Hi everyone....Happy Veterans Day to all who have served our country so valiantly...I am writing because my patience is gone...all gone. My husband is well into stage 5. He paces and follows me around, shadows me...asks questions continuously....the questions are either the same question over and over or have no relevance or value.. I am trying so hard to be patient and kind but I am a prisoner in my own home. I just had to leave. I told him I was going into the office for a bit. He asked if I was leaving to get away from him. I told him "of course not". I think that maybe someday I will wish he is following me around but I really can't take it any more. Has anyone experienced this? Is it temporary? He will not attend a day care program no matter what I tell him and his friends still work and are busy with their own families. Please HELP!!!
Christine, it is a stage in the disease and almost everyone experiences this, and it's as annoying as hell to the well spouse. As to being temporary, that depends on how you define temporary. Most likely it will last for about another year (or more) and believe it or not at some point as his disease progresses, you will look back to these times when he was more functional. I doubt you'll miss the shadowing, but I can attest to missing his ability to speak in clear, coherent sentences
Hi Christine, I went through this a few years ago. It's a tough problem.
As you know, you're not going to be able to change your husband's behavior so you'll have to find a way to manage it. Since he will not attend adult day care, maybe you could find a companion for him. You could get a health aide from an agency but if your husband doesn't need personal care services, you might be able to hire someone from the community at a much lower cost. If you have a local senior center or similar agency, maybe they could suggest someone, or if you belong to a church, maybe they could put the word out. It would be ideal if there were a retired man who would like some part time work being your husband's pal, although the person I hired was a young woman with lots of energy and my husband really enjoyed hanging around with her. Just six hours a week gave me some breathing room and alleviated my husband's boredom a little.
You could also call the local branch of the Alzheimer's Assn. and ask if they have any suggestions. I did not find them to be very helpful here but maybe they are better in your area.
Omg LFL and myrtle. I don't know if I will survive this behavior. You are right though he is not going to change and I need to find a way to handle it. Thank you for your suggestions.
I didn't experience "shadowing" because my husband is physically disabled, but if he had been mobile at that stage, I am sure he would have stuck to me like glue.
We all lose patience. It's impossible not to. You are right about not being able to change his behavior, but for your own sanity, you MUST get respite from it. All of Myrtle' s suggestions are excellent. I urge you to find someone to take him out, keep him busy, be a companion - something as many times a week as you are able to afford it, or someone is willing to volunteer. You need and deserve respite.