If ever there were a season that holds the emotions too near it is the season of holly jolly the season of Christmas cheer
Yet I am one among many for whom the season is confettied with tears the pain and the strife of everyday life has left many deep wounds through the year...
Yet we all have so much in common we share pain, we share hope, and despair We are in fact, "goin' through the motions" It is just hidden in "Happy New Year"....
Enjoyed the poem. It really puts my feelings into words so well. It is very hard but I am going to enjoy the holiday as much as I can. I just cannot seem to get into baking and decorating like I used to. I attended a talk at my church on getting through the holidays when one is grieving. A couple of the suggestions were good alto nothing I have not heard before. One was learn to say no and the other was when grieving you do not need to do anything you do not want to do. The issue with Christmas is that togetherness is magnified when most of us feel like being alone.
Co2: I like the line "when grieving you do not need to do anything you don't want to do." That gives me permission to follow my feelings. For the first time in my life there will be no decorating except my nativity set and a very small tree. I will bake, for the residents of the nursing home and my grandchildren, and will shop (online) but if I don't finish the shopping they will get cash and I'm not going to worry about Christmas like I usually do, running myself ragged trying to do everything exactly as I did for many years. This year I'm doing what I want to do.
This whole Christmas thing has been a big drag for me for a long time. I loved Christmas when I was young, but who wouldn't, when you are on the receiving end of all that good will and generosity? When I was about 32, my father got sick (with AD, what else!), so the season became what Sheri describes as an "Alzheimer's holiday." I did not have children or even a steady boyfriend and for many years I worked long hours and struggled financially. And I came to realize that like my non-Christian friends who did not observe the holiday, I felt excluded from the celebration. As Sheri says, I was just going through the motions. But at least I had a happy childhood and a secure adulthood. Many of the people on this site have told us about experiences that were very difficult, e.g., being abused as children or dealing with serious financial or legal worries. I suspect that even before AD raised its ugly head in their lives, they may have found Christmas to be a drag, too.
I am not forgetting that Christmas has a religious origin (although in the Catholic religion in which I was raised, Easter was far more important.) But even people who are not Christian and those of us who are not religious at all, recognize that there is something sacred, quiet, and hopeful about the shortest days in our hemisphere. But sometimes it's hard to see the hope or hear the quiet when we are subjected to the shrill demands of this over-sentimentalized holiday.
Since my husband is not home and still in crisis in geripsych hospital. I am having great difficulty even "going thru the motions"! We used to love to decorate inside and outside of our home. I cannot even bear to open the boxes this year. Plan to get a wreath for outside and ordered tabletop live , decorated tree. Have only done even that much Because family will be here for Christmas Eve. So must have a tree to put presents under for grandkids.
Soo hard to even shop. Doesn't it seem like everyone has a partner. Today, while shopping , I felt like crowds were going two by two ( kind of like Noah's ark) and I just didn't fit in. When I packed my car . I got in and cried all the way home.
Lorrie, I agree that everybody seems to have a partner. There was a senior citizen sitting next to me in church, and a few minutes into the Mass an elderly man came and sat beside her--she reached out and they held hands…so sweet...obviously husband and wife. I felt so alone. Then in the grocery store after church, it was the same thing--all these couples doing their shopping. You could just see the connections…the talking together, obviously planning their holiday meals, the sense that two people were essentially on the same page, almost functioning as one. Yup, just like it used to be for me and DH. Sitting in church together, picking up a few things at the store afterwards…who ever would have thought that those everyday things would be so, so missed? I know what you mean--I don't fit in anywhere either.
Thank goodness for this site where I can reach out , as I sit here alone past midnight,and connect with someone who is feeling the same and understands .
Sherizee thanks for sharing. Like everyone else here, I'm just doing the best I can. No, it surely isn't like it used to be, but I've come to terms with it's just the way it is now. I don't have a large family, no grandchildren (the ones from his first marriage don't really even know him), our children aren't married - maybe it's better this way. I do grieve however for the way I always thought it would be, but is not.
Everyone one of us will make it - we always do, don't we?
Yes, by hook or by crook, we'll get through this. Mim, I sent an email to Joan asking her to give you my email. I live in Boardman, too. (Have not heard back from her yet--don't know if she sent it to you.)
thank you for the kind comments about the poem, although I do not post here often, I do read here daily. I share all of your pain and sorrow on this journey call life. Hugs to all.
I loved To decorate and have a great feast for my family but with DH in LTC I just put up my little tree and my village but I don't turn on the lights. Just can't seem to bring back that joy this year. Did e shopping and gave money. Not like the old me. I also find shopping lonesome as I see couples doing what we used to do but that is all gone so I often cry for those lost times. I'll put up my nativity this week and just try to carry on. No family coming so it will be very quiet.
Only two and a half weeks to go then it is over for another year.
I keep having the weird but nice feeling that Larry is watching over me. And for some reason, I keep thinking of last year's Christmas and how pleasant it was…it was nice that his last Christmas was like that…just perfect, really, for someone with his impairments. I'm keeping things very low key…am still not sure what I want to do about a tree…am close to tears a lot of the time…but this is the weird part…they are almost, sort of, in a way happy tears…looking back with gratitude for all the nice Christmasses (plural??) we had, and truly feeling a sense of relief for him that he is in Heaven this year, and not suffering any more.
You just gave me a good kick in the butt!! I have been feeling so sorry for myself that I forgot all the good ones. Last Christmas was low key but very nice. I will turn on my lights and get going on our Christmas this year and try to make it a good memory as next year may not be so good for him.
Thank you so much and go ahead and shed those "sort of" happy tears as they are better then sad ones. You always seem to say just the right things for me.