Our journey ended on Oct. 17. Andy had steadily declined in recent weeks and was not always recognizing us. His last months were spent in the nursing home. I struggled (and still struggle) with not being able to keep him at home, but the behaviors of Lewy Body Dementia made it impossible, even with home care help. Our two sons and I were with him round the clock in the last days and we were there to love and encourage him as he passed from this world. It was a moment of relief that he was whole again; it was also the worst moment of my life. I've been mourning the loss of him for some time...this is just more final.
In the weeks before we placed him in the home last May, there were many incidents of minor physical violence between us as I tried to clean and change him and he fought what he considered to be violations of his self. One day he grabbed my arm and twisted it so badly that I feared the bone would break. I screamed at him "Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!" He dropped my arm and looked at me with eyes filled with anguish and said, "I'm a GOOD man."
And he was. A good man. A great husband. A wonderful father. A loyal friend. A moral guide to the young people he taught and coached (I know this because I've had dozens on emails and cards from them.) Damn this foul, filthy disease that made any of us ever question that.
My deepest condolences to you and your family. I hope that the good memories of your husband and your life together before AD will soon replace those of the AD struggle.
Joy, my sincere sympathy on the loss of your dear husband.
" Damn this foul, filthy disease that made any of us ever question that." Well put Joy.... I pray your better, kinder memories wrap you in a protective cloak as you struggle through this monumental loss. ((hugs))
So sorry for your loss, Joy. Wishing you peace knowing his battle is over, and that you and his children were there to help him during his final days. God bless.
Joy. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so truly sorry for all that you've gone through. I hope you can take comfort in knowing what a tremendous job you did caring for your husband. I know it wasn't easy but I also know he was a good man who loved you, even as alzheimers controlled him he overcame it for the brief moment when he recognized how he had hurt you. I so sorry. I hope you can find peace in your heart as your journey takes you to this next chapter of grief and loss. Xo
I'm so sorry. I remember the post not long ago in which you told us about the message from his former student, telling you how your husband had changed his life and made him the man he is today. Not many people can say that they have had such a profound effect on another person.
Joy, So sorry to read that you lost your dear Andy. Please accept my sincere condolences. I am glad you have your family with you for support during this very difficult time.
Yes, he was a good man! Alzheimer's cannot take that away from him. It cannot take away the positive legacy that he left behind. He had the symptoms of the disease but that was NOT him! Please do not let guilt weigh you down. Cherish the good times! Take extra special care of you now. So sorry for the part of you that is now gone.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your GOOD man, I'm sure he was, just as mine was good, decent, and so much more. It hurts so much to see this. My thoughts are with you.
Joy, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Andy, and the rest of your family at this sad time. The love you had for each other will strengthen you and help you get through this. Arms around.
So sorry for your loss..This is a hard time, this final time when we realize our LO is no longer with us. Yes we are glad they no longer suffer the indignity of this disease but for our part we also miss what was and what he had hoped would be but..... Take some time to get some much needed rest now...let others do for you as you begin this new journey.