love the idea of a teacup list! But mine must be a very pretty, girly type of teacup. I had never thought of the little things I do just for me in that way before. I too am VERY limited in my resources, so I can't go overboard, but there are some pleasures I allow myself - I love, love, love "Pure Grace" from Philosophy. Makes me feel very feminine & clean-smelling. A little pricey, but I NEED it!!
I have also started a journal of what I call "grace gifts" - little moments in life that bring pleasure and/or beauty. I've had a difficult time lately finding something to write in there, but I guess I'm not really paying attention to the little things around me - the way a tree ornament sparkles when the light hits it just right, the way a candle flame moves & sways, the cozy warmth in the morning (before Dan wakes up!) with my coffee & my kindle.
I'll have to think more about what I need to put into my teacup list.......hmmm.
Ok, so bath soaps, frilly undies, colored bras, nice fragrances...oh yah, those are going to work for me.
Everybody must know I support this although I left you ladies alone for a while until it petered out. I felt like I was in a women's powder room or something.
Small things for us are powerful. Some like Imohr are well along the road but when we are struggling to add meaning then small is the way to go at the start.
You can pile up the teacup list though until it overflows out your door - you have to open your heart to them, see if they have a chance, and own them. In the meantime though it's great to have a wish list.
I don't agree by the way that there's such a thing as sexy boxer shorts. I wear briefs. The children need a home.
I bought designer socks. First socks I bought this decade. Threw out all the old white tube socks which were the only things I wore beside black dress socks or no socks. I like them.
I treat myself at bakeries. Not supermarkets. I buy 85% dark cocoa chocolate. There are two bars of it in the kitchen. I'm on a budget but I'd rather have something twice as good half the time which the budget is fine with.
If I was a woman caregiver and I had a bit of spare change, then I would focus it on massage, spa type stuff or manicure or pedicure type stuff. I would buy new earrings, new necklace, new watch, new lipstick. I would go to Macy's or Walgreens or whatever you have and let them do my makeup. I also agree with the new undies. I did the same thing with undies where I didn't go so much for the frilly thing but I did replace all the worn underwear and all the underwear I was just wearing but didn't like. I bought one of four different brands. Wore them all. Then picked the ones I wanted and loaded up.
Here's a tip that has helped me so much. I truly work on not getting down on myself and instead work to notice the things I do that are ok. Why? Because I have depression and depression tinges everything. That's not because I'm a stick in a bog. It's a medical condition I hope to come out of. Why I would help myself do that is unexplained except when I get up and remind myself I have depression - it helps me not fool myself that this sh*tty feeling inside is normal. But is something that will go away with enough ice cream. Don't laugh. Shoving Hagen Daaz into my face makes my tummy happy.
Wolf - I have not posted here because for me the frilly things mean nothing. Maybe if I were skinny but they do not look good on a fat body. Plus clothes have never meant much to me. They are something to cover your body and keep warm.
My list are places I would like to visit. Places when we were traveling hb just kept driving by. Unfortunately, when he got going he didn't want to stop. As a result, we blew right by places I wanted to stop and see. Here is a link to one place that would be good to see - the guy has spent years carving caves in New Mexico:
Wolf, you said "if I was a woman caregiver...I would focus it on massage". You don't have to be woman to enjoy a massage. A couple of years ago, before I place DW, I had a massage therapist (female) come to our apartment to give me a massage. One time DW was watching. After a bit she got up, came over to the massage table, and pushed the therapist away - this is my man, get away from him.
Ah Charlotte - here we are again, similar yet different. I understand COMPLETELY about the "frills" - I've always had more of the industrial type of ladies wear. I do like pretty & feminine though, & I seem to like it more as I age (73 in one week! Eeek!). If it makes me feel good inside, then I'm all for it.
I would like to have been able to travel more - Dan always said if you have a nice, comfortable house, why leave it? Arrgghh! The vacations we did take were my idea, I mapped out the itinerary, he drove & I was the navigator - he loved every minute of it!! I would still like to see the autumn colors in New England, but that isn't going to happen now, but maybe I should put that in my teacup list - one never knows what may come (she says hopefully).
Mim - when I read 73 I think old until I realize you are just 11 years older, my oldest living sister is 75, brother 74 - so it is not old. I keep forgetting I am 62. I remember when that seemed old, but like many of us that are aging, it is not as old as we thought. I just see my life over for now. When he gets worse maybe I will see hope that he will die before I am too old and unable to do 'teacup' items.
marsh, That's funny, but I'm sure my husband would have felt the same. He gets very upset if he thinks anyone or anything is bothering me.
Mim, Your description of underwear as "industrial-type" made me laugh. I can't stand uncomfortable clothing so I have always worn cotton against my skin. The wildest I ever got with cotton underpants was a low-rise model with lace on the waistband.
Charlotte, I feel the same about my life being over for now. But maybe it's just on "hold" and someday I'll want to do fun things again.
I abandoned the "frilly, lacy" underwear a log time ago in favor of the "industrial" model. They're much more practical and comfortable for me, particularly as I increase in size because of my more sedentary life-style. Who am I kidding, it's because I don't care anymore; caregiving has taken every ounce out of me, but we soldier on.
There was so many things I had to give up when caring for my DH. BUT... I did not give up my pretty lingerie. It was for me and I have always loved it. I did have to give up my frilly nighties though, in favor of just soft active wear things so I would be okay in the event I had to call someone in the night - which I did many times. I didn't have to worry about having to get 'dressed'. Still love my pretty undies!
Charlotte, when I say to myself "self, you're going to be 73", I think it's just a colossal joke - I can't be!! But in my heart, I'm really no different than I've always been. I'm still the original me, just a much older version. I remember way back when my dad turned 50 - I just couldn't understand how someone could be that old! Oh that I could be 50 once again......I would never go back to my teens, or even 20's. 35 would be nice!
As for hoping for a future after this caregiving thing......I guess I just hope for maybe a couple of years of just having peace, being responsible for no one but myself. We'll see how that works out!! Even then, though I don't think the lacey underwear will be a consideration - my shape pretty much negates that & like some others, I just don't care anymore. Sigh.......
Ladies, ok ok so I said to myself if they all think this is so great go and try it. So I went and bought some pretty, frilly undies in a blindingly bright color and I have to say I just don't see it. There's no room in there to hide a key never mind for Woody Guthrie and the two children to have space to live. I gave it a fair shake but when I sat down and crossed my legs I almost passed out. I didn't feel more feminine so much as more uncomfortable. I don't think much about how my underwear feel during the day. In fact if I'm thinking about how my underwear feel - that is a problem.
So I put them on Othello. Othello is the mannequin head I stole from a department store many years ago. He sits there unswervingly resolute where I ponder once in a while the store clerk coming up to the nicely dressed mannequin who obviously lost their head. It's not lost. It's right here with a pair of lime green frilly panties as a party hat. He has been stoic throughout the decades he's watched me getting old. He's stoic now too when I walk by and say "that's a new look for you isn't it?"
One of the cats noticed it the next time she did a walk through. I saw her stop taking in that something was different and without turning I said "consider yourself lucky". She left in a huff. She always leaves in a huff. Except at night when she's laying on her back beside me batting at the bottom of my magazine for attention. It's not something to dress up for or put 'old spice' on for - but it's mine and I think they both really like me. Just as long as I feed them.
(Just kidding. Not that I think there's anything wrong with men wearing frilly undies.)
If we could put a spiritual or ethereal wish in the teacup, I would like to put in a wee bit at a time, a wisp of hope , sprinkled with humor and a few drops of forgiveness. Put it in the teacup every so often when it feels like that well is running dry.
As for things more earthly, and small, I would like to put in the teacup the hope of finally getting the perfect haircut.
As for the teacup list, last week I bought myself a couple of steaks. Now that doesn't sound like much, but I haven't bought steaks in years because my husband doesn't like them. I ate one last week, and it's a good thing I put one in the freezer since I'm going to be alone this Christmas Eve because I came down with a virus and will be going nowhere. That steak will be my dinner tonight. I'll be thinking of my husband the whole time I'm eating it.