Isn't it something how extended family seem to think they can have the say but don't think they need to do the work? They cause the spouse so much stress and pain. Don't they realize how difficult it is to have to place a loved one in LTC? Where were they when you were on poop patrol or being verbally or physically abused? It's so painful to watch the person we love so much turn into someone we don't recognize anymore without all this interference. It's so painful to place them. We don't do it because we want to just go off and have a good time, we do it because we can't care or them anymore or because we are in danger, or we are ill. You just have to go ahead and take your lawyers advice. If they still continue to object find out what week they can care for him each month.
Jazzy is so right. My days in the trenches were filled with such behavior. Because my DH still needed the contact with his family, I endured. They didn't want info from me. My word was no good., It was okay to go against a decision I made as his Legal Guardian to keep him safe. They were still at it after he passed, trying to get me/us to change our funeral arrangements. You as Caregiver, are not responsible for this. You are not responsible for teaching them; making their lives easier about it. Your job is taking care of your LO, and to do that, taking care of you. At the end, I didn't give them the full story on the CHF he developed. There was a surgical fix--but he was well into stage 6 Vascular Dementia and the anesthesia and time on the heart/lung machine would have finished him. They would have wanted it anyway,-"it could fix it." The Dr. had estimated we had a year-we got a month. The last week of that month one of them took it on themselves to tell him he would be dead in the next year. Who does that to a Dementia patient? Find a way to give them things to do that will help, or minimize contact.If needs be--cut them loose. You don't need the "help" of "Neanderthals", or "trolls".
They no longer get information on. DHs care. I just tell them we are fine. I can't wait until I can cut thm loose permanently. What's so funny, when FIL died I stepped in for her when his siblings tried to do things at his funeral. But we all know how self focused those type of people are. So New Year resolution, cut them out on everything!