Kevan has been asked by the spiritual director to read at the services that are to be held on each floor for the Christmas season. One day they will be at 10:00 and 13:00. The hurtful part is that he has accepted and has forgotten that day is our anniversary. I don't know if I should remind him and have him cancell his readings or just leave it. I'm concerned that if I remind him he will tell her he can't and she will have trouble getting someone who can do it and he will feel bad and if I don't he will be upset when he realizes that it is our anniversary.
Let him do what he can do, Jazzy. You have the remainder of the day to celebrate your anniversary. If he does remember your anniversary simply tell him you knew he could do both!
It sounds like there will still be enough time in the day to do something nice for your anniversary. I would just let him go ahead and do the readings--it is nice that he is able to do it. As far as forgetting your anniversary--that just sounds like typical husbandly behavior-ha,ha,ha.(I'm being a little facetious there.) If he gets upset because he forgot the anniversary, I would just say the tactful things that Carol and Vickie suggested.
Thanks I'm so glad I have all of you. You can sooth a hurting heart but still bring a little humour to it.
I don't want to do anything that will cause him to stop doing the things he can do. It's hard because I also want him to still remember" US". I guess I just can't have it all can I? I find it very hard to keep giving up things that are important to me. I guess we are all going through this and this time of year really causes us to have to let go of so many wonderful activities even if we don't want to.
This disease is so destructive to the self-esteem of men like Kevan, who are accustomed to being smart, competent and in charge. It sounds like being asked to do the readings is an honor, for the spiritual director is acknowledging that Kevan has something to contribute. Why don't you think of this as an anniversary gift to the both of you? Jazzy, from what you have said in your previous posts, I think your husband very clearly remembers the concept of "US." Even with his current cognitive difficulties, he has done and tried to do so many things with your welfare in mind. For example, deciding to go into the ALF, trying to figure out whether you should both move to Alberta, and helping around your new house. I think it is very touching.
Now I have a problem that I would like your advice on. I have lost my wedding ring! As you may remember, in mid-October I went to Cape Cod with my girlfriends. I usually remove the ring when I go to bed and place it on the nightstand or dresser. Well, I don't know what happened but I came back without it. My friend has checked her house on the Cape and it is nowhere to be found and I have checked my purse, my overnight bag, and my cosmetic bag. The ring is just a plan gold band, with no jewels. (I never had an engagement ring.) I have two choices. I can have my husband's wedding band resized for me, although it is much larger than my finger, and I kind of hate to destroy its identity as my husband's ring. Or I could have my grandmother's wedding band resized, since it is just a little too big for my finger.
Do nothing for one month. Ask your friend to keep an eye out for it and look under the bed, behind the dresser, on the bathroom floor in any corner, and through the bottom of any drawer you used (like the night table, dresser, or bathroom drawer). It might even be in the sheets or tucked inside the pillow case. New bed, new events, different reactions.
Next take out your suitcases you took, the clothes you wore, any jacket your wore, your makeup bag, the little nooks in the makeup bag, the suitcases. Include the dresses or slacks or sweaters you wore or might have worn. Next turn off the idea that you already checked anything and be very thorough.
Before you do any of that remember when you last knew you had it on your finger. For certain. There is a small chance that you never had it on before Cap Cod.
If one month from now that ring is still gone resize your grandmothers ring.
Great advice Wolf. My good friend "lost" a very special necklace. She searched for weeks. Then a year and a half later we were out shopping and she had grabbed a bag to bring along. She opened a pocket of the bag to put her keys in and there was the necklace! She has no memory of when or how it got there! Wolf is right look at everything.