I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com ( You may need to "refresh" the page a few times) and read today's notice about my Holiday Stress Management Tips. There is a picture link to the entire series for you to read and comment upon. If anyone has any advice and tips to add, please do so here.
In thinking about gifts, DH was very happy with what he received last Christmas…his last. He was still eating a lot of sweets at that point, so he received a couple different kinds of candy. He got a "World's Best Grandpa" mug. He got an activewear sweatshirt fleece hoodie, which he loved and wore constantly. We received some small but useful gifts as a couple: an attractive calendar, a flameless candle, a bottle of wine. He was pleasantly ditsy at that point--still able to ambulate with his walker, although he got lost in our little house--no memory left…we had six family members for supper on Christmas Eve--they all then went to church--(one cousin was the pastor)--DH and I sat and watched the Mass in Rome…on Christmas morning we opened the gifts I mentioned above. Happy, happy memories. I had got a small table-top tree at the last minute--a cheap but pretty thing with white lights and red and gold decorations. I gave it to DD this year, because I just couldn't bear to see it every day in my house. But I like looking at it in her house…just can't look at it too long...yes, happy memories of our last Christmas. I think Larry did so well because it was quite simple, we stayed home, there wasn't too much hoo-ha, and our guests were people he was totally familiar with and loved.
I'm not sure if that counts as advice, but it worked well for us, and I feel good this year knowing that he enjoyed Christmas last year.
It has been a struggle over the past 6 years of finding something for DH. This year it is new shoes. He saw a compass in a store and wanted it. I bought it. He will not remember when he opens it. I have done most of my shopping on line. We did start shopping early for things I bought in stores. A lot of family will get gift cards. Our oldest DD took DH shopping before Thanksgiving. I gave her money, of course she picked everything out. They were gone about and hour. She said that DH didn't have a clue as to what they were doing. He kept looking around her car. She thinks for me. His sisters and mom are taking him shopping Friday. Not sure they know what thy are in for. It is nice break for me. But I will worry if the 4 of them will be able to not lose him. I told them to cal if thy needed me to come get him somewhere. They need to see what I go through.
One year I moved DH's chair. Really messed him up. I had to move it back. That is one of the things on Joan's list. I will not do that again. The day I put the tree and some other things up, had him out of sorts. We will go to my parents the day after Christmas. We will not stay long. We will go to his moms house Christmas Day. We will not stay but an hour. He knows my family better than his own. I take him to my parents at least 2 times a week to visit. This is a sad Christmas. But I am going to make it a great one for him. I hope everyone here has a wonderful Christmas or wonderful holiday that you celebrate. And a Happy New Year. It's hard to say that. I know all the stress, pain, loss that we all feel.
Jackie, if any of his sisters or mother has a cell phone, have them take a picture of your husband before they leave the house just in case he gets separated from them. That way they can easily identify what he was wearing.
I've decided to barely celebrate the holidays this year...2 years ago DH tore down the Christmas tree the day after Christmas (we only put it up on the 23rd) and I'm afraid he'll do it again. I haven't bought presents because I buy whatever we need when we need it. He doesn't understand the concept anymore and is usually destructive with any gifts.
It's a shame because we both loved decorating for the holidays and celebrating with friends and family. This year will be very quiet, maybe a small tree if I'm up to it. Then I start to feel guilty that this might be his last Christmas and I'm not really celebrating for or with him. And will not have those memories Elizabeth* describes.
As with Thanksgiving, I'll be having Christmas dinner in the secure dementia unit. The food was delicious then and the staff tells me it will be even better at Christmas. I don't care that much about the food but it touches me that the staff is so proud of it and that they have decorated the unit so nicely. They took photos of each resident and created a collage for the bulletin board. Just knowing that my husband is in a place where people take such pride in the care they give is enough of a gift for me.
I think I'll get my husband a book about old cars. I see that he has a wrapped gift for me in a shopping bag on the floor of his closest. (I'm sure he does not remember that.) I know they had a gift-buying event at the veteran's home so a staff member must have helped him. I'll open it with surprise and delight. As for my gifts to myself, I've ordered a gardening book that has been well-reviewed as well as a SAD lamp. Although I have an old lamp, it is so big and heavy that I rarely use it. The new ones are quite small and I'm going to set this one up on my desk right next to the computer. Let's hope it cheers me up!
jackie, the thought that four adults might lose your husband on their shopping trip makes me laugh! Thanks for brightening my morning.
Myrtle I just remembered a funny thing from a Christmas about 4 years ago. Your saying he wouldn't remember the gift in the closet. It was summer and I was getting some pool stuff out of the attic of my. DHs garage. I found a wrapped present to me from him. I had Christmas in May.
LFL like you I buy things as we need them. The last time he bought me a gift that I can remember, it was a blouse too small for me. I still have it packed away in storage I think and I don't know if he ever realized I never wore it. This was years before AD.
No Holiday Stress here for the first time in 30 years. No non stop parties and dinners with all of his lousy drinking/hunting buddies and their down trodden wives (he can't remember how to cook). No hours of writing a witty Christmas letter and sending out 400 Christmas cards to people he knew and I've never even met nor do we ever hear from except at the Holidays (every time he goes off on "when are you going to get in gear and get my Christmas cards out -- I just tell him you forgot and they are already sent out). Also no insipid Christmas cards and letters from them detailing all of their trips and what every child or grandchild is up to (I put the mail on hold until after the Holidays). No sweating Christmas shopping for him (I will wrap up things that I gave him for the last five years and he won't know or remember the difference). No bawling my eyes out every time I hear "I'll be home for Christmas" (because Mamma is gone and at peace and I'll drink a cup of cheer for her next to her ashes) No huge credit card bills in the $1,000's of dollars to worry about paying off after Christmas because he lost his wallet and all of the credit cards and doesn't do anything all day except lay and watch Law & Order/Special Victim Unit and Criminal Minds. Yepper - it is going to be a lovely Holiday. I bought myself a new pair of insulated Muck boots so my feet don't freeze so bad this year on the tractor moving snow when it finally hits.