I wish I could remember where I read this--probably on Agingcare.com. Someone wrote: "Not everyone is cut out to be a Caregiver, no different than not everyone is cut out to be a brain surgeon, or a State Trooper, or a construction worker. It would be like starting a brand new career without an ounce of training with no one to watch over you to make sure you are doing everything correctly. How many of us who are in our late 50's, 60's and 70's have the energy to learn a new career?"
Food for thought. If we went to work at a strange job in a new career, and were given no information about the job, or even the company, how many of us would beat ourselves up if we weren't really successful? Yet most of us feel like we have failed if we aren't perfect caregivers. And I would like to say that even in some of the worst jobs--other than caregiving, of course--you get holidays and vacation days. And you get paid!
Well said, indeed. One thing I have learned from this experience is that we are all individuals with different strengths and weaknesses and none of us should apologize for not having the same talents that others do. I have always ben squeamish and have never wanted to tend to people's personal care needs, whether they are children or adults. In the support group I often went to, I came to realize that other members did personal care chores that would have floored me. On the other hand, several members were loath to fill in the papers required to get their LOs the benefits or services they absolutely needed, which was something that I always did without batting an eye. So I stopped apologizing for my caregiving deficiencies.
Last week, I was sitting with my husband in the day room and chatting with two aides while they were handing out snacks. One of them said she had transferred from a job because she could not bear to work with people who had Down Syndrome or who were developmentally disabled. The other one said she really enjoyed working with Downs people but had a hard time with people who were severely brain-damaged, like survivors of drowning or children born with severe brain damage. Yet they are both comfortable working in the secure dementia unit and they are good at it, too.
I totally agree! It never bothered me to change a baby, I always felt good afterwards that they were all fresh and clean, With DH it was a dreadful situation. I would put Vicks salve under my nose, put a face mask over my mouth and nose but I still gagged and had tears in my eyes every time! I was definitely not cut out to be an adult depends changers! It was all a mental block that I could never change. Played a big roll in the placement decision. I know lots of people that it doesn't phase. I always carry the Vicks to the NH just in case!
None of us volunteered for our care giver role (unless one considers wedding vows voluntary - in sickness and health, til death do us part). So I don't think anyone should feel guilty if they cannot be an "ideal" caregiver, whatever that is.
I'm handling most of the caregiver duties I currently have fairly well, but we are moving into the "personal care needs" aspect of caring for my DH, and I know that neither my DH or I want me to do those services. Placement looms, and I am trying not to feel guilty about that either.
This is an excellent post. I would never have thought of it in this way - thanks for posting it. I think I'm going to write it down where I can refer to it OFTEN!
My DH has been incontinent for about a year now. I have not missed a beat in changing him. I dreaded the day that would be necessary, but it has happened and I'm still providing. I have looked into placement if it becomes necessary but this hasn't been the problem I thought it would be. I am now thinking if he gets aggressive and I can't handle it with medication , that will be what I will have to do. Or if he becomes so weak I will have to lift, I can't do that. But I may hire someone who can! I really don't want to place him, so maybe ill be able to go through without doing so, only time will tell. I'm very amazed I have gotten this far on this journey keeping him at home, only time will tell regarding future. But I am a registered nurse and I have dealt with things worse than urine. I can understand if some aren't able.